You have a baby with a man.....he cheats..you kick him out......he moves in with the mistress.....and now they (the man AND the mistress) want to spend time with the baby that you carried for 9 months....had by yourself because he was laid up with her......stay up with at night, alone.....and do all the other things that come with being a mother.
He has been given the option to spend time with the mother and the baby, like going to museums, parks, play groups, etc. The parents are not interested in being together and could get along for the sake of raising the baby. But.......HE doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby if the mother is involved. And insists that the mistress should be able to spend time with the baby too. She has even called the mother to express her feelings on the matter, mind you she has no children.
Is it wrong to keep the baby away becuz of her? Is it petty? Or is it outright disrespectful on his part?
All opinions welcome!!!!!!
2006-11-08 03:40:27 · 27 answers · asked by Perfect 78 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just some things to keep in mind......
1. The baby is 7 mnths old.
2. The father is depending on the mistress to care for the baby.
3. Again, the mistress has no children and she has demonstrated violence toward the father in front of his other older children(12 & 10, diff. mother), has abandoned his other children to spite him and has expressed ill feelings toward the infants mother.
2006-11-08 03:44:34 · update #1
O.K.
The father has given money for things in the past, like the crib and milk and whatever, but he refuses to pay an agreed upon amount of money every month. He says that it will interfere with him helping her pay for the BMW that she bought him, so he can only give what he can give, he claims that he has to "maintain his lifestyle"(his words, not mine) How's that????
Don't get me wrong he has seen the baby and has spent time with the baby before (not with her) but with his family, but now becuz of issues between the mistress and the mother, he has used his influence to turn his family against the mother.
His side of the story is that, the mother is "not the kind of girl for him", he feels that he has done nothing wrong and he should be allowed to make all decisions, and if things don't go his way he is not happy.
He has not given any money for the baby in almost 3 months and has seen the baby maybe 3 times within that time period.
2006-11-08 04:44:56 · update #2
time to go to court for a custody hearing. get child support taken out of his wages. if this mistress is going to be a part of his life there is little way to prevent her from being around the child. for the sake of the child let the child see the father. i would go to court to get the custody settled and child support
2006-11-09 05:10:05 · answer #1 · answered by Jenn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter if the other woman has children or not or what happened in the past. The relationship between the mother and father is over. The father has a right to his child and the child to its father but the "mistress" does not. If the mother feels it isn't a good environment for the child,morally or whatever, then it isn't petty to keep the "mistress"away from the child.The father can have visitation somewhere else that is more suitable.If the father does not want the mother tagging along on his visitation time that's understandable.They conflict with each other. Get a third party and have the father pick the child up there. One thing though,you didn't say if the parents are married or if the father pays child support .
2006-11-08 12:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by cybefree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a little complicated because I can definitely see where he wronged you. The mistress has no class and just know that he will be cheating on her in no time.
As far as the baby, he is the dad and though he was a crappy mate to you he may not be a crappy father. Don't let your pride stand in the way of him being a father. Let him spend time with the baby, believe me when I say, the novelty will wear off. Everyone wants to spend time with the baby b/c it's a new concept.
Give it time, if he's a dead beat, he'll disappear as soon as he has to spend some money or invest some real time. If he is serious about being a dad, then let him be.
The best revenge you can get is to move on with your life, find a mate that loves you and rub your happiness is his selfish, stupid little face!!!!
Remember, if he really wanted to be nasty, he could take you to court for partial legal and physical custody and that can be really expensive and time consuming as well as emotionally draining.
Think about it and weigh your options. Is keeping the baby away from him going to cause the baby any physical or emotional harm? If the answer is no, let him show you his true intentions. If he proves to be a Jack$$, then to hell with him!!!
Good Luck
2006-11-08 11:56:00 · answer #3 · answered by Wife~and~Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a similiar situation, eventually it worked out.
The mistress is not my daughters step-mother. However, it was not all peaches in cream. And, has caused a lot of mental anguish in the past. Trust me when I say this avoid the fighting, it will be better for you and your child in the outcome. I understand the raging feelings you have inside, you want to do everything to spite him. First things first, AND I CAN NOT STRESS THIS, ESTABLISH CUSTODY. Hire a lawyer or a free public defender if you do not have available funds. You can request (Temporary full custody) and stipulate to your lawyer that the women that he is with has expressed violent tendecies and you fear that you would be putting your childe in a hostile enviroment. Again, I do not know your full situation how much of it is being left out etc. But legally you are entitled tempory full custody until he goes through the legal system, he as a father has the right to see his child. However, if he is doing it to upset you and truly has not interest in the child this is something you have to determine as well as prove. You also have the right to collect child support from him and my advise is DO IT!!!!! DO IT!!!!!, I am 5 1/2 years later finally doing it, don't delay like I did it is harder to prove and fight in court. Do, wait to ever take to court etc..because you have false hopes that he will come to his senses and you will become one happy family. Two reasons he may do that, but what would convince you that he is at all worth it when he wasn't there for you for the most struggling times. If he did it once 50/50 chance he will do it again. Hopefully this will clear up some thoughts, but be legal about it, and keep in mind everything you do negative now will be a direct hit to your child, the child is 7 months, but believe me they do pick up on things. TRUST ME.
If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail. Good luck!
2006-11-08 11:54:17 · answer #4 · answered by pattiof 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..the mistress should have no part in the baby's life. If she had any respect for you or your child, she wouldn't have had a relationship with your "boyfriend." And the father needs to grow up. He should have enough respect for the mother, since he already cheated and was an inconsiderate prick, to spend time with the baby and mother and without the mistress. He should act somewhat like a family for the baby's sake.
Good luck to you...
2006-11-08 11:48:20 · answer #5 · answered by Yeah it's me................ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The mother always has to make the decision that is best for the child. You have to ask yourself questions like Does this endanger my child? Will it have a traumatic influence in my child's life? Are the mistress and the father long term or just a passing thing? If they are going to be together for the long haul, ya'll may want to work something out so that you and him both get to influence the child's life. The mistress has no rights here!
Good luck and I hope the child gets the best of both parents!
2006-11-08 11:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
DAD should bond with the baby - not the mistress. I would feel like the mistress is taking on more of a role than he would- so the baby is naturally going to bond with her more than the DAD. I would be HIGHLY uncomfortable with that situation.
It will boil down to jealousy in court though unless you can PROVE a DANGER to the child. If she is well meaning and an overall nice person, no judge will grant that she stay out of the picture.
2006-11-08 11:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very complicated. Unfortunately for you, the father does have a right to see his baby...fair or not. If you think this other woman is a potential danger to your child take it to court and see if you can get only supervised visitation for the father. The other woman has no rights in this. The best thing to do is go to family court and get it worked out by a Judge instead of dealing with these 2 on your own. Get all of your facts together and seek legal help to ensure your rights & the childs rights are protected.
2006-11-08 11:49:20 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand how hard it is to be a single mom and the commitment it takes to be a good mother. Unfortunately, the baby's daddy is a dog, but he still has legal rights to see his child. He also has moved on with his life with this other woman. Do you have any reason to believe that their home life would be dangerous for your child? If so, I would go to court to get supervised visitation. I would also make sure there is a child support order in effect. It also sounds like you are trying to hold on to him to a certain extent. You don't have to be present when he visits the child and if his new woman is not a danger to your child, you probably don't have a legal right to say that your child can't be around her. I'm sorry for your situation, but unfortunately, the law may be on his side.
2006-11-08 11:54:26 · answer #9 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the baby's daddy should be allowed to spend time with the baby but his mistress diffinitely needs to stay out of it and tell him if he really wants to see the baby to get a real job and learn how to be a man.
2006-11-08 11:52:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋