Please Help Me!!?

Question

My daughter won't eat dinner. She is five years old and a very picky eater. I try to make options for her so that she always has something on her plate that is her favorite, but I don't feel right about making her her own meals seperate from the rest of us. but for the past few days, even though I have been making her favorite (chicken, macaroni, potatoes, green beans, corn) It is a challenge. She barely eats anything out of her lunch ( I do send her with a lunch box becauseI fear if I didn't she wouldn't eat anything) I am at my wits end. I have tried being nice and I have tried being mean. I have tried early bed times and spankings (something that I absolutely dread doing). I have tried talking and ignoring. I just don't know what else to do. Oh, I even tried making it something fun, like arranging her food in a smiley face and telling her which part of the face to eat next. But nothing works. Please any suggestions will really help

She doesn't get snacks between meals except at school. AndI do not make her her own meal. We all eat the smae, I just try to make sure at least one thing is something I know she will get excited about. And I tried the straight to bed thing, and well, she seems to enjoy going to bed early, cause she is quick to jump at that option.

Answer 1

I understand completely - I have three daughters age 5 6 and 8. My eldest was an absolute nightmare with food up until a few years ago. I worried myself sick about her as almost every meal time she would refuse to eat more than a few mouthfulls if anything. I too tried lots of encouragement, making alternative meals and also resorted to punishments at times but none seemed to work. Have to say, I felt like a failure as a mum because I couldn't get her to eat properly.

Anyway, the turning point for me was visiting my GP. He reassured me that she would not starve herself (seems obvious but think I needed to hear it from him as I was so worried) and also that it's quite common for little ones to eat well one day and then go a few days eating very little.

From that point, I somehow managed to relax about the whole thing. I think the key is not to make an issue of mealtimes in any way. Although it did take some time it worked for me.

I would put in front of my daughter whatever meal the rest of us were having ( would put out a very small portion though) making no attempt to encourage her to eat it. If she protested about it I would just say that she could leave it but their would be nothing else to eat. If she did leave it, I wouldn't give her anything else other than a cup of milk before bed. I also stopped giving any kind of snack between meals (including healthy ones) until her eating improved.

If possible, even if your daughter won't eat her meal, I think it's best to ask her to sit at the table until everyone else has finished so that she is involved with any conversations. Put no pressure on her to eat though.

You have to be consistent with this - no point doing it for a few days and then getting upset with her because it's not working - it will take time but it did work for me. I honestly can't remember just how long it took before we saw a real change but my daughter is a great eater now.

I still get occassional mealtimes when someone gives out about what we are having or won't eat but I still won't offer an alternative.

Mealtimes are enjoyable now rather than stressfull!

Hope you find something that works for your daughter. Good luck!


- have just read your additional details - I think you will just have to persevere. I know it's hard to imagine now that things will get better but they will gradually - particularly if you are not giving snacks and your daughter is always offered the same meal as everyone else. Just give her as little attention as possible in regards to the food - I really do believe that not making an issue of it is the best way.

Forgot to mention before - I also found it helpful if my daughter protested about meals just to simply say that it was her choice whether she ate it or not - but that she should know there would be nothing else offered. Somehow I think it helps to tell the child they have a choice - they might not be the choices they really want but I think it makes them feel as though they have some control (when really you do!) - afterall these things often feel like a battle of wills.

I have also read somewhere that on average it takes at least 20 attempts at offering a new food to a child before they will begin to try it and accept it. I can vouch for this - my youngest (who is 5) has just started to eat the pasta in her lasgne - this is a meal she's been offered many many times but up until recentley would leave all the pasta sheet on the side of her plate - sounds quite insignificant, I know - but she has done this of her own accord without any encouragement or pressure.

Good luck & try not to worry

Answer 2

All children do this at some point. The more you pressure her to eat, the more of a struggle it will become. Five year olds eat when they get hungry enough. Don't cater to her like that in regards to her meals. You are teaching her that people must make exceptions for her based on her behavior. Serving her the same food as everyone else in the family will encourage her to try new things, and if she refuses to eat, let her know that she'll just have to be hungry later...don't cave in to her demands, you are the parent, not her. People often worry about their child's eating habits at this age because it seems that one day they're eating as much as an adult and the next day they pick at their food like a bird. Children that age very rarely have any kind of eating disorder, although it is not unheard of. If you are concerned, just weigh her once a week and keep a record. If you notice her weight declining, take her to the doctor. Most of the time the eating habits of this age group are governed by growth spurts, during which they seem to eat as much as an adult. But remember that her stomach is only the size of her tiny fist and it's highly unlikely that she's going hungry.

Answer 3

Does she drink alot? This can often fill up a kid and kill his appetite. Children that age only need to eat a portion about the size of their palm. Which is really not much. A child will eat when they are hungry. Make sure she doesn't get any in between snacks. If she doesn't eat her lunch then she doesn't get so much as a cracker until dinner time. If she refuses to eat at dinner then put it away but make her remain at the table until the family completes its meal. Give her a vitamin supplement. You said that she "barely" eats all of her lunch. Then that indicates she is eating something. Maybe you could try letting her eat school lunch a couple of days and see if that helps. Sometimes kids don't like to be different at that age. Try visiting her at school and getting the adult tray and eating with her the items that they have at school.
Keep in mind that children will eat when they are hungry and age 5 is a common age of being food picky.

Answer 4

She is getting soooo much attention from you because of this. She won't starve to death, survival will kick in. I would stop making a fuss about it. Sure, tell her sometimes you'll cook her favourite meal (when everyone else is having it too) and other times she'll need to eat the family meal. Her favourite meal is healthy which is good. If she refuses her meal then it's off too bed with no other food or dessert. Try for 2 weeks and see if she will attempt other food. No snacks or big drinks that will fill her up.

Answer 5

My daughter was this way at her age as long as she is healthy and not picking up viruses easily i wouldn't worry too much, there are drinks like milk shakes made by pedeolite that she will like that will give her the vitamins she is lacking from not eating right, also try to get her to take a childrens vitamin a day...don't force food on her or make deals, she will only fight you, slowly introduce foods to her and in time she will be eating like my almost 10 tr old who is now 5 feet tall and 90 pounds, " good luck"

Answer 6

My toddler will go a week on a grape and a cracker, then the next week eats like a horse. Her doctor said that eating patterns are strange in small children, and if they aren't hungry, they won't eat. You might just try keeping Cheerios and milk available to her to munch on, maybe some cut up summer sausage that she can just get to when she wants it. If she starts losing a lot of weight, have your doctor check her over.

Answer 7

you are going about it all wrong. listen carefully to me. put her food on her plate and do not tell her she has to eat just let her sit there until you finish your meal then get up and clear the table. do this at all your meals and i bet you within 5 days she will be ready to eat a good meal when it comes meal time. give her a small snack between meal but not too much. do not try to encourage her to eat.

Answer 8

First, stop feeding her before dinner. If she is not hungry she is not going to eat. Feed her lunch, a snack about 3 and dinner at 6 of 7.

Answer 9

Whatever you do don't bribe her punish her like 50 cents off her allowence or introduce an allowence of $1.00 $2.00 and tell her she can only get it if she eats all of her food or let her in on the fun of making dinner or make a dessert and say she can only have it if she finishes her supper

Answer 10

i am pretty sire all 5 year old's are picky eaters. its hard to get them to get 3 meals like us. let her eat smaller meals throughout the day. she will eventually outgrow it. i have 2 kids, 3 and 10. like i said earlier, feed more times throughtout the day, smaller meals. lots of healthier snacks. a glass of milk here and there helps alot too.