how to decide...?

Question

how do you decide between making your mom and family happy or making yourself happy? the thing is my mom isnt a racist or anything she just doesnt want me to date a guy of another race because she doesnt want me to go through allthe troubles that my grandmothr went through with her husband being black and her white. but i really love this guy i would do anything for him, but my mom doesnt allow me to talk to him because he is black. he makes me happy and i have fun with him but she doesnt see that all she sees is that hes black. she knows how i feel about him but she doesnt want us to be together.wat do i do.

Answer 1

I don't know how old you are but..........You should always make yourself happy first..........If he is a nice man and treats you right........Your mom will come around sooner or later.......And you are not going to have as BAD of a time as your grandmother.........I'm not saying it will be easy.just that times have changes some and it is more acceptable now than it use to be.........IF you love him.......GO FOR IT!! and be HAPPY!

Answer 2

Honey, a lot has changed since your grandparents time. You should ask your mother's permission to have him over some time or have you all go out. She should get to know him personally and then maybe she won't have such a hard time with it. People seem to be more understanding of interracial dating now a days, but maybe you live in a small town of ignorant people? If your mom would give him a chance, maybe she too could be in your corner fighting off any negative remarks anyone else would have to say. I mean, it's not like you're getting married. Stick with him and maybe she'll see, that you're in love and he's not going anywhere for the time being. Tell her not to forbid your relationship or it will some day come back and bite her. The more she says no, the more you'll want to stay with him, huh? One day, you won't be living with her and then what will she do? Good luck girl! BTW, I am asian american and my husband is white. Thank god we never had problems with nosy family!

Answer 3

Here's how I would look at the situation, if you were my daughter.

To begin with, if we're talking about a black guy who calls women "HO's", doesn't know how to pull his pants up, smokes blunts, and wants to sell drugs, forget it. On the other hand, if it's a black guy who wants to go to college, and become an architect, that's a whole different story.

If you are white, chances are, racism is a problem you read about in the newspaper. If you're dating a black man, it's going to be a part of your daily experience. If you have children by a black man, they will probably be considered black as well, and you will have to deal with the racism that is directed at them.

I think this is something you need to be aware of, but if he's such a great guy that you're willing to go through all that to be with him, go for it.

If, as I suspect, you are a teenager, still living with your mother, she is going to make the rules. What I think of those rules is irrelevant, but I do think she is being short sighted.

Once you are on your own, if you're dating a black man, and she tries to interfere, I think you should simply tell her that it is none of her business.

If you were to go so far as to marry a black man, even if she initially resists the idea, I suspect she will end up accepting him, assuming he is a decent man, and assuming your relationship with your mother isn't a lot worse than you have indicated.

I do have one more piece of advice for you, and I hope you are paying attention. Do not date anyone, just to spite your mother. That is about as sure a way to get into an unhappy marriage as any I know. Also, do not get pregnant, until you are married.

Answer 4

First of all, you need to expain to your mother that this is a new age of civilization, where races are not as important. Your grandmother had a hard time because she was dating during the 50s and 60s, when racism was a huge thing.

2nd of all, if you really love this guy then what does it matter what your mother thinks?

Answer 5

rewrite your question & state what grandma went through. it will help us understand if your mom is racist or not. also don't get pregnant. i am black and these men seem to be stereotyped to father alot of kids. even though white boys do it we are pointed out more than any other race. dont be a fool. listen to your mom. trust me. they can see shittt we dont see. she might have a good reason to be racist.

Answer 6

As I comprehend your question it somewhat is: How is it available to % to no longer have faith? Isnt that the comparable as identifying to no longer settle on, without identifying? An sensible guy or woman can concurrently carry 2 mutually unique ideas of their suggestions on the comparable time. only on account which you carry something on your suggestions does no longer characterize a determination to stick, and perceive your self with that concept, and take care of that concept as an extension of your self. protecting a psychological thought isn't the comparable as an emotional dedication. you could think of approximately being in love with 2 females without easily being in love with the two. you could prefer you have been in love with somebody, yet no longer be able to make your self love them. a intense existence-long religious determination is part of the top AND of the coronary heart. you additionally could make a determination head, coronary heart, the two yet no longer neither. Your coronary heart can have faith while your head doesnt... you're in for particularly some guilt after the fact of your strikes. Your head can have faith while your coronary heart doesnt wherein case you're in for some superficiality, contrivance, and unhappiness, or you could have faith with the two your head and coronary heart... wherein case you additionally must desire that fact and faith coincide. while they dont theres unhappiness, and while they do there is a few shape and meaning to existence. Its ok in case you dont % existence to have meaning in case you do no longer have faith. no longer being believed has in no way stopped the fact from being genuine, only from being acted upon.

Answer 7

for one if your grandmother was with a black man that mean your mother is bi-racial right.....so are you....so how can dating a black man be dating out of your race. That is your race!!! regardless if your father was a white man it does not change what your mother race is or yours.

Answer 8

It is important to try to keep your family happy, but in the end, you need to think about you. One day, many years from now, it will be just you. You alone, on your death bed. Will you be happy with what you did with your life? Believe me, you wont' be worrying about if you made everyone happy. You will be worrying about if you made yourself happy. You need to do what you need to do for yourself. Be polite about it, but this life is yours alone.

Answer 9

it goes way beyond race. it's not the color. it's the sad reputation. prove to her that he is not some loser in a gang and actually wants a life.

Answer 10

maybe if he comes to her place more she will learn to love him and respect your relationship. when we are used to someone, we see only his inside. i don't know what problems u will be involved in if he is black. maybe old people have their own ideas about life...