An attitude toward my parents, do u think I am right?

Question

I'm 15, 2 years ago my relationship with my parents was destroyed. I did some bad stuff, was a bit lost. I agree I was wrong, fought a lot w/ them and my younger sister. I ended up getting a kinda harsh punishment, was grounded from everything for 4 months, only school and house work. My dad even spanked me. I changed but got extremely humiliated and in a deep depression. Today I'm an excellçente students, deal with chidren in need, my parents say they are proud of me. But I stopped loving them, so intense my resentment was. I became a stranger, respectful but no love, like I didn't belong to the family. I could never get over hat happened, though they tried to get me back. They decided we should go to counselling. I opened my heart and told my parents and the counsellor, very calmly, and without anger that I don't really like them and intend to leave them forever when I'm 18. That's how I feel, this isn't a teen reaction. They didn't expect that, but I had to be honest.

That's how I feel, nothing can be done. I don't hate my parents, but can't get ovr what they did to me, they were extremely harsh and showed they didn't love me when I was in trouble. Even the therapist was caught by surprise with my attitude, but I was honest.

Answer 1

Let's just hope that one day you dont regret this decision. Personally speaking i think you need to stay in therapy because you still havent learned how to deal with the issue

Answer 2

Okay, so you were honest. Honesty can be a good thing - but it's not the only thing, and being honest doesn't mean you're right.

You admit you "did some bad stuff, was a bit lost, was wrong, fought a lot." For which you got grounded for a few months. You're still angry (witness the resentment you're holding on to). Okay - feelings aren't right or wrong - you just feel the way you do. Right or wrong comes into it when it comes to what you do about how you feel.

Is it right to tell your family you no longer love them? To what purpose? What was your intent in telling them - to hurt them back? To make them regret punishing you? That's a question only you can answer for yourself - and the answer's important.

A bigger issue here is who you are, and who you want to be. 2 years is a long time to carry a grudge. "I could never get over (w)hat happened, though they tried to get me back." Honestly - how hard have you tried to get over it?

Okay, so you made some mistakes (which you admit), and were punished for a few months, and can't let go of your anger and resentment. Your family is doing what it can to mend the relationship, while you're... sulking.

So you're telling them you "don't really like them" and "intend to leave forever" because you "had to be honest." Well, that sounds very dramatic - and selfish, and hurtful. Why not just kick them in the shins and get it over with?

Here's the thing - once you shut a door like that, it can be very, very hard to reopen, and you might want to , some day. So you don't feel full of hearts and flowers for them now (and you really ought to talk to a counselor about why you're holding this grudge so long - it doesn't bode well for your future happiness that you nurse resentment this way). What if, one day, when you're more mature, you realize that you screwed up and your parents were dealing with it the best way they knew how, and you start to miss them?

It'll be a whole lot harder at that point to swallow your pride and ask them to take you back. As someone once told me, "Never burn a bridge you might want to cross again."

A hint - usually, when people say "I have to be honest," what follows is something unkind that they could, and should, have kept to themselves.

Answer 3

here's the problem w/ resentment... it actually can cause u to become EXACTLY what you hated.... =T

you say u hate ur parents because they gave you a "harsh" punishment, and can never forgive them. but what are you doing to them now? aren't u giving them the "harshest" punishment of ALL by completely denying them any relationship with you?

so pretty much you are ending up doing the SAME thing to them what they did to you...and two wrongs don't make a right. =T. think of it this way: you can either divorce them and become independent at 18, never see them again. OR you can try to work on your relationship..not because you are forgetting what they had done to you, but because you want to MAKE THINGS BETTER. i think if u try to work things out w/ ur parents and it doesn't work, and u still feel unloved and unwanted, then ur feelings may be warranted. but if u never forgive them for trying to straighten u out when you Admit that you made mistakes, how can you ever feel proud of yourself? u are acting just as they had done, by giving you no "benefit of the doubt". perhaps they should have done so, instead of being so harsh. but that doens't mean u should go ahead and be exactly the same way, because now THEY are hurting JUST like you are hurting. perhaps that is what u want, but i don't think so. :( it's easy to be blinded by hurt, anger, disappointment, humiliation, and fear...but the stronger u are about it, the more proud YOU can be about yourself, and not care so much about hurting your parents because they hurt you. good luck~

Answer 4

At 15, I thought my parents were soooooooo wrong, too. We fought, we cried, we went to counseling. I almost moved out at 15, but I waited to finish school. Somewhere in my late twenties, I learned that my parents really wanted the best for me, even though I couldn't see it. I, too did something wrong, and though my parents punished me, I punished myself even more, just like you are doing. Instead of admitting that I didn't like myself, I decided I didn't like them. I WAS WRONG.

Whatever happened in your life cannot possibly change the fact that your parents love you. Check out how good it feels to love them back. Look them in the eyes and say it to them just once, and see what their reaction is. I really wish I could get back all those wasted years... Don't make my mistake.

Answer 5

I think that the fact you are resectful to them is excellent and the lack of love is more of a non forgivness toward them then not loving them, I think as years come and you one day become a parent yourself you will be ashamed of yourself for the misconstruded feeling you think you have my best advice is a old one ,time heals all wounds, but dont let too much time pass because none of of know how much time we have on this earth....Good Luck to you and your parents