last entry tonight silly jokes time add your own?

Question

a man walks into a bakery and says " can i buy a wasp please?"
the lady behind the counter says "sorry we dont sell wasps"
the man replies " well you have 3 in the window"


a man visits his local brothel, he is led to a room, a fine looking young lady tells him to get undressed and lay on the bed, so he does, then he sees on the ceiling a price list

handjob £5
blow .job £15
the full works £50
cheese sandwich 50p

he asks the lady if she does the handjob, to which she replied "yes of course"
he then says " ok wash your hands and i will have a cheese sandwich"

Answer 1

A piece of string walks into a bar, where there is a sign saying "Sorry, no string..."
The barman looks at the string and says "excuse me, but are you a piece of string?"
and the string says "no, I'm a frayed knot ..." ........


Two dwarves decide that it is about time they had some fun, so they book two hotel rooms and a couple of prostitutes.
So one of the dwarves is in his room that night, and he's having no luck at all. No matter how hard he tries, he just can't seem to get it up. To make matters worse, he can hear his mate on the next room going "one, two, three, ahhhh!"
So he carried on trying, still with no luck, he just can't get it up. And it's made worse by the merry sound of "one, two, three, ahhh!" from the next room. He gives up and goes to sleep.
The next morning, he meets his mate back in the hotel foyer and miserably explains that it was no fun as he just couldn't get it up.
"Well, count yourself the lucky one!" says the second dwarf, "I couldn't even get up onto the bed!"

Answer 2

A man walks into a French restaurant and asks "do you have frogs legs" the waiter replies "Yes"
The man says "Well hop over here and get me a sandwich".

Answer 3

An amblance zooms past with seirens sounding.
A man nearby: "They won't sell any ice creams going at that speed!"

Answer 4

a mushroom goes into a bar.
bartender says, we dont serve mushrooms here.
mushroom sez, why, I'm a fungai

why do baby ducks walk softly?
cuz they cant walk, hardly.

why did the turtle cross the road?
to get to the shell station

Answer 5

They are good.

Knock knock
who's their
Wee man
Wee man who
Wee man who couldn't reach the door bell.
My five year old told me that!

Answer 6

two mates are walking their dogs and one of them sugests going for a pint, the other goes "but the pub dnt allow dogs!". the other man replies dont worry follow my lead! the first man walks in and the barman goes sorry no dogs nd the man replies, but this is my guide dog, so the barman allows his dog in, then the nextt man goes in and the barman repates, sorry no dogs allowed, so the second man replies but this is my guide dog, to which the barman replies, very funny sir but they dont have chiwowas (however its spelt) as guide dogs, the man then shouts, WHAT THEY GAVE ME A CHIWOWA!!!!!! a man walks into a posh expensive resturant/pub, he walks up to the bar and orders the most expensive pint, the barman goes "certainly! thats a penny!" the man looking confused pays the barman. he then looks at the menu and orders the most expensie fillet of steak, the barman replies "centainly! thats for pence!" the man now angry says "hold on!!! now then what going on? i want to speak to your manager! where is he?" the barman replies "he is upstairs doing the same thing to my wife as i am to his business!"

Answer 7

i hadn't heard the brothel joke before its brilliant

Answer 8

why do people copy other people's jokes the first one was posted on here a few weeks back

Answer 9

very good, I've heard the 1st 1 before but it still made me laugh !!

Answer 10

thats funny lololol