I have 2 mother-in-laws. They hate each other. I care for them both.?

Question

I think that my mother in law hates the fact that I talk to my step-mother-in-law. She won't attend any functions like birthday parties for her grandaughter because she does not want to run in to her or my father in law. What should I do?

Answer 1

Yowch. Nobody can complicate your life like the people you love. Here's the thing - you can't influence much what anyone thinks/says/does. They're all making choices here. They may never like each other.

What you can do is hold the line. "I love you both and I'm just not getting in the middle of this. I wish you could just be polite to each other so you can come to your granddaughter's party, but that's your choice."

Because it is.

You can't make them get along. You can refuse to get involved in the drama. If any party (like your MIL) would rather have a snit than be at the party, it's sad, but it's also her choice. At some point, she might get tired of missing out, so you just keep the door open (see above) and let her come when she gets tired of holding her breath. Good luck!

Answer 2

Is it possible for you to entertain them seperatly? Have like 2 different parties?

If it is a hassle to do that, then you have to sit down with the mother in-law and explain that it does cause problems when she doesn't come to invited family functions.

When you think about it, she's the one missing out. Remind her of this. It's not your fault you like your step mom in-law, and you shouldn't be made to feel like you shouldn't. Let her know this bothers you.

It sounds like she is harboring some very ill feelings from the ex. This is also nothing you can do.

Ask her to try holding her head high and attending, so it's better for all.

Answer 3

There is not to much you can do about that situation I understand completely I am in the same situation. What you can do is have the bday party and your father in law and step mother in law will be there.. Then maybe go out to eat with your mother in law or something for your daughter....the differance for me though is they live in different cities so we have my daughters bday party and my mother in law goes then the next weekend we go to my step mother in laws house and go to dinner or to the park or something

Answer 4

There isnt anything that you could do about that. It is great that you get along with them still. The more family you have in your life the merrier. She is in the wrong on this one and missing out on her grand children parties and on them growing up. So just keep doing what you are doing.

Answer 5

Do nothing...they're the ones who have the problem... with each other. Don't allow them to make you feel that you need to choose between them. Your granddaughter is a lucky little girl to have 2 grandmas who can be in her life--if they choose to grow up and put her first.

Answer 6

Age old question, most mothers dont think the choice of a mate for her child will ever be good enough....

Answer 7

Just keep them seperate and try not to ever mention them to eachother. Old women are stubborn when it comes to that sort of stuff, it wont get better so dont make it worse by trying to make it better.

Answer 8

Just tell her she is missing out on her grandkids lifes. There isn't much to can do for them to get along, sorry.

Answer 9

It is sad that she chooses to miss out on important events her grandchilds life over something immature and childish. My ex and I both were from divorced families and we would have 2 of everything to try to and please everyone. I finally said enough is enough either get over yourself, come, BEHAVE and enjoy your grandchildren or dont. You have to put the responsibility on them and not try to please everyone, only your daughter.

Answer 10

Even thought they hate each other you shouldnt put yourself down. why do that hate each other its probaly no logical good enough reaswon,but dont put yourselfd down for there foolishness. ~~Good Luck,Hope I help~~