My mom is upset with me and doesn't want anything to do with my wedding plans. What do I do?

Question

I am in my 30's & live with my Mom. My fiance is white & I am East Indian. I lived on my own for a long time & even moved out of state & moved back with Mom because dad was sick & dying. She always treated me like a kid. Yesterday she got upset with me & said she is not my mother & she doesn't want any part of my wedding. My sis who lives out of state always causes problems in the family. She hates my fiance. She lied to me about mom. She said Mom said I'm using marriage prep as an excuse on not attending my relative parties. They have parties almost every weekends & the parties end after midnight.. Mom wanted my wedding the way she wanted & my fiance & I didn't like that. My fiance, my Mom & I were planning on traveling out of state to buy my Wedding sari & bridesmaids sarees. She's supose to help me pick the right saree since she's worn saree's alot. But now she doesn't want to go. I got upset & told her I should cancel the wedding but I didn't tell anything to my fiance. I'm sad

Answer 1

ok, so mum is being manipulative as all get out!
this is your day, your wedding, your life. get on with it! i speak from experience. my mother pulled the same crap - do it my way or else! well i gave in to her a lot and almost lost my fiance, [now husband], over it all. thank god i woke up and stood up to her.
as calmly as you can reassure her she will always have a place in your life, and you want her to be part of your life, but it is your life.
tell her you want her at the wedding but will respect her decision if she chooses not to come.
and tell your sister the same thing. don't let them turn it into a discussion - you are telling them how its going to be and then stick with it.
good luck kiddo, stay strong and marry your man the way you want to do it. its your day, your life, your happiness - your family needs to realize that.

Answer 2

No your no longer be obdurate in any respect. that's basically very perplexing once you envision your entire wedding ceremony a particular way and issues do not ensue for some reason or yet another. Why did your mom say it develop into too a lot for her? Are you asking for plenty or you in hardship-free words asking to apply the land they have? attempt sitting down including your mom back and clarify that that's what you've been dreaming of and the rationalization your so disenchanted about the entire aspect is that she broke your dream. If she nonetheless says that you won't be able to have it there then look into some different person's backyard. possibly a chum or relative. i'm particular someone might want to like which could assist you out. do not rigidity that's going to take some artwork yet i'm particular that's going to all come jointly basically fantastically.

Answer 3

You cant change your Mother's behaviour you can only change yours. This is a classic power play....do what I want or I wont be involved. Well, thats her choice. Dont buy into it even though I know it hurts you. Just go along and plan your wedding. Ask her for advise but if its not forthcoming dont fret over it....just do the best you can. She is trying to control you and your fiance. If you let her she will do the same thing forever. Maybe there is another older woman who can help pick out the saris? You need to sit down with your mother and ask her once more if she wants to be involved in your wedding. Tell her that this hurts you and you would very much like her to be there and be involved but it's your and your fiances wedding and you both will have it as you like it. If she still refuses then there is little you can do but involve other people. I hope your day is lovely and your marriage everything you hope it will be.

Answer 4

Tradition is very important for Indian Girls Western People
like us dont understand this.It is very hard for you to break away
from this, The Momma is always right. You are an individual and
you have youre own rights to do what you wish with youre life.
Of course if you do you own thing the Family might ostracise
you Ignore you completly.I say you are a big Girl now and
Mistress of youre own Destiny go ahead and marry this Chap if this is what you want providing he is alright.If he is a good decent
person and will look after you then yes Marry him. Make sure
you keep youre Friends Both Indian and White to advise you
and pick you up if all goes wrong.The Best of Luck,My Regards
to you on youre wedding

Answer 5

You're an adult. Don't allow her to continue to treat you like a kid. Continue with your wedding plans the way you wish to. It's YOUR wedding. NOT HERS. No matter who is paying for it. If she doesn't want to be apart of it. Fine. Do what you have to do. She is being selfish and immature. And, eventually she will wish she hadn't acted this way because she will miss out on the most important day in her daughter's life!! But you should definitely tell your fiance. He will help you through this. That's what he's there for. You need to show your mother that you are an adult now, you are in control of your life, and of your wedding, and that she is not going to ruin that! Good luck to you both and congratulations!!

Answer 6

Don't let your mother ruin your special day! Continue to plan as you have and go shopping without her. Where every you planned on buying your Saree's will be able to help you pick out what you need. She is probably upset that she is "loosing" you and is conveying it all wrong. You have to live your life for you and your future.

Send her invitation just as you would anyone else. She can either step up and support you or she can stay home. That has to be up to her.

Congrats on your upcoming nuptials and good luck!

Answer 7

You have to realize that emotions run VERY high with everyone when a wedding occurs.
And to your mother, you will always be her little girl. She realizes you have grown up and are about to leave her., shanging your relationship forever. When you are a mother, you will better understand. The fact that this is a culturally mixed wedding probably doesn't help, either.

Sit her down & try 'talking' with her about how she feels; and how you feel and see if you can come to some sort of resolution.

Answer 8

Baby marry that and don't call nothing off because of your family if they don't support you well it's going to be their lost. My family didn't come to my wedding and guess what I'm still happy with my husband and my family today! Sometimes we have to make decision for our own good and not for everybody elses!

Answer 9

Forget your mom... Do what you need to do to have a nice wedding. You're a big boy, you and your fiancé can handle it on your own. Your mom should be invited and welcome, but she doesn't have to participate in the planning or preparations. This is what the maid of honor and the best man are for.

Answer 10

Wow for gods sake your in your 30's, your an adult. Adults don't do everything alike, if you give in to your mom she will be controlling you your whole life. Explane to mom this is the way it is, if you want a part of future grandchildren you have to accept this.