Ok I have met the most incredible man but I am having trust issues big time, let me fill you in: molested as a child, mom passed away when i was 11, my father sent us away to live with people from church, note he didnt know these people, then they separated me and my twin, at 18 i moved back home only to be asked to leave cuz i wouldnt respect the man that molested me (my brother in law at the time).....now this guy in my life wants me to trust he wont hurt me. I have trust and abandoment issues but he is great and i dont want to lose him. He is patient & understanding and is aware of all of this............but he feels he deserves to be trusted at this point......HELP ME PLEASE !! be honest
2006-11-08 05:22:54 · 34 answers · asked by iluvluceee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Everyone deserves a first chance. If he hasn't given you any reason to not trust him then give him the chance to prove himself.
Not all us fella's are jerks. There are some pretty responsible& caring men out there .So if you think you've found one, take advantage of that. The best advice is to follow your heart. Let it be your guide. Your thoughts will only confuse you. You've obviously been through a lot so why put yourself through anymore. This could be your chance for a family of your own & a lifetime full of happiness. You will only get hurt if you allow yourself to be hurt again. Romance is an adventure. You ultimately decide how the story will end. Will it be a drama full of heartache & fear or a Fairytale full of answered dreams & eternal happiness? Based on that; the answer should be simple.
Go ahead my Dear give him a chance so that you have a chance.....
Good Luck.........
2006-11-08 05:48:18 · answer #1 · answered by Diablo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Healing takez time he can not force this upon you.See a counsellor or someone who can mediate between the two of you and your emotions so that they may be validated and progress can be made.Trust takes time espiaclly when a person is tainted.Don't invoke guilt nor push him away just breath and give and ask him for reassurance.A journey of 1000 miles starts with one step.By having a mediator you both can hear each other without frustration,miscommunication and have a more realist approach to your problem solving.He knows from the get go so he does have to suck it up a bit and really understand and support you with positive reassurance but know that not all men are the same nor are you in the same situation as you were in so as you also will be taking his strenght to empower yourself do the same for him.Understand and accept his feelings.If you two find respect for each other-garanteed that when all these emotions are behind you-youe relationship will be a damm solid one.peace.
2006-11-08 05:47:35 · answer #2 · answered by Shalimaar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want brutal honesty, you got it. First off I am sorry to hear you had a crappy childhood, however this is not baggage you need to carry with you for the rest of your life. I understand it may be hard to go on but if you do not learn to trust then you are going to be one very lonely person. The past is exactly that, the past. Leave it behind you and do not let it hinder your future. You need to wipe the slate clean and have yourself a new beginning. If you need help doing so then I suggest a therapist but it all boils down to you. You are the only one who can do it, no one can do it for you. If you do this and you get into a relationship and the trust is broken, well that's easy enough to remedy.....get that person out of your life and move on. It is after all, your life. Don't let the memory of other people run it!
2006-11-08 05:32:26 · answer #3 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes! I am so sorry you went through all that at such a young age. If your guy is truly understanding, he will work through this with you. Yes, you are probably going to struggle with trust issues for a long time but tell him to hang in there. Have you been to counseling to deal with everything? Maybe he would be willing to go with you and you guys can talk about it all with a professional who can give you help on dealing with the trust and abandonment issues. Above all, just remember that this guy loves you and you deserve a good person to take care of you. Good luck!
2006-11-08 05:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by wish2bwriter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand the debacle. You are afraid to put your heart out because you fear that he will break it and treat you like every other man in your life. Though he is respectful and kind and understanding, you have the fear that he is going to mistreat you becuase you feel that the chance is always there. Anyone can easily put a face on and pretend to be something that they arent. Sweetheart thats with anyone. You have to learn to take risks, although it may be difficult for you, if you are truly afraid of being accepting of this person then how are you going to live your life? You need to learn to move away from the past, I realize your emotional and physical trauma, but know that there are ppl out here in this world that are trying to welcome you back to life. If you shun him now then what are you going to do about the others that come along? Are you going to stay in the house and look out the window your entire life? Im sorry but reality of it is that we all need human interraction and if you cannot trust him, by taking this chance then it says to me that you will never be able to trust yourself. )0(
2006-11-08 05:31:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just answered you own question. You just gave the reasons why you're having a hard time trusting a person. And yes those reasons can definetly changed a persons view in the world. However, if you truely love this man and truely want to be happy, you have to changed your ways. Love is about trust and when you're not trusting a person, you're telling that person that that person you;'re not trusting is a bad human being. And example, do you trust theives? Do you trust politicians? Do you trust gangstas living in your neighborhood? To trust a person you have to earn their trust. If they did something to you that make you dont trust them, then it's ok. But if you dont trust a person just because of other people then you dont trust yourself. You will be the cheater and the back stabber and all that.
THe bottom line is this if you want me to be honest. You need to trust yourself in order to trust someone. The reasons you gave out are just excuses of not trusting a person. That guy who you said is "incredible" are not really incredible in your eyes because you dont trust him. How can you not trust an incredible person?
2006-11-08 05:30:50 · answer #6 · answered by epicwolf 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
WOW! I would suggest getting yourself RIGHT before trying to find Mr. Right. You wouldn't want to mess someone else up with your issues and your energy needs to spent on identifying issues and then working through them...it looks like you've done some work so far in at least becoming aware of what some of those isseus are, but do you have them nailed down? I always tell the teens I work with, "You need to BE the right one before you can FIND the right one."
On the other hand, if the man is enjoying your company for the real you (and not some underlying selfish motivation) and he can walk through the healing process for you, he is better than most guys...he is a candidate for a best friend...and THAT'S who you want to marry someday!
I hope things work out for you! :)
2006-11-08 05:29:10 · answer #7 · answered by KapnKaveman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you known this guy?!?! Plus do you really feel this is the man you are going to be with forever so you can give him your complete trust. You know not all men are completely the same but you got to have some trust at least a little
2006-11-08 05:25:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your issues are understandable, but this guy isn't the people that hurt you. He wants to love on you. You can't just tell a person to trust when they have such issues, so all you can do is ask the person (you) to try as hard as she can to trust and it'll work out for the better.
2006-11-08 05:27:34 · answer #9 · answered by jazzmetalbassist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He never said how much he wanted you to trust him. So you could start. Let go of what happened to you. Take things slow with him If everything you say is true then he sounds like a really nice person. An ounce of trust will make him happy. Stop being afraid.
2006-11-08 05:27:24 · answer #10 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋