Am i being selfish?

Question

My boyfriend and i have lived together on and off for the past 2 years. My home is paid off, and therefore all that i pay is my utilities. He does not contribute anything to the bills, and has bought groceries twice since August that total around $300. He has had problems finding work, and seemed to have stopped looking. 95% of our outings like dinners etc etc..come out of my pocket, in addition to his expenses like bus fare, old tickets etc etc...In the last 4-6weeks i have given $600 cash for things that he needs. We need to get a car and he wants me to help. However, i'm the only with a job, and the only one saving anything. I really want to be there for him, but I'm finding that i cant even get things that i want for myself. Am I being selfish???

Answer 1

I would say it is the other way around , he is taking advantage of you. be care full i am sure he thinks he has you wrapped around his finger. you need to stop giving him things(money, ect.) don't let him know what you have thats the first mistake. you need to have a talk with him and let him know who's the boss. If he dosn't clean up his act then I would get rid of him. good luck.....

Answer 2

NOOOOO! I would stop paying for his stuff until he gets a job. Most people will do what thay have to do to remain comfortable, and he is taking advantage of your feelings for him. I know that every body goes through periods of depression, etc, and sometimes it can be hard to find a decent job. However, I think that he is testing your limits, and you need to show him a boundary. If he has to take a lesser job than he is used to, oh well. At least he would be trying.
He wants you to "help" get a car? oh nonononono. He wants you to get a car that he can drive while you are at work. I would not take him out to eat, or pay for anything else. Also, if I were you , I would keep a diary of expenses that you have, so that you can show him how much money he needs to make, and how long it will take to save up for a car.
If y'all have been together for 2 years, then I am sure that he is probably a good guy deep down, but you might have to help him help himself. If he's depressed, get him some help. If he's just being lazy, get him a bus ticket.

Answer 3

Okay. Here goes....

Would it be 'okay' if it was the other way around? Are you only complaining because you have to support a man? Is it any different than other relationships in which only the man works? If you love the guy and you guys have a great relationship, you should have no problem helping him out and dishing out money when you guys go out to eat. Even if he did have a job, if you make the most, there's no saying that says HE has to pay.

HOWEVER, I would tell him that he needs to get a job. I wouldnt give him an ultimatum like the rest of them said. Too many couples break up over financial reasons. Too many couples break up because one is bringing in all the money, etc. Money is the root of all evil when it comes to couples.

Just tell him that you are trying to save up some money for your future or emergencies and that its hard to do when there's someone else in the house who needs your money as well. Tell him that it would be nice if he got a job and helped out a little.

Does he at least keep the house clean etc?

Answer 4

No you are not. Sit down and have a one on one with him and tell him that you cannot continue to keep supporting the both of you and he needs to help out. Give him some time to look for a job and land one. If he does nothing, get him out and find someone better. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Honey you really need to have a serious talk with this guy.Explain to him that this situation is putting you in a financial crunch.I would also cut back on the amount of money I was spending on him,maybe if he isn't getting everything he wants from you he will take more initiative to find a job.

Answer 6

No you are not being selfish at all!!! He needs to get off his butt and get a job and help pay the bills if he is going to be living there. If I were you I would give my boyfriend a month to find a job to help and if he hasn't gotten one by then I would tell him to get out!!!

Answer 7

Hell no...you are not being selfish one bit. What you need to do is kick him to the curve. For real!!!! Find a man that has a career, money in the bank, a car and that is financial stable. This so called man of yours will drain your pockets. Don't let that happen. He will bring you down just like he's brought himself down. Wake up.....he sounds like a bugaboo!!!! There are plenty of men out there that are stable.

Answer 8

at times in a relationship, there is a give and take, there will be difficult times when one will take on more responsibilities than the other. you will lean on each other when the time is needed. however if he continues to not put any effort in pursuing a job, then you will have to talk to him. no, i dont think you are selfish.

Answer 9

Tell him to shape up or ship out...he's using you, and you need to stop him. support him by sending his resume out over workopolis or something similar but by you giving him everything he's just sitting back reaping your rewards thatyou worked your but off for...he doesn't appreciate you. If I were you he'd be on the street already. He's not your kid to support he'sa grown man and needs to start acting like one.

Answer 10

Give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he doesn't go get a job then you can't keep on supporting him like that, which you definitely shouldn't always be doing.