Is my boyfriend an alcoholic? Should I dump or dump and try and help him out or what?

Question

He is lovely and great sober and when 'merry drunk' but sometimes he insists on drinking himself to oblivion (up until recently entirely behind my back - we have been dating 6 months) - he tries to avoid inviting me to these boozy parties and will do anything to keep us together. When he goes these parties he gets drunk to the point of passing out/oblivion - he is 42 - its like he is completely lost - doesn't know Im there and completely out of control.

Answer 1

Well drinking yourself to oblivion and hiding that from your loved ones sounds like alcoholism to me.
Theres only one person who can change him and thats himself - as much as you or other people tell him to change he is the only one who can make that decision.
I would end the relationship (because of his drinking) but say you will support him in getting help and remain friends etc.
If/when he gets himself off the booze you can always get back together again if you want to.

Answer 2

For one, he is an alcoholic. The only thing that is going to help him is by going to a specific hospital for people who have problems like his. He goes in for a month, can't leave (some are more strict than others) and can not drink alcohol. It's a big big step and it doesn't work for everyone, but I think that's the only thing that will help him. Dumping him and helping him may not help his situation. Support from loved ones is what he needs during his rehabilitation.
So all in all... You have to talk to him about his problem and see if he wants help and is willing to go. If he doesn't want help recovering, then I would say "Bye."

Answer 3

Yes, he does sound like he is an alcoholic and yes, you should dump him. If he is having to drink behind your back, and is trying to hide it, he is an alcoholic. You cannot change an alcoholic, you can only watch as it gets worse and worse.

The person who is the alcoholic, has to admit it for himself, and want to change. The friends and even family cannot make these changes for him. Please do not waste your life trying to change this man, and make him stop drinking...it will not happen.

I do not want to sound so negative, but this is the cold, hard facts. I have watched this type of behavior in my own family and in a lot of my friends relationships. You can love the person, but you cannot cure the alcoholic. It will not happen. Get some help for yourself through AA, but you need to end this relationship; before you are more involved. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 4

He is 42, he's had opportunity to grow up and out of bad habits like that. He isn't going to change. THis will tear you apart if you stay.

I have 2 sisters that are alcoholics, and it's a miserable existence. DOn't let him make your life as miserable as his. Point him in the direction of change, he will ONLY choose to take that direction if HE wants to.

Answer 5

Needs your help and support and medication ? Do not give up too soon. Counselling from A.A. or similar might help find out why he needs to drink, alcoholics are sometimes very insecure personality wise. Good Luck.

Answer 6

i really feel for you. i lived with a man the exact same that your discribing now and let me tell you it just gets worse. i know you dont wanna hear that but i aint gonna lie to you. it got to the point where i had to go to bed an eight in the evening just to make sure i was asleep when he came home and even then he used to make me. six months isnt long and when he gets more comfortable with you it'll start to get worse and worse. i advise you strongly to try and persuade him to seek help. but remember, it'll only work if he wants it to work. if he refuses to get help then run girl. and i mean it. nothing good can come out of this and if you stay then you'll be enabling him to carry on. he needs to hit rock bottom and be left with nothing before he can go up. but dont let him drag you down with him. its really not worth it. good luck.

Answer 7

You can help him by making suggestions but you will not get him to stop drinking...That is something he has to want to do..Believe me having been married to two drunks I know what I am talking about..The only person who can stop this is the one who is doing it...and believe me he will think of all kinds of excuses why he doesn't need to stop...So all you can do is to maybe suggest that he tone it down and just drink casually or stop completely..The rest is up to him.....I was unsuccessful in my attempts to get my two to stop ...Maybe you will have better luck....

Answer 8

Unless he wants help, you are not going to be able to help him. You can try to point out his problem but it's still his choice whether to deal with the problem or not.
So your choice is this; you can either stick it out with him or you can move on and find someone that doesn't drink to that degree.
I know that it's a difficult choice for you to make but you need to make it for your peace of mind. I realize that you care about him but you also need to care about yourself.
So take your time, think it through, and make the decision that you think is best for you. I wish you well on this.

Answer 9

You can not help him, he has to want to get help for drinking. The best thing you can do, for yourself, is to leave him. Tell him he needs to get himself together. and it does not make any sense, you hanging around, worrying and upset about him. that he has to do this for himself! Tell him this is very upsetting to you. Now you have to start to think about yourself. I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 10

Yes, I just can't toralate people with drinking habits.
My bf is a party animal, but he knows his limits, and knows when to stop. I will never accept him to forget what he says while he's drinking, and that makes him alert.