help! i hate my mothers bf. it's such a problem... what do i do?

Question

help! i hate my mothers bf. it's such a problem... what do i do? i try to be nice to him for my mothers sake... cos she seems to like him and its her first relationship in 15 years... but i really cant stand him. he likes making me mad or irritating me cos he likes getting a responce from me, but it just makes me hate him more. i have spoken to my mother about this and i think she spoke to him. I let them know that i am not terribly fond of him, so he backed off a bit, but that drove a wedge between my mother and i. She and I used to have a good relationship. Now she barely speaks to me. aside from all that... wshe is starting to neglect my younger sister too. She has spent maybe.. one full day at home over the past 9 weekends. she leaves early for work, gets home late and goes straight to her rom to work. i hardly know her and we hardly speaks to me anymore. But her relationship with my sister (who doesnt dislike him too much) seems to be normal. I dont know what to do anymore. help!

Answer 1

Wow, this could actually be a hard question to answer, you can't even believe the newness of the relationship; because it seems like it is in the more established phaze. Perhaps, you can talk to a close girlfriend of your mother's and tell her what is going on and how you are feeling. Maybe having someone else point it out to your mom may make her raise her eyebrows a little bit, maybe someone else observing the situation can back you up on your feelings, and your mom will not be lead to believe that it is a jealousy issue between you and her boyfriend. Being a single mom and dating, I have always believed my daughter comes first. But sometimes men have the ability to cloud our clear thinking and all it takes is someone out side the circle to point it out to us before we actually realize. Another suggestion could be a girls night with your mom, sister and yourself. Tell her that you feel a bit lonely and don't want your close relationship to fall apart and really think you need the one on one time to spend with her. Chances are your mother will not turn down the idea. Tell here that the boyfriend needs to find something to do becasue this is a girls only deal and you would like some uninterupted attention. Tell her that it doesn't have to involve money, just watching a movie at home, nails cooking dinner, etc. Hopefully this will help the situation and best of luck. You sound like a very level head girl and you are approaching this in a respectful manner. Keep this in mind, you mom will come to his senses when his mask comes off (meaning his true personality will eventually shine through)!!!


Best of Luck to you!

Answer 2

daaaaaaaaaaaaayyuuuummmm, here we go again. You said your mom hasn't had a relationship in 15 years. Why don't you try putting yourself in your moms shoes, just for a minute even a second. I wish I did have a daughter or son that didn't get along with my first woman after 15 years. That means I went 15 years without booty for my children sake and then when I, as a grown a** man, decided hey I want a woman and then I ran into problems, that would be it. Talking about the straw that broke the camels back. You stated that your mom's new friend irritated you because he liked to get a responce from you. Now my question is, why did he have to irritate you to get a responce in the first place? Were you ignoring him or treating him mean? If so, then why? I bet it was because you were jealous that your mom wasn't giving you the same attention that she was giving you for those 15 years. 15 YEARS , not 15 seconds, or 15 minutes, 15 hours, 15 days, 15 months, but 15 whole years without companionship. Dayum girl, God, if you believe the story, saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone and so God made Eve. Your mom probably backed off because she is disappointed with you for acting so immature.Or it could be that she now sees how much she has spoiled you. You said even your younger sister likes the guy. You sound like this spoiled brat child who needs to come to her senses and help take more care of your younger sister. You sound like one these spoiled a** children that will grow up get a good job start writing these dumb a** emotional policies that will throw society into more sh**. You are making your whole house miserble because you are jealous. Should your mom go another 15 years alone until you move out and find a mate and have fun?

Answer 3

So sorry to hear your dilemma ... How old are you and your sister?
Are you stuck caring for her and taking care of the house too?
I barely survived a really bad step mother situation I had a horrible
experience...Unfortunately for me and my dad he married her and then found out what a wicked witch she was! I broke them up finally
after several years! I actually had to move out when I was 16 just so I could survive....

Anyway back to you and your sister ..Find a way to communicate
your concerns and express your feelings...If you both have to write her a letter then do that....You will have to compromise some because your mother deserves a life but there is a line to draw... Promise me you wont get into trouble outside of the situation before you get help because you will only be causing more pain for yourself... If nothing seems to get through to your mother seek counseling through your school or go to an authority figure and get help... If things get bad your mom could get into alot of trouble for neglect.... If it's jealousy then you need to come to grips that it's time for mom to spread her wings a bit but NOT at the expense of her children! Good luck! You can email me if you want to ...Because I have been there done that more than once!

Answer 4

Does your mother have a close friend that you can speak to who can act as a mediator? It's difficult when someone new arrives in a family but at the end of the day they are the adults and should have respect for you and your feelings. Try talking to your mum again and ask her to see it from your point of view. Its not easy but your mum needs to spend time with you and your sister and her new bf. Perhaps you could suggest a girls day out. Good luck

Answer 5

If you think she spoke to her bf about your problem with him, then she's obviously listening to your cry and doing something about it. If she didn't care at all about your feelings, I doubt she would of had a word with her bf for you. I think you should tell her what you feel and ask her to spend more time with you and your sibling(s). Its a loving point to make, and she should not be angry with you for saying that, because you want to change things for the better! Don't suggest she leaves her bf cos she obviously cares about him, but suggest she devotes more time to you too because before long you'll be off to uni or whatever and she'll wonder where the time went... make the most of your time together.
About the bf you dislike, i'm afraid your gonna have to grit your teeth and bear it. I understand it sounds like a clash of personalities, but as long as you remain nice to him, he should be more nice to you. And if your nice to him and he's not nice to you, you can have a grown up chat with your mum and her bf and explain your feelings, and as long as ur always nice he wont have anything to turn around on you, and she'l see your right and he's wrong and ask him to be nicer to you! As long as you try your hardest to get to know him better, and maybe suggest trying again with your relationship, and are polite to him loads, he should see your making an effort and in return be nicer to you, and your mum will respect you more too. Good Luck!xx

Answer 6

i won't be in a position to understand the way any mom ought to declare that to her toddler. i won't be in a position to understand the form you have gotten a situation so great that she might say that particularly of helping you with the situation. i won't be in a position to understand the form you have gotten a bf (boyfriend?) that should agree along with her and you do no longer get rid of him. you may't exchange mothers yet you relatively can get a greater physically powerful boyfriend. communicate on your mom and enable her understand how a lot this hurts you and attempt to artwork issues out. perhaps your mom is depressed and could see her wellness care professional. interior the least, come across a sparkling, nicer boyfriend. sturdy success and God bless.

Answer 7

You've already told your mum that you don't like her bf. You need to explain to her that although you don't like him you don't mind them being together and that you're happy for her. Explain to her that you feel that your own relationship with her is suffering as a result. Especially if you feel your younger sister is being neglected or treated differently. If your mother is still talking to your sister and not you then you need to point that out to her. You really just need to talk, don't make ultimatums and don't think that it's not your business because it is.

Answer 8

You need to be straight with your mom and tell her how you feel. She needs to be putting you and your sisters first. I know how it feels. My mom started dating after my older sister moved away to college and i was in high school. I did not like the guy because he aggravated me the same way. My mom started spending more time with him and i started getting in trouble. She then told me they were talking about getting married and begged her to wait until i moved away to college. She finally got the message and waited until i moved away. They are now married and have been for seven years. I had to grab my moms attention and let her know where her real responsibility was and she got the message. I hope you can convey that message to your mom. A new man is a tough transition and i wish you luck.

Answer 9

Just start ignoring him completely. Dont react when he says things because thats what hes looking for. Granted, I think its not that he is being mean but this is his way, a lousy one at that, to try and make some sort of connection with you.
Im not sure what to say about your mother except that she is consumed in this relationship since its been so long since shes been in one. To alter your relationship with your kids over a man is wrong. they are priority...always.

Answer 10

You need to back off and let your mom do her own thing. You don't want her telling you what to do with your life, but you expect her to change for you. That is not fair at all. You don't have to like this guy - he isnt' your bf. If your mom likes him, and he is making her happy right now, you should just be happy for your mom. Don't get involved. It isn't your place, right, or responsibility. Try to be as nice as you can, and in the mantime, just let this go. It's really not your business.