what do you do when?

Question

i have a beautiful 1&1/2 year old daughter and a beautiful 4 month old son,... the problem is though that my family is obcessed with my daughter meaning they buy her EVERYTHING and want to take HER everywhere, and the only talk about my son and call him joe jr. after my hubby which isnt even his name... then my hubby's family is OBCESSED with my son, they get him everything and would rather have him over all the time..... what is wrong with this picture??? what the crap should i do??? should i leave it the way it is so they both end up getting attention from someone in the family...im so confused

i REALLY didnt WANT to add this but i think it's critical to give this so you can state your opinion... my daughter isnt my husbands, and they dislike my husband..... my son is my husbands, and thats y i think his parents are more for him than her....does that help any?

Answer 1

What you probably have with your family is that your little girl is the first one, and she's old enough to be able to enjoy what they give her. Chances are when your little boy gets a little older they'll do the same. Many people see infants as too young to do things for. The mother may know the difference, but the reality is the baby doesn't really know the difference right now. Neither does your little girl.

The calling him by the wrong name is a separate issue; and you should calmly tell them you want him to learn his own name and are asking them to please use his real name.

It is, unfortunately and maybe not nicely, natural that the biological grandparents will be interested in their biological grandchild. Right now your little girl isn't old enough to now the difference, and maybe they're just enjoying their brand new grandson a mere four months after he was born. Chances are these people will also moderate their behavior as the children get a little older.

You could mention - somewhere along the way - that although the children have different fathers you're hoping all family members will treat them equally in order for them to feel like they are "one family" right from the start.

Your family may always kind of have some extra "sympathy" for your daughter because she could seem to them to be "odd man out" when it comes to you, your husband, and your new baby. Your family may be trying to make sure she continues to get "Big Cheese" attention, particularly since she's still only a baby.

For now, try to remember neither baby is old enough to realize what is going on when it comes to all the relatives and try to remember what they're all doing could be a temporary thing. Everyone needs to get used to two babies and apparently a new husband, etc. It takes a little time to get a "system" established with new family situations.

Over time, keep your eye on what seems to be going on. If its too lopsided talk to the family about it. If its a little lopsided find ways to make it seem like one child is getting special time with so-and-so in order for the other child to have special time alone with the other so-and-so. You can spin it in a way that the children will see it as nice. Just make sure you don't allow horrible favoritism go on.

Answer 2

It might be tough, but mentioning the problems to your children's grandparents. They may be so smitten with one child that they don't even notice that they aren't giving the other child as much love and attention. Perhaps a meeting with you and your husband, your parents, and his parents, but make sure the kids are being babysat at a friend or neighbors because they will cause distraction. Express your concerns to them and practice what you are going to say to your husband and be prepared for questions and comments they may have. Also, maybe you could arrange time for your parents to babysit or spend time with your son and arrange time for your daughter to spend with your husbands parents. I can't imagine that your families are doing this intentionally. And perhaps a small break from the grandmas and grandpas would be best for everybody to re-evaluate the situation.

Answer 3

Your daughter's grandparents will continue doting on her only, as will your son's grandparents with him. This will cause animosity between the children eventually, and the grandparents apparently don't see this. Advice here is to seek professional help asap, before things get worse. You are the central link in all of this, and the children are both yours, regardless of who's the daddy or grandparents.Get some pro help with this, and good luck!

Answer 4

You as a Mother should make up for the attention that they don't get. If one family is placing emphasis on one child, then you have to make up for it yourself. It's is very cruel of the people involved, as your children are bound to feel this eventually. Have you brought it to your husband's attention? Maybe it's about time you did.

Answer 5

You need to politely tell both sets of grandparents that they have 2 grandchildren. Your children are not old enough to notice now, but when they are older, they will feel left out by one set of grandparents. It is not fair to your children. The grandparents need to be confronted about this behavior. They may not even realize what they are doing, so be gentle and polite, but it needs to be brought to their attention.

Answer 6

I had near the same problem, I just had to come out and say, you know you have a gran son/daughter too. I felt weird about it,but I did not want my children to feel left out of the picure as they got older.

Answer 7

dont keep quite tell both parties you dont like it and remind them of the other kid