How to show your authority without sounding bossy?

Question

Being a shy and an quiet person, most of the time I'm not being able to show my authority when needed. People take the advantage of it and sometimes cross boundaries, which makes me feel frustrated and angry, but still I don't express my feelings. If at all I have to communicate that moment, my anger and frustrations show in the communication (in other words, I sound little harsh/rude).
Please suggest me how to be effective in showing authority without sounding rude?Any reccommendation with book, dvd or website is most welcome.(serious answers please)

Answer 1

Communications experts will often tell you that it is not so much what you say that is communicated, but rather, how you say it; i.e. your tone of voice, your posture, the volume of your voice; your confidence level.
When people internalize anger and frustration until they suddenly "break" they are more apt to come off sounding hostile and aggressive. Rather than waiting until you become angry, deal with the matter in a calm, respectful and courteous manner when you see that something is going off the rails and you need to step in to redirect a course of action. Make certain you slow down, breathe deeply, and think clearly. Say only what you need to say. I suggest two good books:
"The One Minute Manager" and Roger Fisher's book, "Getting to Yes" Good Luck.

Answer 2

For you own sake, lighten up, did you know every time you get mad your blood pressure rises, that could cause all sorts of problems later in life. You should pick your little daily battles you can't get mad at everything, I think the best thing to do is remove yourself from the immediate area at once. Walk away for a minute and think about how that person just may not be as bright and you'll have to look over them.
Now, about the other people, if they are truly walking over you or just flat out using you, you look them in the eye(always look them in the eye) and calmly say, NO I don't think so or let me think about it, (this will give you time to calmly tell them no or you could always lie like they do, they will get the message sooner or later and you will gain much respect. But know matter where you go or what you do someone is always going to be like that. That's why you have to fix your self and your way of thinking. I had to do the same thing years ago!!!!!

Answer 3

Authority comes in the way you carry yourself and your facial expressions. Words don't always have to be spoken. But if they do then expressing to someone your in charge should always been done out of anger. Your the boss should always be evident from the 1st meet. But you also have to let the employee know you are there for them as well. Treat your employees the same. show no favoritism and treat them with respect. Because getting respect is from showing respect 95% of the time. Good Luck to You.

Answer 4

It is very hard to speak up for yourself after years of being shy and quiet. I know that because I was that way until I was around 25. But really there is no "magic" to it. Like any skill, all it takes is practice. The trick is to start practicing by saying what you need people to do *before* you get frustrated and angry. Practice with something small at first, something that is not that significant, but that you want someone to do. Practice saying what you need in a calm, neutral tone of voice, but say it in a matter of fact way. Do not sound like you are hesitating or questioning whether you should say it. I practiced doing this with small things at first, and gradually made my way up to bigger issues. It was really hard at first and my heart would pound like crazy. But now I can say to someone, "I need you to do this project in x way, not y way" and not feel like I have dropped some kind of bombshell.

A good book is "Your Perfect Right" by Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons

Answer 5

I like braennvin's answer the best so far. I recently read a book on how to be a good team player that had a great section on conflict resolution and how to best respond to various situations. The book is called Team Dynamics by Debra Housel. I added the link to the book below, but here is a summary of it:

"The Professional Development Series is designed to guide and teach professionals and individuals the social skills necessary to compete and succeed in today's global environment. Covering such topics as Team Dynamics, Leadership in Organizations, Career Planning and Networking and Business Etiquette and Protocol, these short, comprehensive books will provide the reader immediate "know-how" to feel comfortable in any type of professional situation. Available by themselves or in bundles, these will prove to be a must have for every business person.
Team Dynamics focuses on he essential elements of a team, how to become a good team player, barriers to successful teamwork, effective team meetings and the attributes of a good team leader."

Good luck!

Answer 6

there's a very good aspect contained in the first answer: Lead by party! My different ones might want to be: stay calm, not cool! On conflicts you should instruct your duty for artwork & crew - misunderstood coolness might want to elevate undesirable area-consequences. And: by no potential, extremely by no potential yell or shout to get issues done. it really is "bossy" in truth - like mum and dad that attempt to cover a lack of authority with a larger sound quantity. save the gap even for such workers who recognize you from the cases not being a pacesetter. In pleasant your artwork orders there must be no enormous difference in therapy between lengthy-yeared or new crew individuals. If one or extra refuse events you've directed to them, communicate with them in a closed workplace (4eyes assembly). Insubordination must be dealt with today. Ask for the issue and attempt to make sure why your order has been refused. Be well mannered and attracted to their opinion, yet also discuss now to not tolerate a lack of observe of and tell the consequences in a sparkling way. do not attempt to remedy authority complications in the front of a collection while not having some adventure and / or your managers direct help - doing mistakes there may reason extra authority complications. communicate with your manager to dedicate some directives you may take right away. it really is not a question of weak spot in administration - having no direct assist try to be able to act in time on authority complications. And - it really is an rather solid suggestion contained in the first answer - record complications for your manager and for very last consequences like firing someone connect to the record your suggestion in a sparkling and non-emotional speech naming provable clarification why. solid success!

Answer 7

The main thing is you want the job to be done without coming across as rude.
So when setting tasks, call whom ever it is you want to help on a task into your office.
Sit down over coffee or water, Explain to them what you need done and that there is a deadline.

You can set tasks without being demanding.. you can always check up on there progress by asking how they are going with the deadline.. (Blame that dreaded deadline) it dose work.

Sometimes a you can phrase some comments that can push the workers without sounding bossy. Phrasing it correctly.
1.Do you need any help with the project,
2.Do I need to assign someone to help you.
3.Can I help with any additional information?
4.Don’t take it back on yourself, just offer help.
Its working together.
If they fall behind be observant and see if there is anything that can help pick up there work. If they constantly fall behind.. then its time to point it out to them in private.

If they want to play the clown and put down everyone even you..
They are not team players they are team destroyers and need to be fired.
(yes warn first) you need to cover yourself with notices of warnings.

Answer 8

well i use my manners and be respectful it's ok to be tact but,no yelling follow your procedures write ups- day off no pay-what ever they might be. nothing wrong with please - thank you. bring them in the office w/ a witness and let them know where they are standing on their job,if need to be fired do it. other employees or associates will see you mean business and follow your instruction. if angry tell that person u want to see them in off. in 5 so you can cool down.if your a head runner go to your superior to handle it.no 1 will pay your bills but you. jobs are hard to get sometimes.

Answer 9

Stand up straight, dress for authority (no shorts or flip flops) say only what's on your mind, DO NOT APOLOGISE, speak firmly, not necessarily loudly and take action afterwards. Actions speak volumes! Good luck

Answer 10

Just demand that people treat you respect. There's nothing wrong about that. If people refuse to treat you with respect than have nothing to do with them. Soon or later they will get the point.