Compromise or Not ???

Question

What would you do if you don't believe living in together before marriage, and your partner wants to live together before marriage. He does wants to get engaged after move in together.
I personally feel this is something one cannot compromise, it's about different values and expectations. I should leave this relationship behind...
Your opinion are welcome!!

This's a relationship that's been more than 4yrs. We're at the point we need to move forward or leave it behind. So his suggestion is to move in together. I'm very disappointed because from day 1 we started dating I'd told him that live in before marriage is not an option to me.

Answer 1

Not. You two are never going to agree, and moving in together isn't going to change that; it's just going to prolong the agony until one of you wises up and moves out. Thank God you figured this to be an all or nothing proposition before you went and made the mistake of marrying one another!

Answer 2

You know sweetie I like how you believe in yourself and stick to your values. Now I think you should sit him down again and talk to him, let him know how you feel about this and make sure to outline to him your beliefs and tell him if he can't accept what you stand for then the relationship isn't going to prosper. Or maybe you both could compromise and come to one decision. You could tell him or you could both agree that you stay there three nights or so and you both will get a feel of what to expect living together. On the other hand if you live in your own apartment then he can drop by sometimes to sleep over. That is a done deal. By the ways i almost forgot to say that if he can't get engaged to you before moving in i don't see the purpose of the engagement. What is the problem there? I pesonally thinks he is or has developed a lack of trust. Finally stick to what you beleive and if you going to compromise make sure you are comfortable with the decision . Bye.

Answer 3

I would stand my ground. The fact that you both have such diametrically opposed views about living, or nor living together before marriage is an indicator that you will most likely not see eye to eye on other important life issues. Personally, I don't believe in playing house without a commitment to the relationship. And like you for me it would have to be a legal commitment. When a couple makes the decision to wed they are not only planning a future together but by taking the vows the commitment is a little more cemented. Which makes it harder to just walk away if conflicts arise etc. If, as you have stated you realize you both have different values & expectations this conflict may be the one that is unfolding for you to realize you both may love each other but it's not such a great fit for happily ever after. We all know there is no happily ever after but the couples who share coomon values and beliefs have relationship that last longer because they can be friends can they respect the same values and can share the same dreams.

Answer 4

I would have to break up with him if he doesn't respect my beliefs and values. What else will he make you compromise on in the future. Its not worth messing up your conscience simply b/c he wants to have the benefits of marriage without getting married. He says he'll get engaged, but what guarantee do you have? I personally wouldn't move in together and explain to him that if he can't understand where I'm coming from then he needs to go.

Answer 5

I agree with "freal_w." Don't let anyone change your mind without a valid reason.

On the other hand, "You don't know someone until you live with them."

The best compromise is, "Agree to Disagree" and go about your relationship. If living together is the definition of good relationship, how many times has this person done that?

Answer 6

Don't let anyone tell you what you should believe. Compromising your personal principles is usually a bad idea. Besides, it is indicative of widely differing values that should put up a red flag warning of troubles for a marriage. Sounds like you should pull out before it's too late.

Answer 7

I believe that if he loves you, and obviously has intentions of marrying you, then he should be willing to understand your beliefs and morals about not living together. Let him know, that this is how you feel and there is no going around it. Unless, you are willing to compromise. A good compromise would be to maybe spend a couple nights a week at his place, or yours. You DON'T have to move in together right this second. You have your whole lives together. Don't rush into anything.

Answer 8

I personally wouldnt marry someone that I haven't lived with first. Living with someone is THE way to find out how they really are and if you can stand each other enough to even marry. I am assuming that you aren't having sex with him because why not live with him if so? You should compromise.

Answer 9

Dont compromise..!!
Because relations makes no compromisez.

You will get something more than your expectation, Love is not like sleeping with each other, if he is yours he will accept you. And you have got such sacred religeous thought.
May CREATER show all of Us the Right Way..!!

sIncrerely;
[ r.Ahmad ]

Answer 10

your opinion tells me that you don't want to be in the relationship to begin with one thing that is the most important to a relationship is sacrifice and compromise. it is a two way street and as in every day life we are accountable for our own actions and need to take the stand in being responsible for them.