i cheated on him & married his friend?

Question

I was comitted to a guy for 4 yrs.it was'nt a very stable relationship but we had accepted each other. He sometimes had hit me too, abused me too but after a lot of fighting we used to conclude that we cant stay without each other. it was going like this until I met his friend, who was mature, stable, &..
He liked me in first go.But I was very firm that I will not leave my BF,despite the new guy was caring, loving, understanding.gradualy I started disliking my bf.this new guy stayed near my place & I used to go there quite often,One night we ended up sleeping together & really IT WAS MY BEST time Till then.. I couldn't tell my bf next day,I cried a lot cos I had cheated him. after sum time I brokeoff with my bf & married the new guy. Its been an year but till today My husband has never fought with me,he's really nice & i luv him.but sumtimes those bouts of guilt come to my mind. whenevr i learn that my ex is very upset &taking antidepressants,I feel terrible.How do I cope with guilt

Answer 1

There is nothing to be guilty about. Its not to make you feel better but it is what I really think. You made a wise decision when you broke off a relationship that could have made your life a hell as long as you live. Sometimes, when we become committed to someone, we stick to them by force of habit. There was no reason that you needed to give him another chance after four years. He was already taking you for granted and there was no reason that he could hit you or be abusive to you and perhaps it is more sort of his ego problem that is leading to his depression. Quit thinking about him and enjoy your life. You were lucky that you found a loving person who saved you from taking a wrong turn, while there are so many other girls who do not get this opportunity and sacrifice theri happiness just because they think that they were being virtuous. They bear ill-use for years and their children have to suffer too and then, finally they do have to divorce or run away but not always with a loving one to help them sort out things. You should instead be happy for yourself for God intervened and saved you from a life full of pain and from the shadow of an unpredictable person.

Answer 2

In the 4 years that you were together, he didn't make a move toward a commitment. So, it ended up with you moving on, to greener fields. I see nothing really wrong with this, as there was a lack of a promissory future there. Neither of you, it seems, were ready for a further commitment. So, I would move forward, and accept that you chose a different road, due to lack of any promise in any direction.
Your ex is really responsible for his own actions. If he is being irresponsible, that has nothing to do with you.
Move on and let it go now. Have a happy life with the man who you have a marriage with.

Answer 3

You found the right one and married him, it's as simple as that. The guilt is not going to change you former boyfriend's current situation, or the way you feel about the unstable, violent relationship you once shared with him. However, this guilt IS in danger of ruining your marriage if you don't stop brooding about the past. Unless, of course, you want the best of both worlds and want to be with your ex again, sometimes...
Love the one you're with and steer clear of a potentially dangerous... even disasterous... triangle.

Answer 4

Of course youre going to feel guilt, but you guys weren't happy together!!! He was ABUSIVE!!! what's even more painful then phsical abuse if emotional abuse, because the wounds are harder to heal!! You left him for a great reason, NOT THE NEW GUY, BUT FOR YOUR SELF!!! You have a heart, great, but you are married NOW! Don't let your guilt for what your ex is going through, DESTROY your marriage with an amazing guy. You deserve more in life. would u be happy going back to your ex? if your sane, of course not, be happy.

Answer 5

You should talk to your ex. It's not your fault and your fault at the same time. It was very wrong that he abused you, but you should've broke up with your boyfriend before going out with this new guy. Actually, talk to a psychologist before going to your boyfriend, or more specifically a marriage counselor. I know your marriage isn't failing, but the counselor might have some good ideas on how to cope and how to talk to your ex.

Answer 6

You have no reason to feel guilty. You need to stop finding out what your ex is up to and move on with your life. Sure, it was wrong for you to cheat on him, but your ex was abusive and if you hadn't cheated, then you wouldn't have met your husband who sounds like a great guy. Stop feeling guilty and embrace your relationship with your husband. You don't owe your ex a thing.

Answer 7

Talk to him nicely and explain to him what u feel but of course u should talk to your hubby bout it before u approach ur ex.
If u've tried ur best and he still like that then u shouldn't feel guitly coz u just can't control feelings and destiny too much. Both of you just not meant to be.. beside, I'm absolutely agree he doesn't deserve u since he abused u before...
take it easy and enjoy your lovely life with ur hubby, ur x is ur past..

Answer 8

You did a terrible thing you can cheat on your guy but not with his friend and let me warn there is no marriage which is perfectly smooth with no problems that husband of yours is doing something thats why you never argue he has someone to cry on believe me.

Answer 9

Don't feel guilty hon, it's not your fault that he hit you and abused you, is it? He had his chance and blew it! He's only upset that you would not put up with his nasty way's! Forget him! And go and have a good life with your real man! And think about this! No bruises!!!!! You have a real good day hon!

Answer 10

I think if he hit you and was abusive it is normal to feel sorry for our abuser, its some wierd control thing abuseres do. Be glad your out of it and try to adjust to being happy .your ex probly needed anti depressants before he even met you.