I dont want to LOSE HIM.....Need serious ADVICE/ANSWERS?

Question

Dear Everyone,

I have been seeing this person online for the past two mos. We have spoke about everything and anything…For the past couple of weeks, there have been “up’s and down’s” between us.
There was a moment, when I didn’t hear from him for about two days. Suddenly, he was under the impression, that I was out dating other men, he called me that night, and spoke about how he feels of me, and said that he is falling in love with me. I myself felt a deep closeness to him as well. Another moment was, I called him a couple of times and finally he returned his phone call about 13 hrs later. In between, the time – I sent him an email, because I started to have doubts, because he doesn’t have the courtesy to even send an email or text, basically, said that I wasn’t sure of him that is he just ignoring me or what it can be. He read my email, and got upset. We spoke of it, and made up afterwards. Another incidence is, that I said something in a jokingly manner “that when we speak in the middle of the night” – I’m half asleep and don’t quite hear what he says at times. He took that to the heart, and stopped calling me during the night hours, I sent him a message one night, that “I miss speaking with him, love him, and worry for him because he is going through a difficult time”. And he returned my call around 3:45am, we spoke, I did question him, that is he wanting to quit speaking, because their was lots of awkwardness, and he got upset, and asked “is this what I am wanting?” I said NO!!. and ever since, we both have been a little distant.
I sent him an email yesterday, explaining how I felt of him, and explained how these couple of weeks been tough on me. Last night, he called me around 3am and we spoke, it was the first time ever, the he mentioned how his past marriage failed, which we both never opened this topic, but he still says that he is not going to call me in the middle of the nights He always for the past two days tends to call in the middle of the night, but, then apologizes that he has called this late. As I said before it was the first time, he discussed about his past marriage too. He mentioned that he thinks, I am a bit confused, and we should take a step back (meaning, he will only call during 9am-9pm) and no longer later. He doesn’t say “I love you” anymore. I don’t want to lose him, but what is going through his mind? Is this a bad sign??, I don’t understand, that he says that he is not going to call me in the middle of the nights, but still does so….which I want him to continue? But I just want things to back where they were before.

Answer 1

I think that maybe you are asking him too many questions and scaring him off. This doesn't mean he's not interested, it seems to me he doesn't like the pressure he's under. Do you guys ever have chats that don't evolve around the problems you guys have? Try to have more of those, then he'll start to enjoy the relationship more.. everyone wants a relationship that makes them feel happy. Try to be more laid back about the relationship for now, try not to keep so much track of when you call and how long it takes for him to call you back (I know this is hard.. i sometimes can't help it either!) and let things happen naturally. Have fun together!

Answer 2

Hon you are not SEEING someone if your only connection thus far has been online. If you have only been talking on the phone or via online - and you've only been chatting like that for two months - nobody should be saying "I love you" yet anyway.

Real relationships CAN bloom from OLRs...however...you both must be mature adults and if you don't live close by one has to eventually up-root and move to where the other lives...so that involves a job where you can transfer or getting a new job, moving kids if they are involved, etc.

Two months isn't long enough to know anything even if you were seeing each other in the real and lived close by.

Perhaps he is just realizing all of this and taking a step back..and you should too...think it all out - make a plan if you want to keep going, but if all seems more than what can be accomplished - back out now before you are too emotionally vested, and it appears you already are..and much much too soon.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It sounds like he has a lot of issues. Is there any reason he is up so early in the morning? You two need to sit down and talk once and for all. Tell him everything you feel and let him tell you how he feels. If he feels you are sending him mixed signals then him taking a step back is normal. He must feel confused and doesn't know how to handle it.

Answer 4

Lot a pressure there love....
Times down to the minute.
Just a little neurotic maybe?

Relax. This is not good for any relationship.

Meet in person for gods sake.
This txtin electronic stuff is making you neurotic.
You need some good old fashioned face to face fear of embarrassment. All this other stuff is anonymous make me feel important crap.
You may want and need that right now but it is not good in the long run.

Answer 5

Honey, he is words on a screen and a voice on the phone. You need to meet and not worry about anything else. You only know what you've been told. You haven't seen anything nor any proof of what he is telling you, and vice versa. You guys may meet and click right away & be together for the rest of your lives. But you gotta meet first....then figure each other out and worry at that point. But don't worry just yet....

Answer 6

How well can one actually say they love/like/know anyone they met on the net? Think about it... you never met him. You can be falling in love with his lies. Don't be too gullible. He probably has a wife or a gf and is juggling time between the two of you...perhaps. Think twice if u let this internet/phone relationship continue. I wish u the best of luck. ... and I hope u know what ur doin.

Answer 7

I WISH I COULD TELL YOU LIFE WAS A FAIRY-TALE, IT'S MEAN, BUT THINGS HAPPEN. HE COULD OF HAD THINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT TO YOU ABOUT HAPPEN LIKE FAMILY THINGS, ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD AND EVEN HARDER SINCE THERE IS A DISTANCE INVOLVED.

KEEP REALISTIC THOUGH AND REALIZE IT'S ONLINE, YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT HE IS DOING 24/7 ALSO YOU CAN SAY I LOVE YOU WITHOUT LOOKING SOMEONE IN THE EYES WHEN YOU DO IT.

IF HE WANTS TO CONTINUE YOUR REALTIOPNSHIP HE NEED TO MAKE A SACRIFICE OR DO SOMETHING LIKE GO FIND YOU, SEEK YOU OUT IF HE HASN'T, NOT ONLY WILL YOU HAVE YOUR FAIRY-TALE MOMENT YOU'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER IT.

Answer 8

things will never be back where they were ---- you have moved on in your relationship --- its now up to both of you to decide where it goes

i think he is a little scared --- he has had one failed relationship and does not want to lose you

why not call him at night ---- really let him know you want him to call --- if you can talk ---- talk get these things in the open

Answer 9

Judging by the length of your question you probably talk too much and don't listen enough and he needs to get away to get a break. Give the man a little room.

Answer 10

you don't want to lose him? what about him losing you? sounds like he's still got a bunch of drama to go through. you should give him some time and let him come back to you.