I had coffee with a guy (randomly met in a coffee shop as a friend's friend's friend because he was basically embarassed into it or at least that's the way I perceive it being). He's a super nice guy, and we do have things in common. However, I'd like to be friends with the guy first to see if there's interest on my part and I also think we could be good friends...not sure if there's more there, but I don't want to mislead him into thinking that it's dating/relationship. He's asked me to see if I wanted to go to a sporting event this weekend. I have no clue really what he's thinking. Should I say anything to him about just wanting to be friends right now...and can I tell him over email, the phone, or should I agree to the sporting event and tell him there? What should I do? He's also leaving at the end of the year, and I just met him, so I have no clue why he's 'asking me out' right now. How do you bring that up in conversation and if you don't know what he's thinking?
2006-11-08 06:28:14 · 7 answers · asked by 081930 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Would it be horrible of me to try and hint at just hanging out as friends in my email back to him? Or would it be better if I give him a call? Althought I have no idea how I would bring that up in a conversation, I'm a shy person to begin with and I hate confrontations. I also don't want it to be mean. A little more background into this weird encounter (while doing homework), it was one of his friends whose friends with my friend who goaded him into it. So he did ask about going out? After the call, I just tried to steer it more as coffee shop get together rather than the dinner he suggested. If given this new info, I wonder what everyone thinks I should do?
2006-11-08 08:43:20 · update #1
You sound very intelligent, so just be up front and honest with him. You don't say where he's going, but if he's not going to be around for a relationship, then I wouldn't bother getting involved that way. If you want to go with him this weekend, tell him you'd love to go HANG OUT as friends. I think it's so smart to start any relationship off as friends and see where it goes from there. You can't force chemistry and all romantic relationships that I've had where we weren't friends first...have ended. Maybe he's just asking you out as a friend - just find a way to bring it up casually and even make a joke about it if you have to. If he's weird or a jerk, then drop the whole thing and write him off. Good luck!!
2006-11-08 06:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by atxtallchick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your feelings now. Say something like I always like to get to know a person as a friend before I even think about getting into a relationship with them. If you want to go to the sporting event, say yes but on the condition that you pay for your own ticket. If he gives you a hard time about paying pick-up the bill for anything else you might do that day.
2006-11-08 06:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by pmz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You accept the offer and go. Don't put any pressure on something until you figure out what his intentions are. If he tries to make a move or call it a date, just say "I'm very flattered but I'm not exactly looking for anything serious at the moment. How about we spend time together and become friends and see what happens from there?" and if he thinks you're worth it, that will be just fine with him!
2006-11-08 06:32:35 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him everything you just told all of us. You have no real connection to him and he is leaving so if he doesn't handle it well then there isn't a huge loss. If he respects that than you two can have fun while hes here and keep in touch when he leaves. Just call him up or invite him out to coffee before the sporting event and tell him just like you told us. honesty is a great thing.
2006-11-08 06:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by bree_1384 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. He might be interested in something romantic, but he probably wants to get to know you, too. (Maybe the same way you feel, sine you say you want to be friends "first.") I'd say hang out & have fun. If it starts to seem like he's interested in something more than that, and you don't want it to go there, that's when you tell him.
Whatever you do, don't act like you're interested if you're really not.
2006-11-08 06:35:34 · answer #5 · answered by Sir N. Neti 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it slip in a conversation that he's like your brother. That should stop him in his tracks.
2006-11-08 06:30:45 · answer #6 · answered by sedrick a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him straight but nicely
2006-11-08 06:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋