My 22 year old son is doing nothing but finding fault with the way I do things today.?

Question

I went grocery shopping. Got everything everybody needed. Nothing was good for him. Made a nice dinner. "Ick!" Would not eat it. Meatloaf and homemade dressing. He had a fit that I forgot to feed the dogs. I was too busy...i forgot. Still doesn't believe me. The first time i forgot to feed the dogs in years!
What's up with him and what should i do or say to him. He's still living at home and unemployed. He's waiting for a reply from a company that he applied to a week ago.
Come on you psychologists out there. Help me!
He usually never complains like THIS though.

GP down there tells me that I posted this on the Toddler Preschool section. LOL A mistake. Yahoo must have uped me on that one...and they]re right on!!!
Sorry about that.

GP down there tells me that I posted this on the Toddler Preschool section. LOL A mistake. Yahoo must have uped me on that one...and they]re right on!!!
Sorry about that.

GP down there tells me that I posted this on the Toddler Preschool section. LOL A mistake. Yahoo uped me on that one...and they]re right on!!!
Sorry about that.

Answer 1

From my experiences, this is probably frustration with not obtaining his own independance that is being directed towards you. Afterall, you are allowing him to remain dependant. The stages of maturity go like this:

dependant
counter-dependant
independant
inter-dependant

They are not cut and dry stages but blend together. He is struggling for independance and in the process, is struggling with giving up dependance. This creates a state known as counter-dependance, where you bite the hand that feeds you. The result should be unpleasant enough that it pushes him out of the nest and into independance. Once he is out and independant for a while, he will likely come back and choose to be inter-dependant, i.e. choose to rely on you and let you rely on him.

So, don't take all the critisim personally, but realize that every bit you take care of him at this stage will aggravate his situation. Start weaning him off your support but do it kindly and hope he gets a job soon and put some distance between you for a while so he has the chance to grow into his new stage in life.

Answer 2

(First let me give you my credential's; I will be 68 this Dec. I have been married for almost 45yrs. I have 6 children all adults now. Enough said.)

>>>I went grocery shopping. Got everything everybody needed. Nothing was good for him. Made a nice dinner. "Ick!" Would not eat it. Meatloaf and homemade dressing.<<<

At 22yrs of age this is not a little boy "ick!"... this is not a young teenager... this is not a teenager still in High School... THIS IS A YOUNG MAN. (supposedly,,, though nothing that you have said can verify this) A young adult? (not from what you say)
1. Who paid for the food?
2. Who cooked the food?
3. Who does the dish's? (certainly not our "young man")
4. Who pays the rent?
You know I could go on and on with this list. But you know!! Admit to yourself the answers to these and a 100 more of the same.

>>> He had a fit that I forgot to feed the dogs. I was too busy...i forgot. Still doesn't believe me. The first time i forgot to feed the dogs in years!<<<

Is this a put on, is this a real situation? Are did you just post this question just to see what answer you would get? Doesn't believe you who is he that you have to excuse yourself to. You are the parent aren't you? He's not the parent here, you are!
Feed the dogs... 22yrs old... not working... has a roof over his head and food in his belly... I sincerely hope you did not pay for the clothes on his back. All this and free!! If your son can get bent out of shape for something he should be able to do without complaining "he can't feed the dogs as you were busy?" Am I missing something here??
Did you mean only 12yrs old? (No, not 12, my grandson is 12 and he knows what is right.)

>>>What's up with him and what should i do or say to him.<<<

What's up with him? What's up with YOU?? Why are you putting up with this? You don't need to know what's up with him. What's up with him is his problem. WHAT'S UP WITH YOU, THAT YOU TOLERATE THIS ABUSE?? And from a 22yr old...


>>>He's still living at home and unemployed.<<<

My god why?? This is a joke isn't it?

>>>He's waiting for a reply from a company that he applied to a week ago.<<<

No Burger Kings, MacDonald's, gas stations in your area? He'll still be waiting a month from now. You do whatever work you can until you find a better job... whatever.

>>>He usually never complains like THIS though.<<<

I really want to get sarcastic here but won't. What does he have to complain about? He lives rent and board free!! WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT? Do you do his wash also? How about his bed do you make it up for him?

>>>Come on you psychologists out there. Help me!<<<

Unfortunately we can't help you! You have to help yourself! I don't think I or anyone else can help you. You know what must be done and it's up to you to do it. He's a big boy now, it's time he finds out about the real world! You know what to do, the only thing that will stop you from doing what is the right thing to do and I hope this is not true for your sake. FEAR of your son.

So do what you have to do!

I hope you do what has to be done, if you don't you are only hurting him and yourself.

Just one more little thing; "Who has to answer to who?" You have to answer to your son????

I know this is not real, it just can't be.

Frank C

Answer 3

he's 22, unemployed and living with you??? he might need to be taken to coffee and reminded just how great he has it. The fact that you're cooking his dinner and shopping for his groceries ought to make him a little thankful. Honestly, he's 22 and he's unemployed, so why didnt he remember to feed the dogs, does he have more important gaming and kicking it with the bro's to do? Having been a recently former 22 year old... a simple reminder of the plush life and not forgetting that he could be having ramen might be all he needs.

Answer 4

Maybe he's going through some sort of depression. Even if this is the case he shouldn't take it out on you. Maybe you should set down and have a talk with him. If he still seems to act the way you describe I'd tell him to shape up or ship out. You're the parent regardless of his age he has no business telling you that you need to do anything or treating you with disrespect. Good luck.

Answer 5

Let me get this straight....he's 22, still at home, unemployed, and you're worried about what you should do with him??? Tell him if he doesn't like the way you do things then he needs to get off of his lazy a-ss and do it himself. Regardless of how old he is, you are still his mother, and he needs to get a grip. If he didn't like what I made for dinner, he better make something for his damn self. I'm sure there's a McDonald's close!! Oh yeah by the way...whose dogs are they? Yours or his? Did the dogs complain??? Enough said!

Answer 6

At 22, he sounds like a real loser if he acts like this. And you sound like you are allowing his BAD BEHAVIOR to continue. he is 22, not 5! Tell him that he has exactly one month to get his affairs in order and then he is shipping out, job or no job. Dear, if you continue to put up with his little temper tantrums, he will continue throwing them. Who is the PARENT here? Him or YOU? I hope you. At this juncture in time you don't need a psychologist. You need a spare room and his bedroom is it! Tell him to hit the road and then FOLLOW through, otherwise he will eventually wrest control of EVERYTHING and you will be the one out on your sorry ***. Trust me, this kid is manipulating you!

Answer 7

Well, I now understand why you posted this under the toddler/preschool section. Kick his ungrateful butt out!!

Answer 8

I think you should drop him off at the local homeless shelter. You might feel bad about it but it will be the best for him. He may learn that he needs to be respectful and life isn't that easy.
I did this to my brother. He was sorry really really fast.
A woman a few towns over should have done this, but her son actually killed her because she let him walk all over her.
Make him learn to be a man.

Answer 9

I'm not a shrink but dump that lazy so and so, buy him a one way ticket to Edmonton Alberta , Canada, because of our oil boom McDonald's has to pay 10 /11 $ an hour , you have babied your baby for too long and he does not need to be a man , time for "tough love " mom.

Answer 10

first of all why is he 22, still living at home and is not working? and has the nerve to find faults in what you do? how about you let him know his faults every minute of the day..maybe then he'll get his lazy @$$ up and get a job..he has some nerve criticizing somebody and he isn't any better himself..you need to let him know that...that's just ridiculous..but sorry to say, this is part your fault because you allow him to do this...