Is it wrong to "sometimes" feel a disliking for your own mother? She has done me both good AND bad in my life.

Question

I love her so so much,and she does me,but there's also been too much craziness between us,and she's been pretty darn mean to me,and won't be humble and sorry about it. I feel so bad for feeling this way. Anyone out there with suggestions?

Answer 1

Of course you sometimes feel that way. We LOVE unconditionally, but that does not mean we must LIKE everything someone does. If you adopt this as the path on life's journey, you will know peace.

Answer 2

I think you need to come to terms with your REAL feelings for your mother. This can be very difficult to do.(honour thy father and thy mother) But you know it really is okay to not like your mother for some of the things she did. Also the good things do not take away the bad things.

Humans aren't perfect so neither are mothers...they get stressed and blow up go over the top...sometimes way over the top...and that's not right. They too can feel guilty, so guilty that to say sorry would be to admit and face the things they did.

SO don't beat yourself up over your feelings......try to accept that while there was some good stuff there was also a lot that was not good.
Sometimes, however, the hurt and anger for the past can eat us away, going over and over things that were said and done.....yet no apology...I know this from very similar experience to yours.

You could take the bull by the horns when you and your mother are relaxing and begin to talk just in general about nicer things that happened in the past...then get philosophical and say 'Before you had me...did you know what kind of a mother you wanted to be?' This could lead to her beginning to open up. Maybe.

When you say 'I love her so much' it sounds as though you would be afraid even to THINK that maybe there are/were things you DIDN'T really love. Think hard about this.

You see it really is okay to have all these mixed feelings, it's not bad, it's not disloyal, it doesn't make you a mean daughter....it is simple fact.

Please don't feel bad, your feelings are normal. Let the guilt go, and try to focus on your relationship as it is now.

I hope this helps a little.

Answer 3

What is hard for me to understand is why you don't post your age? Are you 13? 35? 50? Of course, this makes a difference. If you're a kid, then you must know that as we mature, our attitudes about adults and parents change. Somehow, the parent gets smarter as we get older. How does that work?
The strong feelings that immature people have about almost everything has to do with growing, getting your own identity, learning that you must be your own person. Doesn't it?

We use 'immature' as a perjorative sometimes. In fact almost everyone, regardless of age, exhibits some immaturity now and then. Kids get to be immature because.. fact is.. they are!

So.. of course you love your mom. And, naturally, she loves you. If you realize that as personalities evolve that accord is available only when you find an honest way to communicate. If you are a kid and only want to do what you want to do and your mom thinks that you should do something else, then, a compromise might be an idea. When we get upset, compromise and reason fly out the window.

Can you be grownup enough to lobby for good communication with your mom? Can she be adult enough to listen? This stuff doesn't happen over night, but with sincere effort and love, a good result is on the horizon.

Answer 4

no its not wrong feelings come to us if we want them to or not theres no need to drag yourself down in guilt over it some people can like each other best in small doses i wish i had realised this with regard to me and my mother before it was too late try to get on and don't be in each others faces when you hit a bad patch it`s hard to know what to say as you didn`t give your age but if your very young instead of going over the same old stuff " the less said the soonest mended " maybe you could go in your room or to a friends if you start feeling angry .Anyway in some families its like that a love hate sort of thing at least you do know you love her i hope things get better between you soon : )

Answer 5

Ok. I know what u mean. My mom took my cash from my secret stash to pay for my dads glasses without asking me. Arent parents suppose to take care of the kids????? Not the other way around. Anywho, she was mean and hateful to me all through childhood. So, sometimes it is hard to have a relationship with her. She was physically abusive too. But it is easier now and have forgiven her. I know exactly where u r coming from. Yes it is ok to not quite like her. But watch out. U could become just like her. Be your own self.

Answer 6

In the end she is your mother. She loves you. I "dislike" my parents sometimes. You have to put it behind you though because she is the person who brought you here. I have family members who stop talking to each other and it's very sad. If you let the grudge get in the way, you will waste time. Confront your mother when you're not angry and calmly explain that she hurts you when she does/says certain things. If you explain it in a docile manner I am sure she will try to stop.

Answer 7

It is normal for children and parents to not like each other sometimes. If the love is there, though, you will eventually realize that your mom did the best she could with what she had and isn't perfect....who is? All parents make mistakes.

Answer 8

i understand what your feeling i dislike my mom sometimes too she is always in my business and don't know how to stay out she can be nice at times and than a but other times so no it is not wrong

Answer 9

Not liking someone and still love them.... It is human You have good times and bad just as long as you can forgive her it is the good news.

To forgive ,you may even teach your mother to forgive also. And if not then you can consider yourself the bigger adult

Stay human and you will be just find.

Answer 10

Yeah, sometimes my mom is a little mean to me too. And very strict. But it's all for my own good...