What do I do about my sister who is jealous and mean to my 5 year old daughter?

Question

My sister and I both have children. I had my kids first, and shortly after she had a daughter. My 5 year old is a really bright child and gets a lot of praise from the family because of it. My sister now picks on her and always tells her (unreasonably) to be quiet and to stop doing different things. She constantly talks about herself and her 17 month old daughter and is always trying to "prove" that her baby is "smarter" than my children. I try to ignore it, but I end up snapping at her because I feel she is singling out my daughter. It's as if no one else matters except her and her family when she's around. When I tried to talk with her about it, she became angry and said "Fine, I won't say anything the next time one of your kids tries to run out the front door!". I am at the end of my rope! My parents refuse to see that it could be anyone's fault but mine (I'm always the scape goat). HELP!

Answer 1

Shes just jealous that you had a baby first and your daughter gets praised for her brightness and hers doesn't. She feels that you are getting more attention than she is. My aunts daughter gets real jealous over me and shes 1 year older than I am. She gets real jealous when people tell me I'm pretty and she wouldn't expect them to tell me that. Your sister is just trying to buy attention from everyone if she constantly talks about herself. It isnt your fault for anything, like I said when people are jealous of someone else they tend to speak about themselves very frequently expecially if he or she didnt do it very often before the kids came.. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

I wrote the original question and wanted to give a few more details. Whoever wrote about something more going on with my sister is right. She has had a lot of trouble with her marriage lately and is an overall insecure person. I am the younger sister; my husband just started a business that has been successful, we recently bought a home, etc. All these things are bothersome to my sister. We went through our own sibling rivalry for years. She always felt like I got all the attention, that I was smarter, blah, blah, blah. Now she has transferred this rivalry to our children. It's like my daughter is me and her daughter is her. I also have a 2 year old son that she's always very pleasant too. I want nothing to do with this "grandchildren" rivalry, and try not to participate in it. I have tried to keep a relationship with her. She is my sister and I do love her. However, I don't want my daughter being treated unfairly; she's only 5! And none of my sister's own feelings of inadequacy are my daughter's fault. I just don't know what to do on holidays when the family gets together!

Answer 3

Family issues can always be a little sticky. You can choose to avoid your sister altogether but in my opinion "blood is thicker than water" and if this is the biggest problem in your family then it must not be too bad. I am not saying that it isn't a problem.

You are not going to change the situation itself. This is about your sister and what's going on inside her and NOT about you or or daughter. The only thing you can change is your perception of the situation. Chances are there is a bigger issue that is troubling your sister. I would arrange to spend some time with your sister and no kids doing something enjoyable, and try to open up the lines of communication. I wouldn't say "Why do you act so jealous and treat my kid mean" but try and get her talking more about how it can be difficult to be a mom and balance everything and you might get more insight as to what's going on in her life that is making her take it out on your family.

It is difficult to give more specific advice without knowing how the family dynamics are in general.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would just stay away from them. Some people are always going to be competitive, and sometimes it's just not worth the energy to put up with them. If your parents ask, just tell them that you don't feel your daughter is being treated fairly, and that you won't put her in a situation that you feel isn't fair to all of the children. You can't change the way your parents view the situation, but you can control how you child is treated by your family by keeping her away from them. It sounds like your sister is jealous of the attention your daughter gets for her smarts, which is sad, because every child is special is his/her own way.

Answer 5

Just tell her to shut up and you'll raise your child the way you want. People will respect you more when you stand up for your daughter and your own personal beliefs. She'll eventually see that all kids develope at different rates,and her's probably is no more genius than yours. New parents tend to walk around in a cloud thinking their child is the cutest smartest most adorable thing to ever walk the earth and how could anyone not like him/her? I'm guilty of that myself, but I wouldn't ever compare my kids to other kids in front of their parents. That's just rude and tell your sister so. Find something else to do, go to the library where they have reading circles, the park, etc. and try to avoid your family for awhile.

Answer 6

Well she's the one who has the problem if she can't talk about this like an adult. If you try to talk to her and she snaps back with an answer like that, continue to be the adult and let her know that is not acceptable. Kids are only a kid once and she doesn't need to be doing this to her niece, you don't want your daughter to grow up with a grudge against her aunt. My sister in law is always trying to out do me as well, our daughters are 2 months apart. My daughter did happen to do things before hers did, mine is the younger of the two. She ended up taking her daughter to a doctor because she was concerned her daughter was not delveloping fast enough. I learned then to keep things minimal. My daughter also has older siblings she learns from, her's did not.

Answer 7

Do you live with any of your family members(sister or parents)?
because if you do you need to move out, I really don't understand why 1 sibling would think that she must down grade the other siblings child, just to make theirs sound better. What your sister needs is a good tongue lashing from you and if your parents don't like it well to bad. They must understand that this is your child and it is not nice to see her aunt putting her down. You are the parent to this child stick up for her and don't let anyone talk bad about her. Your sister is jealous,your child is getting alot of attention and hers is not getting the same type of attention, she needs to stop her crap and grow up, your kids are older and hers is 17mths. What is there to compare. Don't let anyone walk all over you ok, be strong and always defend your children against idiotic people like your sister.Maybe one day she will grow up.

Answer 8

Gosh, My sister is just like this, She is such a Biatch. I love my children and I do my best to make my son hit his milestones and beyond. My sister is a horrible mother, and she is just insecure about herself. Your sister knows you are such a great mom, and she knows she isn't. she just tries to make herself look good. I can see right through her. My niece is 4 and doesn't know abc's or numbers and can't talk clearly. My nephew was leg problems and is autistic. I ask her to take my nephew to the hospital for therapy and she refuses, she is in denial. She thinks I am talking bad about her children, I am just trying to help. Then she attacks my son saying he is weird looking and such a mama's boy ( he has separtion anxiety) telling him that I am leaving and he gets upset. Just ignore these comments. You know you are being the best mother you can be, and she is just trying to reassure herself to make herself feel better. I just ignore these comments, my sister is immature.

Answer 9

don't even bother about talking to her about it, and neither does it help telling your family and parents about it. when you feel that you need someone to talk to and vent on, try talking to your husband who would most probably be the one who can understand how you're feeling. afterall, not everyone parents understands their child. maybe your parents didn't manage to find out what exactly happened, and wasn't there when the problem itself occur.
try not to allow your sister and your child meet often, what she says and does might hurt or harm your child one way or another.

Answer 10

I have a sister that I haven't seen or spoken to since 6/9/1999...she said she(and I quote) "I don't care for your lifestyle, with the all-nighters, parties and travelling and especially dislike the way you choose to handle your private affairs with them(women)." Her choice; my benefit! I hope this answers your question.