I am calling my birth mother (she doesn't know I'm calling) for the first time ... I am 35yrs?

Question

old but I am at a loss for words..what do I say?

Answer 1

Feel the call out. Call and ask some questions, like "Is your name ___?", "did you have a daughter on___ day?" Are you looking for her__?"

You will know then by the tone of her voice where to go from there. Then you tell her who you are. "your birth-name"
After that, it will be easy.. you will recognize the voice, and you will have a feeling like you know her "after all she is your mother"

Just try to act natural.. and listen to the voice.. it will help you along. You will feel nervous.. but try to remember she loves you no matter if she wants the call at the time or not.

Don't listen about only writing a letter, you have her number and you want to call. When you write a letter it may not come back at all to you.
So, just call. When you call like I suggested, you are first asking questions.. this way she almost already knows what the call is about, that it possibly can be her daughter. You are building her up so in the end it's not as much as a shock to her.. she will not get a heart attack.

Answer 2

Hello. You are not alone in this area. There are many people now going through exactly the same situation as you are planning.
This is my suggestion to you. First, try to place yourself in your birth mother's shoes. Would you be in good health, you would most probably be past 60 yrs of age. Do you think that you would appreciate recieving a telephone call from some one whom claims to be your son or daughter whom was given up for adoption for circumstance beyond your control?
To be honest with you, I think that you had better take a much more serious look at how to meet and speak to your birth mother !
First of all, if you want her to communicate with you and I am sure she would want to communicate with you also, then show her the respect she deserves! Sit down and write her a letter. It is much easier to write your feelings into a letter, such as how you truly want to meet your birth mom and really want to get to know her and the rest of your family that you have never known. Write to her, telling her about yourself and request a time and place to meet her in person. This will give her time to adjust and if her health is not good, then it allows her protection. For a person with a bad heart for instance, such a telephone call could trigger a heart attack and possibly death, would you want this to happen, especially to your birth mother you have never met and want to know? I'm not saying she is in bad health, but you need to take the possibility into consideration. I wish you good luck and hope that all goes well for you in attaining your dreams!

Answer 3

I am sure you have millions of questions as to why she put you up for adoption. You may even be a little angry. Try really hard NOT to start your converstaion with her in a confrontational way.

I would just say "hi", tell her your name. You will know from her reaction how she feels about you calling her. Be prepared for the worst! These situation don't always work out like we see on the talk shows. She may not want to be found. You need to be ready to deal with that possibility.

I wish you the very best! Good luck to you! Keep us posted!

Answer 4

I am not in your situation but for what it's worth...

If I was birth mother to a now adult child, assuming that I did want to be contacted, I think I would prefer a letter. Hearing your voice could be a big shock/surprise to her and thus she may say things that are hurtful or not even be able to speak at all. Inadvertantly of course. A letter would give her time to compose herself so that she could call you and you would be able to have a calm conversation.

Good luck

Answer 5

be yourself, its all you can be

my grandmother was a foster-mother as well as my mom who just adopted 2 kids

It's not easy, she might be afriad your going to judge her, tell her the good things from life that came out because of her. Let her know the good things in your life and do not have anything negative, she will cry no way a person can not cry with that going on, then if shes near by ask her if she'd like to meet your family.

Answer 6

Why are you calling her?

I'm guessing that it's to ask questions, etc. Just say hi, your name and that you are her birth child, and if it's okay with her you'd like to talk to her. See what she says. But you need to be aware that she may not welcome your call. On the other hand, she may be very glad you did. Steady yourself before you call so you can handle either response. Good luck.

Answer 7

I think calling her mom or not is not the issues here. the issue is that you want to get connect to your birth mother.

well all you can do is call her, invite her for a dinner or some places where you can talk and know her before you now introduce yourself.

Answer 8

DON"T call her mom! Just say Hello and tell her your name and that she is your birth mother and you would really like to speak with her.... thats it. calling her mom will freak her out....I'm sure you have a 'mom' who raised you...

Answer 9

good for you dear.

very few people come away tramatized.

you might even make a new friend.

talk about anything you want to

she,s your MOTHER !

don;t forget that. keep it light.

too soon for the heavy stuff

make friends first,ask too meet her for tea.

Answer 10

It depends if shes trying to find you... If she is.. I'm sure she will be delighted to her your voice. When she answers just say " MOM" and you will then know... from her response.. GOOD LUCK and let me know.