for the ladies.....?

Question

when your bf/husband is drinking and ya get in an argument for something silly has he ever said some things that hurt you? and after the fact when he is sober acts like nothing happen. do you really take what he said to heart and believe it. (exp: this relationship isnt going to work out.) what would you think?

Answer 1

Hasnt happened to me, BUT I always believed in the "a drunk mans words are a sober man thoughts"

Answer 2

Hi Luv! I can only understand too well your situation!

Men will be boys or whatever... Men often don't (or can't) open up to their true feelings. I myself keep forgetting my hubby is a male (well duh!) and therefore doesn't particularly talk at length about things which don't particularly excite him, such as emotional reactions and how it affects our relationship.

Although he does have a drink every once in a while, he is usually more calm, more mellow when under the influence of alcohol than when he is sober, so we (next to) never argue when he's had a drink.

However, we still argue about the most mundane of things to this day. He sometimes will react by automation to my own arguments and he'll react by saying things that he knows will hurt me, emotionally. I should point out he's working on that now, so it has been a while since he has hurt my feelings.

The problem he has (and like most males) is that he thinks that if we don't talk about it, then the problem will just go away. That's such a modern male misconception, isn't it? By experience I know that if a couple doesn't deal with their problems as they appear, they won't go away if ignored, but in fact come back later with a vengeance!

Another problem my hubby has is when we argue about anything at all, he never apologizes, even if he does or says something wrong or hurtful. It is as if he thinks everything he says is justified by being said during the argument, and therefore should need explanation or justification outside the argument, do you get it? Well he has hurt my feelings on more than one occasion, more often than not refusing to apologize to me until I squeezed it out of him because he's so stuborn that way.

But like I said, it's a guy thing... I keep forgetting this because I've been with my hubby for so long I keep expecting him to act or be something different than a typical male!

If your man takes advantage of you in any way (even when drunk) then those are signs of mental abuse. If he refuses to acknowledge the things he said (during the argument) after he sobers up, then he has serious trust issues that need to be dealt with .... Or you may need to venture off in another direction (i.e. break up with him) because patterns of abuse, any type of abuse, are hard to break.

Don't misunderstand me, but I know by experience that abusers who refuse to seek help or try to change their destructive mental patterns will never lead to a healthy relationship. I say you should break up with him if he refuses to deal with the troubles / problems at hand, because that means he's try to "escape" any situation which doesn't "fly" with him, leaving you to pick up the pieces... Talk to him when he's sober and tell him how he hurts your feelings during drunken arguments...

But then again, alcohol very rarely makes men more rational or calm.... Quite the opposite in fact!

Answer 3

Sorry. I'm a man but had to answer this one. I'm 32 but when I was in my early 20's, I used to drink heavily and argue with my g/f. I would say the meanest things just to hurt her feelings. I didn't mean it & didn't really think what I was saying but it was the alcohol talking. I regret hurting her and don't believe anyone should be treated that way. If he's not willing to give up the alcohol you need to move on and save yourself a lot of heartache. It will take it's toll on you. BTW.....I don't drink anymore and am a much better person because of it.

Answer 4

If you know the relationship is not going to work, then why even care? I say move on and let you feeling be hurt by someone you love. Things happen in relationships that are real. So if you know this isn't real, why waste you time? Also, when you drink and argue, things are always said to each other that hurts, and not remeber all what you said the night before is normal, nut like I said why care if you know it isn't going anywhere?

Answer 5

whne people are drunk they often say things they feel. Doens't necessarily mean me meant what he told you but sounds like he told you what he said to piss you off. DOn't take it to the heart- ignore it but let him know he really hurt your feelings. Just next time he says sutff like that toy ou don't get pissed make him elaborate on why he thinks it'snot gonna work or whatvern.. you can really get the truth out of people when they are drunk. Other than that- ignore him and if he tells you he doesn't remember- that's jsut BS people know what they are doing when they are drunk and try to use that excuse when they are sober. "I was drunk what can i say" my dad sexually harassaed me why drunk and tried that bull when i told the family what he had done and people are sutpid enough to take his excuse. All i'm saying is be cautios- he dind;t jsut tel you this for no reason. Keep yuor guard on kux it might be another person that he's invoved with tha is causing him to feel like he doens't want to be with you.

Answer 6

Well, you have your answer, if you think the relationship isnt going to work, then it wont. As for taking everything to heart when he is drinking, that is entirely up to you. Depending on the man, is what he is going to remember....is he diabetic, can he handle his alcohol, does he black out, and why is he not remembering what he said to you.

You may want to ask him these things, and ask him to get help, and then you can either support him or get out.

and yes, I have been there, a b/f from long ago was a cronic drinker, diabetic and never remembered what he did....and one time he had me bent backwards over the stove (he decided he wanted to get hands on and wouldnt let me move)WHILE I was cooking....I could of been seriously hurt...and he didnt believe me when I told him what happened....hence....b/f from long ago.

be careful.

Answer 7

My belief is that when people are inebriated, what they say is often what they feel deep down inside...however, some of it is also just mindless drivel and is without substance...some people are 'mean drunks' and will say hurtful things...

If something said is troubling you, then ask about it. If you don't have good communication, then it's quite likely that the relationship isn't going to work out (for long)...

Answer 8

I hate when that happens. But how I see it is that when someone is drunk and they say things, it's usually how they really feel deep down but they just can't bring themselves to say it when they're sober, for whatever reasons they have. I think that you need to have a talk with him while he's sober and work things out.

Answer 9

I would take it somewhat seriously because alcohol can make people say what they really think or feel. If he is acting like nothing happened, he has a drinking problem and he needs to stop.

Answer 10

I am a lad, and if there is a problem in your relationship you need to sort it out. Your bf was probably drunk at the time he said what he did, but there may be sone partial thruth to what he said. You need to have a conversation with him about what is wrong, so you can repair your relationship. good luck!