Would you have children anyway if????

Question

Looking at heredity and the fact that it has much barring on the passing down of chronic diseases and other ailments..Would
you have kids anyway?What if your family history had three or more diseases or chronic illnesses that your children could or would end up with?

Is it fair to the inocent ?

Odds were stacked up against me and my husband as well for that matter and now 3 out of 5 children so far have somewhat disabling
ailments..If I knew what I know now and watching my children struggle I am not so sure I would have had any children at all..
I have 2 very bitter teens that question our decision and I have to tell them I was ignorant as to how heredity plays a huge roll in how our makeup is to be... I feel disappointed and a little guilty!

Answer 1

Never feel guilty...... Does not help you or them! Now you could test for any congenital defects if they are very severe like Down's syndrome or such. As for more simple things... which are still complicated, like bipolar, schizophrenia and sorts, yes, that can be passed on. But this information is available to us now, not back then. Would I still have children, probably depending on how severe it is in the family. However, my family have severe dyslexia. Would I not want one of my children because of that, of course not. I would become as knowledgeable as I could to make sure they have the best opportunities. As for guilt mom, don't carry any, you can only live for tomorrow and can't change the past. Don't let your children make you feel this way, they will not benefit from your weakness. Good luck and remember, they are teens, they will become human beings once again once this age is passed. Good luck!

Answer 2

I would not have children if there was that high a risk. School and growing up is difficult enough these days without enhancing the problem with an even higher level of exclusion. Now having said that, I think it is wrong of your children to blame you. Everyone has the right to love and be loved and no one can love a child like a parent. Also, the love that is returned is unconditional. Unfortunately, "knowledge" is a bad thing and exposure to the outside world educates theses special children to the concept of being abnormal or not fitting in. THAT is why they are bitter. It is not what YOU have done, it is how they are treated away from you. If society embraced and loved these children as you have, they would never be bitter.

Answer 3

That's tough, and I'm sorry your teens are blaming you for their life struggles. Without knowing which conditions you're dealing wiht, I can't say for sure what I'd do, but in general, I would look at the chances of having an affected child, and the quality of life an affected child would have. I might also factor in my own experience if I were affected and ask myself if I would be okay with my child having the same difficulties I've had, and weigh the benefits in personal growth.
It raises issues around designer babies, but it might be routine in the future to screen all moms and dads planning to have kids, and do in vitro and pick out healthy embryos. I think that would be ethically accepted because it's not giving a child an extra advantage, but more just giving him an equal chance.
It's understandable that you feel disappointed and guilty, but you can't do anything about what's happened in the past, so I hope you will try to remember that and let go of the guilt. It isn't your fault; you can't be blamed for the genes you carry, or the genes you've passed on, because the blame will just get passed back to grandparents, great grandparents, etc. Your teenagers are just at the stage of not accepting responsibility for themselves yet, and so they blame you for their problems. YOur situation is more unique than most, but teenagers always blame their parents for something. Eventually they'll grow up and realize that for better or for worse, they own their genes and have to deal with them.

Answer 4

They should be grateful to be alive and to experience the things living things are supposed to experience. Even the small things are worth living for.

But it's true that people shouldn't procreate when odds are against their children, like being born into poverty or unproductive regions where it's a hard life. But their right to do so shouldn't be taken away, either.

I myself will not be having kids because having a baby brother (who has a mobility handicap -- Cerebral Palsy) is enough and I know I would not make a responsible father. I would not raise the children right, they would be little versions of me with little to contribute to society.

Answer 5

the whole point is that you did not know when you brought them into the world...so, you gave them life and whether or not they agree with it, they should learn to appreciate that. I have a friend that has one healthy child & one that is in a wheelchair w/a muscle disease & will never walk & has far exceeded her expectations as well as the doctors. She uses her mind & is very smart and loves life. Do not feel guilty...God wouldn't have allowed them to be born if they were to bring dissapointment. There is a reason, just not sure what that reason is.

Answer 6

If you had children, first of all this happend because god wanted like this, it was part of his plan, I really belive that we have god that takes care of us and also is making us pass through diffrerent situations in life. May be they had to be born, even if this is the situation. Don`t forget that everybody on this planet has a scope and a certain way to fallow in life, your kids are part of this system too, so may be they should concetraite on this and avoid ruing themselfs lifes just cause they are sick. I think that you, as a parent, shouldn`t feel sorry for having children, i`ve seen worst, belive me, you just should do everything you can to help them find their way and follow it.

Answer 7

Depends on the ailment.
My own hereditary ailment isn't crippling 'til adulthood, and there's a possibility of living a close-to-normal life (although my siblings and I didn't).
My priorities have shifted somewhat, but yes, I'd have children if I could.

Answer 8

Please don't feel guilty. Also know that it is a rare teenager who hasn't said 'I wish I'd never been born' This could just be teen speak. I am sure they have many good times in their lives and will have many to come in the future.

Also, if they're not feeling great, as with anyone who goes through a long period of illness it is normal to be snappy and bitter at times.

Don't punish yourself.

Answer 9

I would not.