2006-11-07 23:33:09 · 28 answers · asked by leila b 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Here are a few of my favourite comedy one-liners. They're really funny.
I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing
to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
During s*x, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.
One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy,"Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said,Because you came home early".
It's been a rough day I got up this morning... put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat
kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who
came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how bigI'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?"
He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my
kite in the air?"He told me to run off a cliff.
One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in
the electric chair.
Hope these made you laugh :-)
2006-11-08 00:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by orion 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!" "OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. (scroll down) "MY ROLEX!"
2016-05-21 21:41:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything chandler says in Friends he has some fantastic one liners how the writers come up with it amazes me.
2006-11-07 23:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by Solitaire_940 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not one for likeing one liners i think the best has to be the one line reply
no sh1t sherlock
2006-11-08 00:06:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man says to a horse - why the long face!
Not great - but the only one I know (i think)...
2006-11-07 23:47:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
god i just realised that stills makes me laugh!!!!
2006-11-08 01:29:48 · answer #6 · answered by ebex 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say she was stupid but she thought God was called Harold, because in The Lords Prayer it says 'Our father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name'!
Ok, bit longer than one line but fun-ny!
2006-11-07 23:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by gymcoach81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly how weird someone putting a thumbs down to this question...weirdos!!
little joke...whats the difference between a 40 year old woman and a 40 year old man??
40 year old woman thinks about having children...40 year old man thinks of dating them!!
2006-11-07 23:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia K 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
do whatever u like to do n then say
i m sorry :)
this is my favourite oneliner
coz most of the times i use to do pranks
2006-11-08 00:10:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jesus saves...but Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots and scores!
2006-11-08 00:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by Jeremy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋