How 2 tell mom I have a b.f. !I'm 24 yrs old!?

Question

I'm 24 & 2 kids.. seperated from the dad 1 yr ago. I met a great guy, been official w/ him 4 a month 1/2. My mom will start assuming that everything i'm doing will have 2 do w/ him & not help me with the kids 'cause now i have a b.f. i met his fam. & freinds- he met my kids & freind..what do I do? I feel like a kid again! Please help!!

I'm 24, 2 kids. I've been seperated for 1 yr. I met someonr who is very special, he also has a child. I met his mom, sis, a couple of other fam. members and his son. On my end he has met a couple of my freinds and my boys. My mom is very judgemental. She will bend over for me at any time but on the other hand is controlling. She thinks i should never get married, just have a b.f. on the side.. shouldn't go out. Just b at home w/ her & the kids. I dont think so. I want to go out, get married one of these days. She helps me financialy.. I dont want to jeoperdize her helping me just because I have a b.f. I know if I hide it, she will find out anyways- Do I wait or tell her now?
I want to tell her but how??

Answer 1

You are many, many years too young to not have male companionship, and how nice it is for you to have a man who you think so much of, who has already basically invited you to be part of his life by including you with his friends and family!

Just do your very best to give your children the attention and quality time with you that they deserve. As long as you do this, even though you have a boyfriend, your children will not suffer. Also, when you are with your boyfriend, be sure to sometimes include your children, and sometimes do "family" things, instead of only "date" things!!!!! You are a "package" deal, but that is not all bad!

Sounds like you may have your head on your shoulders, which is refreshing to see with girls of your age.

Your mother should realize that it isn't all about your children as well. You have to be happy too, and surely, she must know that you are way too young to be closed up in a room with your children for the entire rest of your life! Besides, children need good male role models. It sounds like this guy may fit that description!

Good luck to you! Do tell your mother asap, as I am sure she would rather not want to be the last to know!

Answer 2

nicely it would not sound like your overly keen on him, to be effortless. basically ensure he's official. human beings can relatively fake their somebody they at the instant are not online. have you ever seen him on webcam or something? in case you desperate you prefer to fulfill him, do it in an open, public place, and ensure somebody is familiar with the place you're going (in certainty, a sturdy thought is to have somebody else there.. they do no longer must be with you, yet say case in point you meet in a bar.. get a pair of your persons to bypass there and that they could shop an eye fixed on you from yet another table to make certain you're ok). Oh and that's a respectable thought to have an get away direction planned.. case in point, a chum ought to telephone you at a undeniable time, and in case you prefer to bypass fake they're ringing because of the fact attempt to be someplace else. in case you prefer to stay, you may basically reject the call. It sounds somewhat tragic, yet basically in case you experience the ought to ruin out :) -- he's in all probability basically a classic guy, yet I basically intend to ensure your thinking approximately your risk-free practices. EDIT: ignored the area once you suggested human beings have been telling you which you need to no longer date him. Is it because of the fact they understand him individually? if so, i might a minimum of think approximately what they say. in the event that they do no longer understand him, then bypass on your individual thoughts. as long as you reside risk-free, it relatively is as much as you :)

Answer 3

I like these kinds of questions (sarcasm) because only enough information is given to paint the problem in a one-sided way so as to elicit the answer the questioner wishes to receive.

1) Aren't you assuming, also? I take it your mom has assumed this about you in the past because that is how you acted with boyfriends in the past. You don't want her to assume the same thing is true now (for whatever reason) but ASSUME she will because this is how she has reacted in the past. You are are making her seem like a bad person for something she hasn't even done yet and might not do, but for which you, yourself, are doing. Why do you expect more from her than from yourself?

2) You state what you assume your mother will assume, but you don't state a) if her assumptions, should she make them, would be true, and b) why it is important what she assume about you concerning this boyfriend. Is she helping you with your kids in some way and you don't want to lose that help? If that's the case, then it's her business to some extent if your being with your boyfriend affects her. Such as if she watches the kids when you go out, and you're lying about who you'll be with and what you are doing so she won't refuse to. Or if she gives you money to spend for yourself and the kids and you're spending any of it to be with your boyfriend. Since in both cases it's her time and money, then it's her business how they are spent.

3) What does him, his friends and his family meeting you and your kids mean? You don't say how it went, what they thought of you and/or the kids, etc.

The only things you really tell us is that you met a guy whom you think is great and you've been officially with him (whatever that really means) for four and a half months and lying to your mother for at least that long about it.

Edit: Concerning your additional details:

Well, you've already been lying to her, partly because she is helping you financially. This sends a message that you have been using her. Even if your intentions for doing so were completely honourable (which they aren't and haven't been), then this is what it still boils down to. If you continue to lie then you only make it seem worse as time goes by, because it is worse. And when she finds out, which is inevitable, you will have jeopardized any relationship with her even further, maybe beyond repair.

If you want a chance for a future relationship with your mother then you need to tell her what is and has been going on, which is what you say you want to do. It would be best to do so in an environment where it is just the two of you so that each can be as frank with the other as possible. If it doesn't get settled then it will just be there to fester and have to be dealt with later. I'm sure having someone with you when speaking to her might make you feel more secure but it can work in your disfavour. If you have your children with you when talking, then either of you might be too cautious in speaking or just the opposite, and end up exposing your children to something you'd rather not have them exposed to. If you have your boyfriend or someone else with you, then your mother might feel cornered and react accordingly.

If you truly feel that someone being there would be a help rather than a burden, then bring them along, but do not have the children there. If you do bring someone, then be certain to speak with them about what you are going to do, what you would like them to do, and what might be expected to occur. Since this would involve that other person, then they should be informed and agreeable to what will be going on.

Try to be calm with your mother and explain what has been going on and your feelings. And apologize to her for lying. Explain why you lied but don't try to justify it or excuse it, it isn't an apoligy otherwise. Try not to let it become a heated argument, even if it becomes heated on her side of it. Listen to what she has to say and show her that you are listening by how you respond.

I think everyone should have happiness in their lives wherever and with whomever they can find it with, but not at the expense of some one else, or at least not without that other's full knowledge and consent in the matter. Right now your lying to your mother hurts and uses her, and also taints your happiness, now and in the future. Good luck on clearing things up.

Answer 4

Tell to think about the kids security and the kids development you think your new bf is helping more and you like him, etc.

Answer 5

Hi...you should just tell your mum. You are a grown woman with 2 kids....

Answer 6

You should just tell her. I know how you feel though. The best thing is to bring him to meet her.

Answer 7

Just tell her you met someone! And you would like her to meet him.

Answer 8

you should be really careful
when there is kids invoved.

they need to be protected from people
you date.

Answer 9

if your mother doesnt like it that is tough you are old enough to plan your own life

Answer 10

just talk to her