i have a severe problem with my MOTHER?

Question

mymotherasked me to let her accompany me to my sons dr. appointment monday, my son has some medical problems and she wanted to go with me just to see what they would say so i agreed... they told us that they were going to schedule 3 appointments for 3 more doctors offices and they would call ME... the doctors office never called me back, because my mother had the nerve to call up there and ask them the dates and tell the nurse she would be taking me to these doctor appointments because "me and my husband arent responsible enough to do it ourselves" she called so many times today that when i finally got ahold of someone they told me that if i didnt ask her to stop calling that they would have to reccommend me to another pediactrics.... i HATE this, and i hurt my moms feelings when i told her me and my husband were taking OUR son and that i didnt want her to go with us... what the crap should i do???

i also forgot to add the fact that my husbands mom works at the piediactrics and shes just as bad but she knows everything anyway and my mom calls HER to get her information... and she talksso much crap when she calls down there cause she thinks we "lie" to her about things, so she tries to pry it out of his mom and sometimes his mom gives in so she will shut up.....there is so much effin drama in my life :(

Answer 1

You need to tell your mom to stay the h-ll out of your personal lives and leave the raising of your son to you and hubby. Tell her you both managed to make him yourselves and you can pretty much raise him without her help.
Then, you need to tell his mom that she is in violation of the HEPA Privacy Act and that she can lose her job for giving out a patients private medical information to an unauthorized person. Then, I would talk to the Doctor and tell him what is going on and tell him that you or hubby want to be the only ones who receives information about your sons medical history and any future doctors appts.
You also need to make sure that the receptionists at the front desk understand that you and hubby are the only ones who will schedule and attend any doctors appts. and that you have not authorized your mother to receive any information or make any appts.. and that they should just hang up on her when she calls and refuse to discuss anything with her. If she continues to call, then they need to call the telephone company and complain...not threaten to make you get a new doctor since it is not your fault that she is calling so much.

Answer 2

This behavior suggests your Mother is trying to control you and/or your son. Could she have a secret she doesn't want someone to tell the Dr?

In the United States about 8 years ago a medical privacy and confidentiality act called HIPAA was passed to protect medical information about a patient. The Dr., clinic, and staff are not allowed to share information with anyone but YOU, (the parents of a minor child), and the PATIENT, (your minor child), without proper written consent. The Dr. and the clinic staff are at risk because of this.

Tell your Mother you love her, and know she's worried. Then offer to give written permission to the Dr. and his staff to share information with her about your son, but only if she backs off on calling them, stops insisting on coming with you, and stops badmouthing you to your Dr.'s office, your Mother-in-Law, and others.

DO mention that you don't want the Dr.'s office to take out a restraining order against her, you, your husband, or your son.

If she seems to regret her behavior and she agrees to "behave", stick to your word and put her name on a letter giving the Dr's office permission to share information with her. This should relieve some of her fears, and she should feel somewhat included, but will know who is really in control now and where the limits are. If this doesn't work, you may have to consider legal action and you could be forced to go to another clinic or Dr. Remember, you can withdraw your permission any time! Make sure Mom knows this too.

Answer 3

Responsibility lies with the doctors/office they had no right to give private patient information to anyone but the parent which is you and if they refused to treat i would take it further to the medical association....none of this should have happened and also you are allowing your mother to walk all over you which is eventually going to damage your marriage and furthermore it is not good for a child to be bought up in a situation where he sees his grandmother controlling his parents.Change the appointments DO NOT GIVE HER THE TIMES and tell the office staff at the doctors to keep their traps shut.Stand up and be a parent for goodness sake. If you allow the situation to happen you have to deal withthe consequences...good luck

Answer 4

Nothing, your mother should be flat out told. Look legally they could have gotten in a whole lot of trouble for that but they were nice and gave you information btw i did not appreciate.. You pay them back by calling them over and over again. They said if you continue they will drop our son as a patient. . Do not call them ever again. You do not overide my decision on anything when it comes to do with my son. it was not your place at all to rearange my schedulled appointment. i heard what you said about me and my husband not being responsible. athat was low class. .... If you ever do it in front of my son, we will have to reevaluate how much a part if any you should play in his life.


Tone it down a bit but yeah that will do

Answer 5

Here, in Australia, what your mother is doing, would be seen as breeching confidentiality. Doing so is illegal. The staff at the medical practices would also be breeching confidentiality passing your sons' personal info. on to her. Also, as you are the boys parents, you would have solely the legal right to access such information, if he's under the 'legal' age of consent.
Tell her to mind her own business and that you will inform her, with what you want to tell her, in good time.

Answer 6

It sounds as though your mother is genuinely concerned about her grandson, just as you are. Though her concern is being expressed overdramatically and she's stepping over parental boundaries.

It's time for a heart to heart talk with your mother. Tell her how you understand her concern, that you know she cares about him, but gently remind her that, as his parent, you will take care of him. Let her know that you won't leave her in the dark, that you'll fill her in on anything serious. Be calm and non-confrontational, but be firm. Building some trust and communication will keep her from trying to take matters into her own hands.

Answer 7

Shame on the doctors for talking out on you they way your mother kept calling them . I would tell them, and you are in your right as a parent on a minor child, that your doctors office to ONLY talk to YOU or YOUR husband. That if your mother calls they are with in their right to hang up the phone on her.

SHAME on your mother for telling a total stanger that you and your husband arent responsible. SHAME on her.

You mother will get over her hurt feelings. You son is your responsibilty and if she is not comfortable with that then she is the one with the problem.

As a mother I have to stop myself sometime from really butting in when it comes to my daughter and her son. I sometimes forget that he is HER son and not mine.

Maybe you need to tell her that a few times. He is yours and your husbands son and not hers.

Good luck.

Answer 8

first off i would contact another peds. doctor. one that your mother -in -law does not work at. then i would not tell either of the mothers who the new doctor is. explain to both of them that from now on you will call them and let them know what is going on with the child. even if your mother in law finds out through her job what doctor you are now going to, she does not work for that new one and they will not give her any information.

Answer 9

You should tell your Mother that you appreciate her trying to help and you love her but this is your son and he is you and your husbands responsibility not hers. And stand firm. She has no right to try and control your life and she will if you don't stop her now.

Answer 10

I CAN RELATE!!!!!! So sorry you're going through this...no advice, sorry. I've been there and you can't win. You end up inadvertently hurting someones feelings and it always comes back to kick you in the a**.