Girl Im interested in wont/cant open up about herself. Any suggestions?

Question

i have been interested in this girl for a short while now, and we recently went out on a first date (had coffee and then saw a movie with my friend and his gf). the date went well and i heard through a mutual friend that she likes me but doesnt know where it is going to go just yet. this girl is great. she's beautiful and a ton of fun. when we're out together with our mutual friends we're shy, but have been less shy with every time we see each other. the problem is that every time i ask her about herself (interests, past, etc.) she has little to no response. she says it's bc all her friends always come to her for advice so she has never really opened up and talked to others about herself. naturally, this makes having a conversation or furthering any sort of romantic relationship with her very difficult. we talked for awhile the other night and she started to open up a tiny bit. my question is what, if anything can i do to try and get her to open up some more?

Answer 1

First of all, this girl sounds like an introvert, and there's nothing you can do to force her to open up and talk. She's not an extrovert. She's probably not bubbly, open, outgoing. She's just herself. And that means you have to get to know her on her terms.

I'm an introvert, and have chatted online a long time. If it's one thing I hate it's people who insist on "getting me to open up". SPARE ME! Whatever you do, don't make small talk. Introverts think small talk is pointless and rather stupid. We much prefer in-depth, interesting conversation about topics that interest us and that matter.

I'd urge you to try out a number of conversational gambits. I'd bet you what works is to talk about issues, not about her. Introverts -- and I can tell you this from personal experience -- hate talking about themselves. You'll find out a lot more about us by the what we do and how we think about certain topics.

Introverts are looking, listening and judging every moment, and not in a negative sense, but in a very neutral sense. Whatever you do, don't rush or push. Don't talk to her about how she won't (or more insultingly can't -- she most certainly can, it's just a question of with whom and on her own terms) open up, or she won't ever open up. Just accept her as she is -- deep, thoughtful, quiet, observant, probably very intellectual and analytical, practical, down to earth.

If you're interested, do a search online for the article by Jonathan Rauch, "Caring for Your Introvert" in the Atlantic. Rauch himself is an introvert and he gives an insider's view of just how misunderstood introverts are in society, and just how clueless most extroverts are. I'd also urge you to do a search for Kiersey Temperament Sorter or the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. These websites might give you much more insight into the inner workings of your intovert friend, because trust me, the inner world is where it's at for introverts.

Good luck. I hope this helps. Cheers, K

Answer 2

I would suggest giving her more time. If you open up to her and tell her some things about yourself that you want to know about her then that will kind of open the door for her to add her experiences. I used to be the same way. I didnt know how to open up but someone helped me to open up by just talking and initiating the convo and then I just slowly began to open up. Dont tell her she needs to open up more because if she is a shy girl it will only make her feel uncomfortable and more scared to open up. Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 3

First off, start by talking about her day. Ask how "how did that make you feel?" "And waht was your response to that?" Ask questions that are not open-ended. In otherwords, ask questions that require an answer, not just yes or no questions. If you are truly interested in this woman, then make the effort to get to know her. Who knows what might happen?

Answer 4

She sounds as though she is being cautious, which is a good thing. Give her some time to open up more. You don't want to scare her off. She may have been hurt in the past and have her guards up. Take your time with her.

Answer 5

Keep asking questions, keep being there and don't push.
Some people are so used to being there for everyone else that it is hard for them to understand that what they want and like is important to someone.
Also, it takes time to build up trust and she may have had some people that she trusted break that trust before.

Answer 6

Give her time, don't push, when she gets ready, she'll tell you. What's the big deal anyway. Talk about anything, mostly your life if it helps and that may open the door to her mentioning something about herself.....

Answer 7

give up now before you start to really like her..or get ready to spend a lifetime trying to pry out of her whatever happens to be bugging her at any given moment...girls like that keep everything inside and drive the people around them crazy, and then when it fianlly does all come out it makes little to no sense to anyone including her..find someone else, you don't need the grief

Answer 8

talk more. talk about anything, make her comfortable to talk to you. if she doesn't want to answer, that is fine. go to another topic. make her talk, make her open up, joke around with her, make her laugh. Girls who laugh to you, feel comfortable with you, and hope this help.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Get'r drunk.....