My boyfriend isn't ready to get engaged what should I do? We've been together for 2 years.?

Question

At the beginning of our second year we went through a miscarriage and our relationship is stronger than ever. Six months ago we had the talk about marriage he said that he would propose in 2-3 months. Now he says maybe in a year. He says he loves me and that the only reason we aren't engaged is that he has to come to and understanding in his mind about being a husband and that he isn't ready to give up his adult unmarried life. He says there is no one else and that he doesn't want to be with any one else and that it's not me but it's him. We've lived together for a year and 2 months. what should I do? Should I just leave and give him his space because I get the feeling he just wants to have his cake and eat it too. I love him and I know he loves me. Please give me GREAT advice

Answer 1

I had to wait 4 years 10 months for a proposal. 2 years is nothing. Plus a lot of people now days are choosing not to get married and they just live together.

How old are both of you? If you are both 20 or something like that I can see where he is coming from. But if you are already living like you are married, what's the difference?

You could always ask him to marry you. Just make it a longer engagement like 2 years?

Or if you really don't like how things are going you could always leave.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I dated almost 7 years before getting married! (We just got married Sept. 3) I don't really know your personal situation, but we started dating when I was 15 and I wanted to finish college and become financially stable before getting married. In retrospect, I am glad we waited because who knows how it would have worked out if we would have gotten married sooner. Through those years we were able to hang out with friends and be more independent without the pressure of being married. If this is the guy for you, give him some time and be appreciative that he is being honest about his feelings. If you are older and are wanting to start a family soon and don't want to wait much longer to get married, move on and find someone else who had the same life plans you do. Good luck you you guys!

Answer 3

"It's not you, it's me" is one of the most overused BS lines there is (trailing close behind "Hey baby what's your sign"). I've got news: he has "given up" his "single adult life" when he made a committment to you. Hmmmm, unless he never made this committment to begin with? Could there be a misunderstanding?

I don't know how much this relationship is worth to you. I would have a hard time with someone who in esssence told me that they were making no committments for an indefinite period of time. Two years is plenty enough to figure out if you want to marry the person. It may very well happen that he will never be "ready" for marriage; he wants the benefits of a relationship without the committment, he's getting them - what else does he need? If I were you, I would re-evaluate this relationship. If marriage is what you want, it would probably be wise to not waste much more time, and look for a person who actually *wants* a family.

Answer 4

Hello


I had the same problem in my previous relationship. We were together for 2 years bought a house together the whole bit. But he just wasn't into the whole marriage thing.
That broke my heart it really did.

But the advise that i can give to you Hun, since i went thought something very similar. Is talk about it to him once more. Try to find out his reasons for not wanting to marry you now. Find out what he is waiting on.

Then comes the hard part....

This was the hardest part for me.



You have to look at what you want VS what he wants. And you have to know that there are something that you shouldn't have to compromise.

There are a million guys out there that would love to be with you and want the same things that you do.
Although they are him ......... You will find someone that will make you happy.


Best of luck

Answer 5

My husband and i dated for 10 years and have lived together from day (1). When we got together, I told him what I wanted in my life and my life goals. I told him if he couldn't handle it then we couldn't be together. After 3 years, I started to get a bit anxious and had to have a talk. We basically broke up and on that same day he realized that we've been living together for 10 years and we were already married. We started sharing a bank account at the age of 19, we bought a car together. We bought animals and other material things together, that made it like we were sharing EVERYTHING! He came home that night of our only breaak up in 10 years and proposed. Both of you need to evaluate what it is you want in your life and then tell that to eachother. If you have a goal to be married in the next 2 years to get you started on carrying out your other life goals, then tell him so. If he can't deal, find someone else. You cannot wait for someone to find out whether or not he wants to be with you for the rest of his life. When my husband realized that what we had was a marriage without papers, he noticed that there were lots of our guy friends that were ready to be married and maybe to me since we've known all of our friends the same amount of years we've been dating, he knew he didn't want me to be with anyone else but him. So, have a life goals heart to heart. explain to him the things you want in life and have him do the same. If he still wants to be a "kid" then he's not ready anyway. good luck

Answer 6

Move on. 2 years is a long time not to "be sure" of marriage. Most people know right away. My husband asked me to go ring shopping after 1 month of dating, 3 months later he had proposed and I said yes. We've been married a year now. Previous to him, I was with one of my ex boyfriend's for almost 2 years - he wanted to marry me, but I wasn't ready and the reason was that I knew he wasn't the one for me. I think your boyfriend feels the exact same way.

Answer 7

Don't pressure him...that will just make him NOT want to be with you. The best thing you can do in this situation is wait it out. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. It doesn't mean that he doesnt want to ever marry you. Just enjoy being with him...it feels the same even after you are married, so don't sweat it! If you guys are having the marriage talk, then that tells me that it is on his mind and he wants to do it someday....so don't pressure him and let your relationship take its natural course!!

Answer 8

Getting married is a lifetime commitment. It's supposed to last forever until one you of dies. That's alot of responsibility and while some people take it lightly and jump right in, others don't. Sounds like your bf is someone who will take it seriously and treat it for what it is when he's ready.
Don't force the issue with him, because he sounds like the kind of guy anyone would want. Most girls are more ready to get married and have that sense of security than guys are, but the day he sees you walk down the aisle to him and you both say "I do" you'll know he means "I do" forever because he's had plenty of time and space to make this decision.

Answer 9

Maybe he is saving up for your future or a ring. Talk to him about how you feel about him pushing back the time frame from 2-3 months to next year.
At least he has came to the understanding of what it takes to be a husband and maybe he is trying to get himself together so that he can be a great husband to you. Good luck!

Answer 10

You are right when you say he's got what he wants and doesn't need to get married. You have given him the best of both worlds - married and single. Didn't you realize that would happen once you live with a guy?