Why do people who can't have children pressure people who don't want children into having them?

Question

I have 2 co-wkrs. one does not want kids the other does and says that the one who doesn't is selfish for not having any. I told the one who doesn't want kids to stick 2 her guns because I was born of a mother who didnt' want kids and it was not fun. I also feel that is something you should want in your heart and soul an be ready for the experience and the responsibility. That if she truly does not want children and has made plans not to have them then that is very mature. I told the woman who can't have children that she is self - centered; telling someone they should have a baby because she can't. She would not be the one raising or caring for it in any way especially financially. I told her that it was very mature of that girl to be placed on bc's so she can't get pregnant and no one should have a baby so someone else can live throught them vicariously. What do you think?

I personally think and told my co-worker (both) that if you want children it can be a blessing but if you dont it can be a hell for parents and children. I mom had 3 kids and never planned or wanted any of us and I personally felt it and still feel it. Just because you can produce a child doesn't mean you should.

It's not selfish it's responsible.

What's selfish is to not want children have them and mistreat and/or neglect them.

Answer 1

Well I think the woman who can't have kids wishes she could and doesn't understand how someone cannot want to have children. I don't think she understands that everyone isn't made to have children and she is a prime example. I think your co-worker who decided not to have children is right and mature in her decision making. You should definately want children if you have them.

Answer 2

I think it has a lot to do with gender. My BF and I are dedicated anti-kidders. Don't have 'em, don't want them. When he tells people that, they just nod. When I tell people that I get all these things like "That's what I thought before I had kids" "You'd feel different if it was your own" etc etc etc. Women are expected to be nurturing and motherly. If you're not, you're a freak or a monster. I'm a great mother to my dogs but for the love of god, spare me the rug rats.

I think it also has to do with validation - please validate my life choice by making the same one. Sort of like if go to a strange restauraunt and order the goulash and the guy at the next table does the same "the goulash must be good if that guy wants it, too.".

Quite frankly it annoys the crap out of me. Not all women are baby machines. And if every single women had babies we'd be in big poop, environmentally and economically. Non-breeders are good for the environment.

Answer 3

people who desperatly want children and can't have them, have no idea what it is like to not want children. Not every woman is dying to have a baby, many would prefer not to. No one should ever be forced into having a baby, and those who do have children despite not wanting to, often regret the decision and sadly the child for the rest of their lives. I think you were right in what you told your coworkers.

Answer 4

I think it is because those who can't realize what a blessing that those who can have. Its just one of those things. I think those who don't want kids , its their choice but I do believe they are missing out on some things, but they may not be suitable for children and thats why they have chose not to have kids. You would have to be in someones shoes who just can't have kids. They see someone who just doesn't want them, they feel most likely like its a waste... harsh but its true

Answer 5

I agree..but to live vicariously through someone else is at times a sanity saver... But you are absolutely right...no one should push their views onto anyone else or make them feel bad...

Answer 6

because they know that children r a blessing. and i think they think i would do anything for a child and here u can have one and wont. what is wrong with u. u know what i mean. i have been blessed i am able to have children and if it was up to me i would have atleast 5.