alternetive to spanking?

Question

i have twin two-year old boys and they threw a double trouble at me today (not literally) and they both started screaming and tearing the house apart i ended up having to spank one of them (the other sat in time out) because he refused to have a time out i didnt spank him hard it was just to show him i wasnt bluffing i felt so bad afterwards and its the first time i did it i never want to do it again but what if my boys try that again with me what do i do as punishment when they keep running out of time out before times up?

Answer 1

You know what? We all feel bad when we spank our kids. Spanking should be put off as a last resort, but there are times when kids need to know limits and spanking does get their attention. It usually is the shock of the sound of a slap on plastic diapers or fabric that freaks them out. For some, that's all that's needed. But, for some very "special" kids, a firm swat on the backside - just a pop - is really in their best interest. Some rules:

1) never hit the face or head.
2) one stroke of physical contact - hand to backside - is acceptable.
3) any repeated hitting in anger or rage is counterproductive and will evoke fear and possible trauma.
4) the goal is to get attention and make an immediate impression to change behavior, not to establish dominance or satisfy some mutant parental need to visit YOUR parents wrath on your offspring.

You're doing fine, mom. Hang in there.

Answer 2

First of all, there is a huge difference between abuse and spanking.
I was a very rebellious/belligerent child from the get-go. Putting me in my room or in a "time out" didn't work; I would just defy them and walk right back out. Because of this, everyone spanked me... my grandfather said that he spanked me more than all his children and grandchildren put together. I believe if they had not spanked me, I would have ended up in prison or worse. As it is, I have had zero infractions of the law in my life (not even a speeding ticket). But, they also gave me lots and lots of positive reinforcement (that is just as important). I love them with all my heart and I'm so glad they wailed on my bottom... I really needed it.
Those people who give those rubbishy arguments against spanking don't have a clue. I have a super high self-esteem and spanking didn't teach me to hit... I got spanked for hitting people. Look at how the children are ending up these days. Just how many school shootings, violence, rebellion, etc. have we had from children who were not spanked? As people quit spanking more and more, these things will continually go up more and more. Just look at the statistics from back in the days when people spanked. Spare the rod...

Answer 3

First of all, when you put them in time-out and the one refuses to, calmly keep putting him back. Lead him by the end in a matter-of-fact way. Don't say anything. Actions speak louder than words. He'll get it that you're serious.

It's time for some preventive discipline. Make sure your twins have enough time outside, at the park, to be loud, run around and play. Especially boys need to get their energy out, but obviously you need to teach them the appropriate way to do so. Whenever your children are doing something you don't want them to do, try changing the environment. Take them outside.

Tell them, "inside we walk, outside we run". Repeat this as often as necessary. It may take longer, but it's respectful for all concerned, will stick better and they will have no bad feelings toward you. Maybe they'll be annoyed that you mean what you say at first, but they'll appreciate it later and bask in its security. You don't need to spank to get your point across. Always say what you mean and mean what you say.

Answer 4

I am going to paste what I wrote a couple of days ago to a woman in almost the exact same boat. BEST ANSWER! YAY! here ya go.. sorry so long*
Sounds like you are having problems! I am a teacher, and I control a whole class with just my voice, so it can be done without touching your child. I say this because if you are really stressed out, you could overreact and spank just because something is bothering you. Here is what you do. Since there are 2 of them, Go to the store and pick out 2 rugs. These are the time out rugs. I say buy rugs because you can take them wherever you go! Chairs you cannot. Bring them to Grandmas, or a family function.. When the kids realize that you have it with you, they will know that you are not beyond using them elsewhere. They are to be put in a part of the house that there isnt a TV, or a radio on. No window to look out, and nothing for them to do. Tell them when they do something wrong, that they are to go to their time out rug. They are to sit there, facing the wall, and to be quiet. If they cry and scream, let them. This lets them know that YOU are in charge. If they get up, bring them back. Make sure not to escalate the situation. If they scream, then you whisper. They want to hear what you have to say, so they will lower their voice. When the time out is over.. usualy once min per year that the child is old starting at age 2- talk to them and let them know why you are upset. Tell them a better way to behave. Tell them the concequences of their actions. ALWAYS finish with a hug.. that lets them know that you still love them and it helps them if they are doing it for your attention. The other thing that you can do is take things away. Take away tv time, a fav toy, or whatever means alot to them. I have heard of parents being so over whelmed that they took out everything in their room but their bed and pillow. I think this is over doing it, but it shows that you are not messing around. Always talk in a quiet voice so that when you do have to yell, that they know that you are mad. My daughter knows when I am really mad when I yell.. and she knows when to stop her behavior. When you talk to them, make sure that you stoop down on the floor to their level. Make sure that what they want isnt your attention. Some children act out for attention, if they cant get good attention, they will act out for bad attention.. Just remember, YOU are the adult. Good Luck

Answer 5

kids need to be spanked at times. you know, don't just spank them because they didn't pick up a toy or little stuff like that. but like you said they started screaming and tearing the house apart, that deserves a spanking. they need to know that you are the boss and they do have to listen to you. you will most likely have to spank them many more times, but it helps in raising them. when i was little, i hated when my mom spanked me, or disciplined me period. but looking back, i am so glad she did. i am 18 years old. i see so many other people my age who are pretty much out of control. i have told my mom thank you on several occasions. you may feel bad, but it needs to be done. i am sure you have heard the saying "spare the rod, spoil the child". it doesn't mean to not spank your kid and spoil them, it means spank your kid as needed so they will not become spoiled.

Answer 6

Time outs. Sometimes kids do not sit in the spot you tell them to so sit with them on your lap for a few mins while your watching your tv programs they will get so bored they will want to go play. Explain that they have to behave or they go back in time out on mommy's lap LOL

Answer 7

I would certainly hope you felt bad, all you managed to do rather than show him you weren't bluffing was that it is okay to hit, to resort to violence when one is angry and frustrated. So when he turns around and smacks someone upside the head at school because HE is angry you're going to tell him what? That he's not supposed to hit? But mommy YOU hit me when you are angry. I suggest longer time outs. Or get them a child gate for their bedroom door, put them in their bedroom and you walk away. Part of the reasons they throw fits is for YOUR attention...if you don't give it they have no reason to start up. Then you'd have no reason to teach that hitting is okay.

Answer 8

Natural consequences of actions works better than spanking in my books. Spanking just teaches kids that hitting is ok. Consequences is a hard concept for very little kids. When they are very young have rewards for good behaviours and take good things away for bad. There is so much good stuff we give our kids that they only deserve when they are behaving properly. Exciting cearal, TV, toys, computer games, treats, etc are all good things that belong to parents which we give to our kids. I have found it works really well.

Answer 9

first you done the damage and now your saying that you are feeling bad..i think you should talk with them sit with them and tell them to behave give them a lechture telling them why its wrong to act out in house but in a poliete and stern voice and also tell them that you dont feel happy when they do that...damn it gonna help...try!

Answer 10

time out