Hi, I was wondering what you guys might think. I need advice... Here are some details: I'm married, no children, the house is my dad's, we help him with the mortgage.
So what happened was that there were some repairs that needed to be done inside my house, that's why mom was in my house. She was with the repair man. They were in my living room, they needed to move the dining room table, and accidentally knocked over a glass my husband left on the floor. She called me to tell me about it. I got upset, first because I had no idea she would be in my house, and second because of the glass. My mom frequently goes inside my house. It might be to use the bathroom , or sometimes she just goes in cause she's thirsty, and sometimes she cleans some dirty dishes I might have there, or take out my garbage. I appreciate all these things that she does for me, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. Thus why I hadn't said anything.My husband doesn't like this too much. I am just being stupid?
2006-11-08 06:48:35 · 14 answers · asked by miamiorange00 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
From what I understand you have a pretty good deal living in a house that you don't own and paying less rent than you might somewhere else. Your mother was in your house with a repairman. She goes in to clean for you, etc. Probably, you should have discussed this before you moved in. Your parents may own the house, but they need to respect your privacy, too. They probably don't even think about it since they own the house and they don't come in uninvited when you are home. Your mother means well, but she is making a mistake because she is "helping" you where you don't need help and making you feel like a child instead of the adult that you are. This is what I would do. Take you mother out to lunch some Saturday. Tell her how much you love her, what a wonderful mother she's been all your life and how much you appreciate her. Then, tell her that you are hoping she will understand something that bothers you. Tell her that you need to feel like a mature adult now. You will always need her advice, but you want to take charge of your life on your own. You want to clean up your own kitchen, take out your own trash, and, if repairs are needed to your home, you want to give her permission to go in with a repairman and not be surprised by it. (Maybe you want a chance to clean up the house before the repairman arrives.) You are really happy with the good deal you have rent-wise, but you feel as if you have lost some privacy with that deal. Ask her if she'd be offended if you asked her to let you know before she goes into your house from now on. At least, this will open a dialogue. If she is understanding, that's great. If not, be prepared to move to another place where you and your husband can have the privacy you need. No landlord goes in his tenant's home without first calling.
2006-11-08 07:47:19 · answer #1 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR first paragraph gives us the information we need -- it is the HOME of your parents, and you "help" pay the mortgage -- which ....
In the terms of this Long-Term Single Parent who has done this with an adult child (who I FINALLY HAD TO KICK OUT of MY home!) ...
YOU are being SUBSIDIZED by your parents to LIVE in the home -- so BE AWARE that it is a BLESSING that they can do this for you at this time.
If one stupid glass was knocked over -- and they are checking on the home every so often -- LET IT GO -- it is THEIR PROPERTY (by the way), and they, like any property owner, need to check up on the status of the home and to make sure that the repairs are done correctly (and I am assuming that THEY paid for the Repairs -- since you 'forgot' to mention payment for the repairs).
2006-11-08 07:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by sglmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her u need ur space and ask for ur key back or better yet change the locks. My mom has a key for my house but knows she has to call and tell me why she is going into the house and what she is doing. Just give her some ground rules and u guys should be just fine
2006-11-08 06:58:12 · answer #3 · answered by MELISSA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're husband comes first and if he doesn't like Mom in there then you both need to sit down with her and set up some guidelines or revoke her key. You didn't mention if mom and dad are together but if dad was poking around it would be different because the house is in his name and he has a legal right to it.
2006-11-08 06:51:42 · answer #4 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law does the same thing!
It's her house but we live there and she comes over sometimes to fix a light or tighten a lose pipe...She's handy at manly things
Anyhow it use to bother me and since it was her house she also left things in the way like a huge tool table bigger than a dining room table! But eventually I took control over the biggest things like her leaving her things behind I took them out to the shop behind our house! So that they wouldnt be in my way but she still comes over sometimes when Im not there and while my husbands at work but I guess It doesnt really bother me anymore!
God bless.
2006-11-08 07:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not stupid. You appreciate your mom and obviously she thinks nothing of going into your house. Since you and your husband are uncomfortable about the idea, try explaining nicely to her that you prefer that she tells you before going into your house because that would make you feel it is actually your house, not anybody else's.
2006-11-08 06:54:57 · answer #6 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everybody has there own rules about this kind of thing. I guess it depends on how close you are with you mom. Is she there just nosying around or is she there doing something? You know your mom better than anyone. Do you trust her? If so, then it's not a problem. If not, lay down some guide lines.
2006-11-08 07:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by kcastillo1220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'Fraid I agree with snglmom, it IS your Dad's house, right? You are "helping" him with the mortgage, so does that mean your parents are paying part of the mortgage, too? Do they live next door or something? It sounds very weird to me. If you don't want your Mom in "your" house, maybe you should think about finding another place to live.
2006-11-08 07:28:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mom only had a key to our place for an emergency. I don't think she should be in there without permission, it's not generally done.
2006-11-08 06:51:21 · answer #9 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not being stupid. You need to tell her in a polite way your feelings and she should understand.
2006-11-08 06:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by stephenl1950 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋