i have the cheekiest 2 yr old daughter?

Question

she swears, is cheeky, answers back, is always chausing chaos, will not listen to my partner at all and seems to try to play us off each other, she is rude to people calling them mingers, if someone perhaps smells a bit that gets on the bus u can guarrentee my daughter will tell them,,,, i have curbed her tantrums the best that i can but she is stubborn to the max, deffiant, sly, she lies so much about silly things and breaks all her toys,,, she isnt spoilt because we have cut back on getting her things because she breaks them all. We have moved into an extended family with older children here but she isnt loosing attention infact she gets more but she really is out of control,,, in other ways she is so forward, she can count, is out nappies, knows basic shapes, colours etc, i know it cant be adhd cos she is so good for my parents when they look after her sometimes but with me she is out of control completely... any ideas????

My partner and i do back each other up 100% however it is a fairly new relationship and her father and i used to argue a lot as i did not agree with how harsh he was on her and so she naturally expects me to back her up now aswell,, i know the issues are my mistakes i dont need that pointing out,, just want some pointers on how to put things right!

Answer 1

Tantrums and blunt honesty are typical of a two-year-old, and so is stubbornness. With the right parenting techniques, children gradually move past these behaviors that show up when they're two.

The other things, though, look like they could turn into problems if you don't know how to stop them now. During the first three years of life children form brain connections that they'll have for the rest of their life. If they don't get a certain type of socialization and experience with doing calmer, constructive, things they may end up having ADHD even if they didn't start out with it.

Since she behaves ok with your parents, it is probably something you're doing. I assume you're young, and many babies of young parents are plenty smart when it comes to things like knowing their colors. What they often don't get from young parents is the type of nurturing that helps them develop emotional maturity (acting in a socially acceptable, non-aggressive, way and being able to do sit-down activities and respecting their mothers etc.).

Its pretty normal that she breaks some toys (particularly if she has toys that are not made for her age range). You may want to limit how much time she spends with older children because she'll learn things from them you may not want her to learn this young; and she may feel frustrated if she tries to keep up with them, which isn't good for her either.

You need to have a lot of time with her by yourself, and you need to be calmly talking to her about what you're doing, what she'd like to do, what she likes, and, most importantly, why she shouldn't call people bad names and why she doesn't have to say things that aren't true. If you have time alone with her, enjoying each other, and talking about what nice little girls do and what nice little girls don't do it may make her start to see you as someone she both admires but also respects.

It sounds like when it comes to social/emotional development she's been kind of left to her own devices - and she kind of sounds like a little "street kid" (with the being sly and lying and out of control). Maybe you've taken the time to help her learn colors and shapes, but maybe you just haven't been aware of how important it is to provide a basic level of structure and rules when it comes to behavior and how early parents need to start. I'm not saying turn into "Hitler" and not let her do anything. There is, though, a way you can structure her time and her day loosely and in a way that includes time with you, talking about why she can jump in the family room but not on the dining room table, etc. You can bring her out for something like juice and danish, and talk about how people act when they go to a restaurant.

If you bring her to the Post Office or Bank talk about what those places are and why she needs to stay with you and wait nicely while you do your business. If you talk to her about appropriate behavior in each different type of place her brain will learn that she needs to adjust behavior. When you're just with her talk about why nice little girls should be nice to people (because people won't like them if they aren't and because good friends are nice to people).

Young parents often see setting some basic limits on a child as being stifling; but telling small children they shouldn't jump off the dining room table and shouldn't throw balls in the living room isn't stifling. They can jump on their bed if they want and throw the ball in the family room if they want; but learning that they can't do some things in some places helps them form brain connections that will help them be able to adjust to different environments (like school).

So often children who know their numbers and letters and whatever else get to school and are unable to concentrate or behave because they haven't had the benefit of a few simple rules and lots of talking from their mother.

When it comes to her answering you back you need to calmly say to her, "You are not to talk to me that way. I don't talk to you that way. We talk to each other nicely."

You may want to talk to your parents or watch how they are with her to get some ideas or even consider talking with someone who can give you some parenting tips. I'm not saying what I'm saying to be insulting. Its that you have said she's out of control, and obviously, you care about doing what is right for her.

She needs nice time with you alone in the house, nice time with you out (anywhere, it doesn't matter where). She needs to spend a certain amount of time playing something quietly, like blocks; and she needs some time playing with something like dolls or whatever other toys she has. Breaking up routine by letting her spend some time with other people is fine, but she shouldn't be allowed to just spend hours with older kids with all the kids just running wild.

If your partner isn't her father make the rule that only you will deal with your daughter. That's not saying you all can't have a nice time together, but when it comes to telling her right from wrong and spending time with her alone, only you are her mother. Even if he's her father, if he's the type to "get her all wild" tell him to back off because you need to get some control back.

You may want to consider talking to someone who gives parenting tips. Clearly, you've done a lot right with your little girl; and clearly, you want to regain control of the situation. You're really wise to be trying to talk to people and get a reading on other people's ideas.

Some of what you've described is just because of her age, but enough of what you've said really should be addressed; because if you don't get it ironed out now you (and she) will have problems.

In a way, I'm sorry to be so candid; but what good would sugar-coating things do. I've known a lot of young parents, and I've seen how many of them do things. If my guess about your situation is correct you're one of a "zillion" young parents who have what you have going.

Good luck. I suspect a few tips from experienced, older, parents (no matter how uncool they may seem) may help you help your little girl be a little less of a freshy. As you know, it may even be sort of cute right now (in a way), but it won't be cute in another year or two.

Answer 2

Had the same kind of thing with my eldest, not youngest daughter. she was very very intelligent [got a first class honours last year!] and tried it on. With the swearing, she's picked it up from somewhere and its a new word to try out. Ignore it and don't let the rest of the family swear either. When you sense she's going to say something embarrassing, gently put your hand over her mouth, shake your head to indicate no and say, later. She'll have forgotton it later. She is probably after your attention if you have new people to look after. Notice her when she is good, not naughty. Don't let other people indulge her just because she's the youngest around. She isn't lying, she's making up little fantasties and telling you about what she would've liked to happen. Let her tell you stories that she's made up [this will be, at her age, about people she knows]. Get her into a decent nursery school asap. Last resort, a slap across the legs for really bad behavour still works but tell her why she's had the slap so she knows she's been really naughty. Hope this helps. And teach her to read, that works wonders. My daughter was reading by 3 and half.

Answer 3

If she is swearing and answering back she is getting this behaviour from somewhere. How does a 2yr old know the word minger. You say she is getting lots of attention but is it from you and not her extended family. Then again that's why it's called the terrible two's mine were little sods at that age. Even so don't let her get away with it, Don't shout at her but keep explaining these things are wrong. Try putting her on a naughty step or chair if she wont behave give her one chance first to stop and explain what will happen if she does not, but only for a couple of minutes. Hopefully though this is just the terrible two's and she will grow out of it. At that age they want to test the boundaries.finally kids are always, for some reason, better behaved for their grandparents, that's just the way it is.

By the way i think adhd is a load of crap. Give your kids a healthy diet, keep away from chemical packed foods, ready meals frozen foods,fizzy drinks, to many sweets and all that rubbish and they will behave better. It's not natural all the rubbish some kids are fed nowadays. 50yrs ago there was no such thing as adhd and kids weren't fed loads of ****. There's got to be a connection somewhere. By the way i'm not some old fart or hippy veg head, i just think you should feed your kids healthy food.

Answer 4

Sounds like she came from the same mould as my daughter (although not the swearing bit)! My daughter was exactly the same at that age. She used to sleep 3hrs out of 24 and was always needing to do something. I used to dread taking her out because of the havoc she would cause (embarassing to say the least). When she was two and a half she started playgroup and it was the best thing I ever did. Her mind was so active that she needed to be constantly entertained and at 4yrs old they recommended that she started school full time. From then on, she was a changed person. She is now 32, intelligent,polite,great job and the lovliest person you could ever wish to meet. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It sounds as though your daughter is bored and her mind is wanting to learn. I personally, would suggest playgroup or something of that nature. I hope it goes well for you. By the way, her 11yr old daughter was exactly the same!!!!!! What goes around, comes around. Ha ha. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

SHE JUST WANTS ATTENTION. go pick up a book called the DQ factor.. it will explain everything and ways to help.

Children want attention.. wether it's negative or positive. Ignore the negative behavior and give her 342342342342342 times more attention and positive reinforcement for good behavior and for her just being her.


Also if there a new fellow in the picture that probably isnt helping her right now. She is craving attention because im sure there was a point between dad and the new guy where she got 100% of your attention.

Answer 6

First of all are you sure she is only "2"?

You should take her toys away from her, use a deterrent like a naughty chair, seat - look to close adults to stop swearing in front of her, she is picking this up somewhere. Look who uses the word "minger" not a very nice word at all in my opinion.

You will be able to tame her, but you must look for help at home and carry out any threats that you give her.

Answer 7

# 1 children do go through a stage called the terrible two's
#2 A child that age does not learn swear words on her own so she has to be hearing it from somewhere, Always becareful of the choice of words you choose around her, kids will repeat everything.
when she gets out of hand it wouldnt hurt to give her a little tap on the bottom..

Answer 8

You need to modify your own behaviour so that your daughter's behaviour reflects your own respectful, polite and calm actions. She can only act on what she sees and if she sees and hears you being rude to people, that's what she'll think of as normal. My daughter's two on Sunday and she's cheeky, but will always say please and thank you and behave in a pleasant way - I've always tried to speak to other people in a nice way, and I hope she'll do the same. Don't forget that you are their primary source of learned behaviour and they are like a big sponge, soaking it all up. Treat her with repspect and she'll learn, in time, to respect other people.

I would also suggest a part-time nursery place, so she can learn to socialise and behave herself in a structured environment, where children and adults respect each other.

Answer 9

She is seeking attention.

However, where does she know swear words from?
Where does she know the word minger from?

She plays you off against each other because you don't publicly back each other up.

She has respect for your parents, but not for you or your partner.

Answer 10

This may be an attention defect or it may be a typical 2 year old - hang in there and stay calm - do suppernanny's tricks - have you seen this - it's very effective - My sister uses her techniques for her son.

Look on the link - some very helpful advice

Answer 11

U should of been better parents children at the age of 2 should not swear U probably do thats where they got it froM!!!