I was abused by my Dad as a Child and attacked by a boy in College. I also had a man stalk me from the age of 12-19. I have a very hard time trusting men but I am ready to be involved in a relationship with a good guy. Any advice on trust issues and how to overcome them.
2006-11-08 06:55:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You have had a very rough past and therefore being involved in a serious relationship will be a very difficult task. However, you must remember that while men have hurt you in the past, not every man is the way your abusers were. I'm sorry you're experiences have caused great damaged and made you fearful and paranoid of men. You say you are ready to be involved in relationship with a good guy, but i think before you do that you must first overcome your trust issues. The fact that you WANT to be involved in a relationship is already the first step in overcoming, and the first step is the hardest. I suggest for the next step, deciding what you want in a relationship. Your past will affect the traits you choose, and that is perfectly normal. Once youve decided what exactly you are looking for, your search for a good guy will be made much easier.
good luck
xoxo
2006-11-08 07:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support groups are a very good place to get help. The group "New Life Ministries" is specifically designed to help people develop healthy, nurturing relationships. You can find them on the web.
How can you learn to trust? Trust is something to be earned, and not easily. Do they treat you well? Are they consistent in a manner that pleases you? Do they say one thing and then do another? Do they act one way when around you and totally different when with their friends?
You are a precious person deserving of respect those you come in contact with. Respect yourself, love yourself and demand those that want to know you and get to be close with you to do the same.
Good luck with this.
2006-11-08 07:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by Bud 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need to be honest with this guy, and tell him you will need to take things slowly. As long as you are willing to try, and the guy is willing to hang in there with you, you will with time learn to trust again. I think some therapy would also definitely help. You don't want the guy to feel like he has to solve all your problems. The therapist can help you work through the problems, and you can then learn to enjoy a relationship with the guy. Good luck.
2006-11-08 07:02:18 · answer #3 · answered by Noelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it very, very slowly, and think it through thoroughly before you really commit. Also, join a support group you can trust, and be straightforward about your experiences when you meet someone. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then get out soon. If he does want to make it work, make sure the relationship is built on truth.
Good luck, dear!
2006-11-08 07:06:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a few friends that had this problem half of my friends went gay, i understand what you mean by having a hard time trusting guys, but i think you should keep going and trust the guy that you are with if you can imagine him doing something like that think really hare before spending too much time with him. if you cant stay with him. I'm so sorry you had t go through this.
2006-11-08 07:01:24 · answer #5 · answered by K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling and talking about these issues. You have to come to terms with what happened to you and when you feel you've met a good man, tell him about all of these things that have happened to you so that he can understand why you'll be certain ways about certian things.
Until then, go to a gym, work out, eat healthy and do things to make you feel good about yourself. These are confidence boosters and I'm sure you'll need all the ones you can get.
PS, I'm sorry you've been thru what you have. You deserve a happy and healthy life. Don't be afraid to fight for that.
2006-11-08 06:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do if I were you and you wanted to get close to any potential man, please don't make any assumptions about who ever it is that you are seeing. You have to let them act on their own. You need to convey that you are in charge of yourself and let the guy know that it is going to take a while for you to be completely comforatable in given situations.
Other than that, I don't think thearpy is such a bad idea if you have troble with copping with what happen to you in the past.
If you have moved on and now have the attitude that you own yourself then you don't need help.
Above all be in charge of who you are.
2006-11-08 07:07:55 · answer #7 · answered by newrenaiss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any one that has been as traumatized as you have needs special support. I hope you are in a good working relationship with a counselor you respect and trust. Take it slow. Choose your partners carefully. I know it won't be easy, but you need to step out and make up for your sad past with a happy future.
2006-11-08 06:58:49 · answer #8 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
without being in the same situation and overcoming it..its hard to say. but in my opinion...when you find someone just be upfront about your trust issues...not saying spill your guts about it (you can do that at the right time)....but just let them know you have them. take things day by day, if you have a problem with something, tell them before your mind goes wild with ideas. and of course take things slow..the right guy will be understanding and patient with you about this
2006-11-08 07:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I'm the right person to give advice on this sort of thing, but I really do wish you all the luck in the world and hope that your future relationships are memorable... Good luck to you...
2006-11-08 06:58:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋