Am I too young to start searching for my Dad?

Question

When I was 3 years old my Dad walked out on my mom, and I haven't seen or heard from him since. I'm now 13 and keep wondering if I should try to find him. I find it hard to talk to my mom about him because I have a Stepdad, so I haven't really mentioned him much. Do you think it would be possible for me to find my Dad on my own? What should I do?

Answer 1

No don't try to find him on your own. You should tell your mother that you want to see your father. Don't worry about your stepdad both of them should understand and should help you. You sound mature enough but you need help from them
Good luck

Answer 2

I'm really sorry your biological father has let you down. Remember...anyone can make a baby, to be a "Dad" you have to BE there. So your stepfather is more a father to you than this man you don't even remember much about. It's very hurtful to be abandoned by a parent. I think you are too young to search for him on your own, though. I would talk privately with your mother about him. Tell her that even though you have a good stepdad, you feel a need to know more about your natural father. Ask her all the questions you have about him. Perhaps she can shed some light on why he hasn't visited you, where he might be, if he has ever paid child support (which he is obligated by law to do and if he hasn't, he still owes it and may be hiding from your mother for that reason), etc. If she won't talk about it, then go to your school counselor for guidance as to what you should do. I know you don't want to hurt your mother and step dad and make them upset, but you do have a right to know your biological father at some point. If he hasn't contacted you or paid support, though, chances are he doesn't want to see you because it will just remind him of what he ran from. But, you should try to find him when you are an adult, if your mother won't help you right now. When you are an adult you can do an internet search for him or hire a private investigator to find him for you. Count your blessings, if you have a good mom and Step dad.

Answer 3

I'm in a similar predicament; except that my father left when my mum was 3 months pregnant - so the only contact I have had is telephone. My mum has stayed (mostly!) single, and answers any question I ask, however it feels awkward (on my part, not hers) to talk about him. Having never met my dad, and only talked about him in brief conversations, I feel neither affection nor resentment towards him, and it is only very recently that I even thought of perhaps making contact.

My mum has actively searched for my father ever since we lost contact when I was around 3, however the searches failed to find him - and my mum was told that she could no longer look for him and that I would have to look for him myself once I was 18.

I think that this is actually quite a good idea, and I plan to sit tight and contemplate whether I actually really want to see him. Once I do get to the grand onld age of 18 (I'm 16 at the moment), I feel that I will be in a better position to handle meeting him, if I do choose to look for him.

I would advise you to weigh up the pros and cons. As alot of other people have said, chat to your mum and try to find out who your father really is, and be prepared for him having another family - you may even have some half siblings!

So, just have a good think. Maybe waiting a few years isn't such a bad thing. Maybe it is (a bad thing, that is). Only you can decide, but don't be too hasty.

Good Luck, whatever you choose to do!

Answer 4

It might not be what you want to hear, but I would wait a few years if I were you. Not only will it be easier for you to have access to public records thorough the right channels once you are and adult, it will also give yourself time to think this through, and see how it will affect both you and you immediate family mentally and emotionally. finding a parent is a huge task and responsibility for a 13 year old -and while it is really curious and I understand you want to know about your real dad, he really can't have wanted you and your mum too much now, can he? He had his own reasons for going, your mum had her reasons for letting him go and they weren't anything to do with you. You are opening a can of worms bigger than you realise and you need to be emotionally prepared to deal with it on your own - it is not fair to start this off, then expect your mum to deal with it for you!
Maybe just approach your mum and have a chat, see how she feels. She probably has been expecting you to ask - but just be aware of the consequences of what you are doing.

Answer 5

id suggest you try and speak to other members of your family that way you can get some idea about why your dad left there is always two sides to every story.just because someone is a bad partner it doesnt always mean they are a bad parent,maybe they were both young and he couldnt cope with the responsibility or maybe he was a bad lot try and find out before you do anything or tell your mum she will be frightend you will be hurt like she was.take it slowly I do hope you find him and that he turns out to be the great dad that you deserve but be prepared for anything and dont loose sight of the fact that your mum has always been there for you good luck

Answer 6

It's only natural to wonder about your real parent. I suggest talking to your mom about it, even if the subject is a sore spot for her. Obviously something happened that was unpleasant or your real dad wouldn't have walked out. If you think of your stepdad as your dad, let him know that so his feelings don't get hurt.

Answer 7

You really need to talk to your mum, it will probably upset her that you want to find him, but she loves you and she will deep down understand why you need to do this. At the end of the day your dad left when you were so young, he has not been involved in your life at all and your mum has had to cope with that and bring you up herself, yoour dad suddenly being a part of your life again after all this time must be pretty daunting for her. If you understand this then you will be able to talk to her and make her understand why you need to find your dad. She will probably be the one person that can help you find him, she may know where his relatives live and if you can speak to them they may know of his whereabouts. Please don't get your hopes up, go into this with your eyes wide open, you do not know all the reasons why he left and why he hasn't seen you for all these years. Be prepared for him to welcome you with open arms, but also for him not to be the person you hope that he is.
I really hope it all works out for you, you need someone with you on this and the best person is your mum, she will always be there for you when you need her.
Take care
xxx

Answer 8

Check with a lawyer. You may be too young to legally be able to do this. Also, please keep in mind that you do not want to hurt your parents (Mom and Stepdad), by doing this. You need to be sensative to their emotions about this, too. When you are 18, then you will be of legal age, and you can persue it then.

You also need to ask yourself why you want to do this...are you being selfish? Are you disliking your stepdad, so this is some way of bonding with another dad? Don't expect your bio dad to be a darling...he isn't in your life for a reason. Keep that in mind. Your Mom has her reason why your bio dad is gone, and your stepdad is "in". Please think it through.

Answer 9

Well I didnt have a relationship with my dad either Heck I didnt even really see him until I turned 17!
But I do think if you want to know who he is that is your choice and you should ask your mom how to find him after you explain to her that you want to atleast know who he is. she should understand this, if not then wait until she comes to you and helps you find him she just might be in shock after she finds out you want to know the man the walked out on you and her.
But really give her some time and she'll come around if she doesnt the 1st time! God Bless you and just remember God is the real Father in this situation! And He'll never leave you.

Answer 10

Maybe you should try to find information on the Internet, or something like that. I'm thirteen and if I was trying to find my dad I'd do that. I wouldn't go talk to him yet if you do find out where he lives though. If he walked out, things could be a little awkward just now, and it could end in tears. Wait a little while, think about whether you're ready to cope if you get rejected, then go for it. Good luck.

Answer 11

yes it would be possible to find your dad alone, but why would you it's nothing to be ashamed of he is your dad, even if he walked out on you, but i think it will be a good idea to speak to your mum,tell her it has nothing to do with your step dad its not because you don't like him it's just you feel you would like to know your dad now a bit better,your mother could tell you where his parents live.or did he have a family. I'm sure if you let her know it wont change anything between you and her I'm sure after she has thought about it sh will see it's your right' just don't expect to much, good luck..