How can a 4 year old have depression because she can't go to the school of her choice?

Question

On the news today there is a case of a 4 year old who has "depression" because her local school has no room for her, and this is where her friends go. She has to go to a different school. I think the parents must be building this up at home instead of concentrating on being positive about the new school, and the new friends she will make. What do you think?

A doctor on the BBC said that a lot of these cases are caused by the feelings of the parents influencing the children, and that she has had to deal with parents who are trying to use the medical profession to get their children in the schools of their choice...wasting the time of overworked GP's.

I do recognise though that children can suffer from depression. There was a case of a 3 year little boy who saw his Father murdered, and was left alone with the body for days. He didn't speak for months afterwards and was clearly traumatised.

Answer 1

I gather that the parents actually like the school where she is. It is the child who clearly feels isolated and she did look pale and wan on the news. I am not sure it merited to be on the national news though.The press must have been short of material yesterday.

In my career I have met quite a few children who suffered from school refusal symptoms and usually it is because they cannot cope with the circumstances they find themselves in, the tasks they are given, or they are intimidated by classmates.
Parents who cave in are in for a long haul.
The most successful mother I know kept bringing back her daughter to school and refused to let her come home. Eventually the girl did settle in and now she is a highly qualified graduate.
The least successful was the mother who found all sorts of excuses for her daughter, who missed several years of schooling and now moons around at home doing nothing instead of trying to get a job.

Answer 2

As some others have alluded to, it is what is called referred depression. The parents are depressed because their daughter won't be in the "school with a name/reputation/whatever". The parents also suffer from low self-esteem, because why would they make something like this public, if not to gain attention for themselves?

An interesting point here is that in ten or 15 years, the girl will no doubt be diagnosed with severe depression, and the parents can ignorantly claim that it was the fault of this first school's inability to accommodate their daughter. And no-one will stop to think how this girl's life would have turned out, had her parents not publicized this relatively minor event in the media.

Some people should definitely not be parents.

Addendum: How many really close friends does a four-year-old have? Ones which would cause depression to set in if permanent contact with them was impossible?

Answer 3

Having seen the parents on TV, I think they are the ones that need to go to school! The child is obviously picking up from their negative attitudes.
I should imagine that the Dr who diagnosed this is under a lot of pressure, especially if those parents are anything to go by. I would hate to see just how many people that Dr has signed off on the sick due to 'stress related' illness, so they can get their incapacity allowance or whatever it is these days.

The Social Services need to slap a parenting order on those 2 morons, get their child to A SCHOOL, ANY SCHOOL and be done with it. There are nations out there where education is a luxury and there are children who would give their lives to get 1 years education at ANY school. I find it disgusting that spoiled brat parents blackmail schools, and manipulate the health care professionals and the media just to get their own way.

Answer 4

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 5

Come on! That story is just rediculous. A 4 year old would not even know the difference in schools, unless the parents are continually telling her. If a 4-year-old is suffering from depression, its the parents who need a good looking at.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

It's natural for kids to be nervous at first before going to a new place, such as a school, where they will meet new people. For this to become an actual "depression" for this girl makes me think either her parents are a little too sensitive to her normal pre-school emotions, or she's got another problem or two that she should be seeing a therapist about.

Answer 8

The pressure put on children is unbelieavable. SATs testing, the choice of senior schools with parents screaming in the playground about their choice of school, etc etc. Many parents lose the plot.
I bet its more about the parents perception of what a "good school" is - there must be a reason why the school is over subscribed.

Answer 9

You're wrong. My daughter went through a similar situation. When she moved from her Preschool into Kindergarten (which had totally new students and teachers) she had a sort of nervous break down. Her teachers called almost daily telling us that she wouldn't stop crying and was disturbing the other students.

Originally we thought she was just having separation anxiety and took her to her pediatrician to get some ideas on how to deal with it. Her pediatrician told us that she needed to see a psychologist.

When she went to see a child psychologist (they are trained to talk to and understand children this young) it was revealed that she was very upset that she was no longer with her old friends and teachers.

After a few months of counseling (not medication) she started to make new friends, stopped crying, and was no longer sad all the time.

She's now nine and basically a happy girl.

Answer 10

How Can I Tell if My Child Is Depressed?

The symptoms of depression in children vary. Early medical studies focused on "masked" depression, where a child's depressed mood was evidenced by acting out or angry behavior. While this does occur, particularly in younger children, many children display sadness or low mood similar to adults who are depressed. The primary symptoms of depression revolve around sadness, a feeling of hopelessness, and mood changes and may include:


Irritability or anger
Continuous feelings of sadness, hopelessness
Social withdrawal
Increased sensitivity to rejection
Changes in appetite -- either increased or decreased
Changes in sleep -- sleeplessness or excessive sleep
Vocal outbursts or crying
Difficulty concentrating
Fatigue and low energy
Physical complaints (such as stomachaches, headaches) that do not respond to treatment
Reduced ability to function during events and activities at home or with friends, in school, extracurricular activities, and in other hobbies or interests
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Impaired thinking or concentration
Thoughts of death or suicide

Not all children have all of these symptoms. In fact, most will display different symptoms at different times and in different settings. Although some children may continue to function reasonably well, most kids with significant depression will suffer a noticeable change in social activities, loss of interest in school and poor academic performance, or a change in appearance. Children may also begin using drugs or alcohol, especially if they are over the age of 12.

It really disgusts me when adults think that just because you are little you cannot feel in ways that are just as harmful or hurtful as they do. Kids as young as four have committed suicide, murder and yes they get depressed. ALthough I do not think that the parents should have gone public with this type of story it was most likely to put pressure on the school, forcing them to accept her there.