am i being unreasonable?

Question

im 30 weeks pregnant and me and my boyfriend still live with his parents.Im desperate for a place of r own but he says hes not ready and that we cant afford it. How can I convince him to move out. do you think im being selfish? ijust want us to have a home of our own,and privacy is that too much to ask...help

Answer 1

First, write up a budget. Be sure to include:

-rent/mortgage
-renter's or mortgage insurance
-car payments
-car insurance
-water/sewer
-electricity
-gas
-trash service
-cable
-phone
-grocery
-gas for cars
-diapers and wipes
-formula if bottlefeeding/Lansinoh pads if breastfeeding
-baby food
-daycare... possibly?
-any other expenses

After you subtract your total monthly expenses from your monthly net income, you should have at least 10-20% left over for savings. If all is well, sit down with him and go over the list. Seeing a physical plan sometimes eases the anxiety. Offer to research apartments/houses and see if he'd be interested in going with you to walk through them. It will be easier if you guys were set up BEFORE the baby comes. It will be more diffucult to move, even with that baby in your tummy, AFTER the baby is there. Continue to save up for the next 10 weeks. If you have proven that you guys can afford it, then it might be that he is a little afraid of doing it on "his own." Just start to do things on your own to show him that you're ready, and he'll eventaully come along. I vote for the privacy.

Answer 2

I do not think it is too much to ask, nor do I think you are being selfish. It is human nature to desire your own privacy, but that scenario may not be realistic for you at this point. I would hear out your b/f carefully before assuming that he does not want the same things as you. Maybe all you two need is a little time to save up some money after your baby is born before you move out. Babies are very expensive and men are more fearful of this fact usually then women are.

Answer 3

No i dont think your being selfish at all. I would want my privacy to. I use to live with my daughters fathers family and not to talk bad but i was going insane i couldnt wait to be able to afford my own place i couldnt afford it on my own so i had to wait awhile i eventually ended up moving in with my best friend and then saved up to get my own place now its much better i definately agree on the privacy part. When its not ur own house you cant do what ever you want which makes you feel uncomfortable so try to save up and get ur own place as soon as possible when the baby is born its gonna drive u even crazier cuz everyone is gonna want to be around the baby and at that time your just gonna want to bond with your baby

Answer 4

I would feel the same way. I love my parents but I am very independent and have lived on my own since I was 18 and love my privacy. I don't think you are being unreasonable but just make sure you can afford a place of your own along with the high costs of raising a child

Answer 5

well if you think about it, youre being selfish, but then again your not. i mean i understand that you want a place of your own and that you want privacy, but if your boyfriend doesnt have the money to provide you with that at the moment you shouldnt force him. You live with him already, you should know why he is sayin NO! He probably thinks that he wouldnt be able to provide you and his child with everything you guys need if you get your own place. I think you should try to make it work by making up a saving plan. Save alot of money so you can move out. But dont think moving out is easy. You're goin to haev to pay alot more bills and have alot more responsibilities! Good Luck

Answer 6

If he can't afford it, he can't afford it. I see no reason why you are so upset? I can feel the frustration you are going through, being 30 weeks pregnant and all, but you need to think about how hard he is probably working just to be feeding you and himself along with trying to help pay his parents. Since I believe you are quite a young couple; let me just say this. The parents will help you. It is a major relief to not have to watch the kids a few days of the year or month; trust me. It is really hard living alone and it is hard to establish a home. Just be pacient.

Answer 7

He needs to become ready, you're going to have a child and start a family so he needs to step up and take some responsibility. There's safety and security of living with his family that he doesn't want to give up- he doesn't have to pay rent there and he doesn't have to keep a job to live there. However, having a child isn't a cheap thing, it involves money and a fair bit of it.
You wanting a home of your own isn't a bad thing, you're at the point where you're starting this family and you want a home of your own to do it in. If the relationship is serious enough for you to be having his child, its serious enough to be making plans to support that family.
Financially, if its possible it might be slightly better to live with his family for a bit after the baby's born since it will save you on money and give you a chance to work and build up the money needed to get an apartment or house. Maybe try sitting down with his parents and talking about it- bring up that you do want to move out and that you're not trying to dump the baby on them but, would they give you help to take care of the child until you have enough to move out.

Answer 8

you may not be ready and you may not be able to afford it, but you both want to live differently; too bad you didn't realise that before you got pregnant, because the child will have no say whatsoever in this equation. now. you have to ask yourself what will be better for the child? did you get pregnant so he'd move finally? will the extended family be a bonus or a hardship/ will they be a positive asset in your child's life? why do you want to move? if it is just to have your own place, that really isn't necessary, right? if it is because you aren't comfortable with your in-laws, that's another issue, but remember if he feels forced to move, everyone will blame you for any upset. do you have any privacy ? can you set a room up just for yourself and your husband?if you decide to stay, everyone has to agree that they want you to and that it is going to be everyone's home, not just your in-laws. if they cannot agree that it is your home, too then you should move; i don't mean ownership, I mean that the home is home to everyone that lives in it.
hope you do better and make better decisions in the future than you have up till now. keep well

Answer 9

he's not ready to move in together, but he helped make the baby??
You both need to talk openly and honestly, and draw up a list of finances. Do you have money for a surety? IMVHO the baby will cost far more than the mortgage/rent just within it's first yr of life

Privacy will help you bond with the baby, but on the other side of the coin...you might be totally greatfull for 2 pairs of extra hands when bubsy does arrive
No, I don't think your being selfish at all, the 3 of you will need quiet space and peacful time to truly bond as a family unit.

Hope this helps...and good luck with the impending arrival! :)

Answer 10

You should have thought about that before getting pregnant, But since you didn't...At 30wks, Now is probably not the best time to be trying to move out onto your own, especially if he doesn't think you have the finances to.

Stay there with his parents, After the baby is born, then the two of you should talk about moving out on your own...You'll LOVE the extra help with the new baby for the first couple weeks after birth (If you continue living with his parents)

But I agree w/the person who posted up there, You should have been living on your own, Before you got pregnant.

Best of luck to you!