How do you stop a child from Lying and Steeling?

Question

My 8 yr old nephew is steeling from other kids in after care & then lying about it (among other things he lies about). We've tried spanking, "steeling" everything from him till there is only his bed and dresser in his room, & now writing sentences. Nothing seems to phase him. He is a great child besides that; very respectful when u speak 2 him & caring with his 2 younger brothers. He lives with his father & (soon to be) step mother that he calls mommy (of his own choice). His biological mother is not in the picture and has not been for quite some time. He was having problems in school the first few years (lying and acting out), but this year he is extreamly good in school and home, but not in after care where he has tried to steel other kids' things. After care has separated his cubby from everyone else's to make sure he is not steeling things, but this has no effect either. Now, a few of the parents are not allowing their kids to play w/ him anymore, still w/ no effect. Please advise

Answer 1

where do you think that he learned these things?

Answer 2

stealing is a very difficult habit to break, it is so tempting and so easy when the person becomes good at it. What stops most people is a traumatic experience like being put in jail or in the back seat of a police car. Why don't you set up something with a police man when you find out he has stolen something. Just ask an officer to do you a favor and put him in the back of his car and take him to the precinct and then have a talk with him there and tell him he'll let him go but the incident is on his record and if he ever does it again he will go to jail. If he stops and is a good boy it will eventually come off his record. If he continues he will steal from stores and he will definetly be caught for real and that would be bad. So if you can prevent that than do what you can to prevent it.

Answer 3

See...these are some really good answers but, the parts that suggest counseling are useless.


Now days, everyone wants to pay someone else to solve their problems. There is nothing wrong with getting a mediator, but to just go to a counselor, as often as grocery shopping? Thats crazy! Especially for your kids.

Okay, the lying is a trick one, I'll admit that I myself was a liar and I couldn't always explain why I'd done it. Sometimes I was afraid that my mom would be mad so I'd lie, other times, I'd lie and couldn't figure a reason for it, sometimes, I'd lie without thinking about it and then be to scared to correct myself...Children lie for different reasons. You need to analayze each case and see if you cant find a pattern, then try to intervene. Dont let up on spanking, but dont send him to counseling, his father needs to talk to him hisself.

There is'nt a question that a counselor can ask that a parent cant, remember that.
I've had a hand in raising eight kids, so I have witnessed childrearing at its best and worst several hundred times.

My parents kids each have there own faults and only two were heavy liars. I was one of them. None of us are theives. I dont now what sparks the stealing but that needs to be nipped in the bud. NOW.

Make him go to the person, return the item, and apologize. EVERYTIME that he steals. If that doesn't work then make him spend his moeny paying for what he stole. after HE RETURNS IT.

On his birthday, let him have a party, but have him hand out small gifts to his guest instead of receiving them. Take his stuff and keep it, make him earn it back. DONT STOP SPANK. The key to spanking is finding a medium. Not to much, not to little. NEVER TOO MUCH.

Answer 4

I would talk to him and let him know that if he continues he will not have friends. Ask him how he would feel if he had a friend steal from him? I have a friend who was married to a man that had 2 children that were doing this. They tried everything and never got the problem solved. The parents finally told the children well when you get in prison from stealing we may or we may not come visit you. Sometimes that will make them think. In their case it didn't . So they are just waiting now for the day that the teens are incarcerated. I know that sounds aweful. But stealing is a way of life for some children and noone can stop it unfortunately.

Answer 5

Spanking is only a part of the answer to the problem, but make sure not to cross the line doing that. Next you have to ground him from things that he really likes to do. You also need to understand that part of the problem is the mother and soon to be step mother. He really is acting out because of the lost love from his bio mom, and the replacement (step) mom is not what he really wants. He may be respectful, but he is doing this for a reason. A child pshycologist might have some helpful answers for the child as well.

Answer 6

I am not saying that this is the best idea but let him spend a half day at your local police station let the cops know what is going on and leave him in the call to show him that in the real world that this is what happens to people that do these things. Also I know that when I do things wrong I do it for the attention. So does he only get yelled at when he does something wrong because if so you should start recognizing the things he does right and reward him for what he has done right.

Answer 7

My older sister had the same situation of her 11 y/o daughter shoplifting and lying about it. She tried everything to keep "Susie" in line to no avail. Finally she called the local police dept who mock arrested "Susie" Susie is now 17 with no ill effects; I do believe that she still believes she has a "record"
My brother was stealing from his teaching in Kindergarten, a tour of the local jail cured him of this habit real quick!!!
This may sound harsh but I would rather my child be "mock arrested" instead of going to prison!!! He probably is old enough to see what happens if he doesn't stop the "habit."

Answer 8

Take him to after care and when you get there, tell his care givers to keep him away from the other kids. Tell them to make him sit at a table by himself (or wherever) and don't let him play with the other children. Most likely, the other children will be coming up to him saying "Why are you sitting there?" and he'll have to say "Because I'm being punished" and that will most likely be embarrassing for him. He will be embarrassed that he can't play and he'll stop stealing/lying because last time he did that it embarrassed him in front of his friends.

Answer 9

OK, so his mom is not in the picture(and a step-mom doesn't count) so he's looking for attention. and then when he steals he gets attention. If I got rewarded for stealing I guess I would too.

If he doesn't get ample attention for good things then he will seek out attention through other measures. I would suggest other things as well but if he's in after care then he obviously isn't paid attention as much as that almighty dollar. that's gotta suck to be him.

BTW, a step-mom counts for a lot but not a mother. sorry.

Answer 10

Go down to your local policing station, tell them a little about your situation and ask them to stop by your house for a " visit". Make sure your nephew is there and make sure he sees you talking with the cop. When the cop leaves, tell the kid he was there about him and his behaivour. Scare Tactics!!!! Something along that line worked for my sisters 9 year old son who was stealing from school.
Good Luck to ya!

Answer 11

Obviously short of taping his mouth shut and tying him up, punishment isn't the answer. How are his grades, perhaps he has a type of learning or social disorder that prevents him from grasping the concept? What sets him off at aftercare? It could be he needs attention, wants to be noticed and subconsciously thrives on the attention he gets from his misbehavior?