Mom Problems?

Question

Okay, me and my mom got along well because my dad was really never home, but four years ago we moved in with him permantly. About two years later I find out that I have a half brother and sister. And then a year later I find out that my mom was married before she met my dad. Now I dont have a problem with any of this, but when I finally brought this up she denied that she even knew the man. Whats the big deal for lying about it, and our relationship has been awful. I try to be as good as I can, but she always finds fault and now she tells me about promises that I made when I was three. Promises that stated that we would always live together, not going away for college... I cant handle her anymore and is getting really annoyed that she wont admit anything. I want to tell her that if she doesn't want to be honest with me to just go away, but I'm not sure what to do. HELP

Answer 1

Perhaps she should have been more honest with you about the first husband. BUT, remember, she may still have pain and heartache about it. Did he pass away, was circumstances so that they couldn't stay together, did something really bad happene to him or did he do something. The hurt and pain could still be so unbearable that she can't discuss it. don't be so cruel and judgemental. She's your mom.

Answer 2

Wow! I can't believe she's trying to manipulate the situation by bringing up promises you made when you were 3. Every child makes promises or speculations at that age. Even my own son (who is 7) promises that we will be together forever and that he will never leave me, move out, or run off to college. But I know that this is just because the thought of having to leave home is scary at the age of 7. When he's 18 it's going to be a whole different ball park! lol But I'm not going to hold him to his promise!! And you're mom shouldn't either.

It's possible that the thought of you leaving is scaring her. Just gently remind her that those promises were made when you were 3...and emphasize 3! You have to get out on your own sometime. And even though you two are apart, you'll always be together, in heart. As an added bonus, there's phone calls and letters!! ;o)

As far as your family history goes...it's possible she deny's knowing the previous husband because she's ashamed...or perhaps it was such a horrible experience that she prefers not to remember it or talk about it at all. Maybe she feels that since it all happened before you were born that it doesn't concern you and it's none of your business. I really don't know what is going on in her head. Whatever the case may be, you should confront her once more. But perhaps approach it differently than you have before (the approach can make a big difference). I do believe you deserve an explaination of your family history, but if she STILL clams up and denies it ever happend, then leave it alone. You won't get far by pressing her on it all the time. Sometimes you just have to let nature take it's course, be patient and when the time is right, she will enlighten you.

Hope this helps, even just a little. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Your mom can't--and shouldn't--hold you to promises you made when you were three. I remember when I was 3, we had dinner with a nice college student cousin, then took her back to her college dorm, where she ran inside and that was it. Later when I was trying to get to sleep I got all panicked that my parents were going to send me away to live alone in a dorm someday! I cried and made my mother promise she would never send me away, and she said I'd never have to go away to college if I didn't want to (she must've been really smiling). Of course, from about the age of 15 I couldn't WAIT to be on my own... also normal!

Maybe she's feeling abandoned because you're getting your own life now, but you can keep doing that important job, just be nice to her. Next time she tries to hold you to such an ancient promise, tell her a three-year-old's promises aren't binding. :-) But give her a hug and tell her you'll always love her.

If it starts to feel really ugly and stressful, talk to your school counselor or social worker. Might be a good idea under the circumstances with all the things that are concerning you. Good luck.

Answer 4

The important thing is not to say things that you will regret. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and sometimes they don't want to admit that to you. Sometimes they are unreasonable. This happens with all people. If possible, it is often better to let it go and avoid conflict. But if someone has really overstepped a boundary in the way they address you or the things they say, it can be necessary to advise them that you are not okay with that. If you do this, try not to be accusatory or inflammatory, and stick to the facts. Don't dredge up things from the past, even if others do so. If your mom continues to harbor unreasonable expectations about your future, you may have to make clear the reality. If it is really bothering you, you might want to have a talk with her about what specifically is the problem.

Answer 5

Wow, that is a lot for you to handle. If your Mom was married before she was with your Dad & your fine with it then it shouldn't matter to her. She may feel as if it isn't important to the relationship you have with her. Then again she may feel that now that you know who she was before she was your Mom, that she has to be overcompensating. If she is giving you a guilt trip about wanting your own life & wanting to go away for school, she may just be trying to protect you from making a mistake. What you need to do is sit down & talk to her about what is going on. If she continues what she is doing you may want to get your Dad involved.

Answer 6

No it particularly is no longer approximately your being a teenaager , fairly it particularly is a pair of mom being fearful of this international and what ought to take place . She is terrified for you her daughter with the aid of fact she loves you . She seems to have a reason to be afraid for you . You reported on the beginning up which you have been a teenager with a wild social existence . That even frightens me . That wild social existence is why I completely agree which incorporate your mom , She is familiar with what ought to take place to you in case you nevertheless have a wild existence type. is probably no longer precisely what you needed to take heed to I purely it enables you already know why your mom feels the way she does good success and God bless

Answer 7

Your mother is living in her ideal fantasy world, one husband, one perfect daughter. Many women do this when they really messed up on a first marriage. She almost pulled it off.
If you just stop bugging her about her former failure of a marriage I am sure she will become more pleasant.
Think of it this way... if you said something really stupid in school and everyone laughed at you, would you want everyone to keep bringing it up years latter? Probably not.
There is no need for you to know the details of her former life, and you she probably is incapable of giving you the truth anyways (her way of dealing with the whole mess).

Answer 8

Your mom is your mom! You only have one, she can not be replaced by anyone. You have to tell yourself this. This is just a guilty faze that she may be going through and maybe she thinks you hate for for it. Talk to her do not yell, Tell her that you love her no matter what. about the lying I really do not think it will change she is to old to change, and the ways have been set. You both will get through this, I am sure it will pass! I do think she needs to stop pointing the finger and look in the mirror........
Best of luck to you! Follow your heart!

Answer 9

Honey, this is your mom and I know you are very frustrated with her and the situation, but just remember time heals all wounds... she will, one day when she faces the truth herself, be totally honest with you. Give her a chance to "get over it" herself and be patient. There really are some things parents just can't tell their children, for fear of rejection by their children! And her insecurity with her life will feed into your life, but, before you descide to "go away" weigh all the facts, make sure you know what you are doing is right for you regardless of your mom!!

Answer 10

Hi,
sorry you are going to all that,but what I would like to tell you,she is your Mom,I know its hard for you,I know how you feel,but I think you have to go alone for a While,move away,and when you are not there,I know she will miss you,you know your Parents are not always smarter then you.You seem to care,you are sweet,just keep going,I am sure,in 10 years you will be happy to have each other,keep your Head up,don't worry,Ks