My nephew is very very slow.... I try and make him do things on his own while here with me?

Question

Okay he is 4.5 years old...
Hes very overweight, can not talk very well (his speech is not understandable), he grunts and whines a lot. I make him ask for things if he wants them, put his own shoes on (but I do tie them). I feel he is capable of doing small tasks without my assistance.

I guess at 4.5 and not having a child who is slow makes it harder for me to understand. How much should I expect him to do on his own? It takes him like 5 minutes to figure out his shoes. When you ask him if he wants something he will dance for 10 minutes before realizing I want him to say if he wants it or not.

Answer 1

Soon your nephew will be going to school. He should probably be enrolled in some programs, even now. Special Education is not necessarily about bringing mentally challenged children up to the academic standards of higher functioning students. It is, however, aimed at helping them achieve as much independence as possible.

I think you are helping your nephew by encouraging him to do some things for himself, trying to encourge speech, etc. Some parents, whether out of unwarranted guilt, or a misconception about abilities of handicapped children to achieve, will indulge and thereby prolong dependence. This is not helpful to the child. As long as you are not being brutal or demanding unreasonable achievements, I think you are doing your nephew a favor by helping him to be as independent as possible.

Answer 2

It's hard to say how much he can do on his own, but it is good to work on performing tasks independently. I would start by working on following one step directions, with a lot of positive reinforcement every step of the way.

For example, hand him a book and tell him, "Put it on the table." Reward him with a small treat, high five, a few minutes playing with a small toy, something that he likes, for a short time, eventually working up to no reward needed, or only intermittently. Then you can work up to multiple step directions, and more complex tasks. Give short, direct directions, like, "Sit here," not "Please sit in this chair over here, Tommy, since I want to sit over there." It's not mean, it's less for him to process and easier for him to understand.

There are a lot of things that can be done to help him communicate better. He may be eligible for speech therapy or a special Pre-K program. Your local school district should be able to give you information.

You might also want to consider teaching him sign language. Start out with easy signs like yes and no, again with the rewards for correct responses. "Is your name Tom?" Sign yes. Good job and hug or high five.

There is also the Picture Exchange Communication System, PECS. It is a computer based program that has many applications. There are standard pictures for all sorts of things so that instead of grunting he can hand you a picture of what he wants or point to a picture. From this you can then work towards intelligible speech, but it sounds like you'll need professional help for him. It's really important to improve his communication skills more than anything else.

Create a language rich environment, read to him, label objects with words and pictures, and talk to him a lot.

These web sites might help.

www.cec.sped.org Council for Exceptional Children

www.speakingofspeech.com A site for parents, teachers, and speech/language pathologists

Answer 3

Your nephew's case sounds very similar to mine. My nephew is 11 and acts the same way, he has also been diagnosed with Autism. It's a difficult disease to understand, so I don't want to pretend that I'm a doctor, but I do think it would be a good idea to have him checked out by a doctor that specializes in children's mental health. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Maybe he has a mental handicap. Have you had it diagnosed? Maybe he needs psycological help, or has a birth defect that is yet to be diagnosed. Some children don't grasp concepts or ideas as fast as others. I was a slow child, but I have Cerebral Palsy from birth and it has slowed me down. I do the same tasks but not as fast.

Answer 5

His parent might be in denial, I have a friend that has the same problem, you may want to suggest taknig him to see a doctor, without actually hurting his parents feelings. Try to be sensitive. My son is 4 and does everything very well, my friend kind of understood when we were talking and we compared the two.