I need some advise on my 11 year old daughter?

Question

My 11 year old daughter has everything a child could want, She has 2 dads and 2 moms very much loved. Has no chores to do as I do them while she is in school.So she can come straight home and do her homework. She gets real snotty and short with me and her step dad. Will not with her real dad.I don't understand this at all. I give her the best life I can offer her and a better life than I ever had when I was a child.She has a pc in her room a playstation 2 a colored t.v. I mean everything. But how can I help her not to get snotty with me or my husband and appreciate things we give her. I know she loves us but I want her to show and let her know it is o.. to show it. I don't always want to see or deal with her anger.

Answer 1

You and I have that in common. My daughter is 11 and doing the same thing. I am a single mom with only one, she is a diabetic and I have given her all I had and way more. She is totally disrespectful and I am seeking counseling. I have taken all of her privileges away, made her write 10 x each definitions of certain words (that took a week in her room to finish 5 words) like vulgar, disrespect, profanity, insubordination, and deceitful. I am about to strip her room of all but her clothes, and bed of course....

Answer 2

Wow!!! First of all, let me tell you I'm a parent of a fifteen year old. I've been through the wringer several times. Do you remember puberty? You're daughter is probably struggling with the way she's feeling about herself right now, too. She probably doesn't want to be angry and nasty all the time. She might need to see a doctor. Also, explain to her that you understand she might be going through some things she doesn't understand, but that she has to tone down the attitude with you and your husband. If the behavior continues, take one of her most beloved objects out of her room for a time. She probably should have some kind of chore around the house, too. It might even make her feel more like part of the family to help out. Even if it's just a once a week chore. Hope the parenting job gets a little easier for you soon.

Answer 3

first off, i'm around that age, and i have chores,and a lot of responsibilities, i never get snotty with my 2 moms or 2 dads, and i have things and i appreciate them all, but what you describe sounds like spoiling, not giving her a good life! I would, next time she got snotty, start to take away stuff and put it up where she cant get it! then when shes good,or straightens up her act, start to gradually give her things back! Hope this helped ma'am and i ment this with respect! And u might want to make up a small chore list at first, then slowly add a little more on it(dont over load) until your not cleaning and doing all the work!

Answer 4

Family counseling and personal counseling for her and you are needed. Look you want the best for her and because of this you have given her everything including the idea that she can crap all over you! Chores are a good thing! They teach kids skills. Toys and TVs are great but what kids really want are their parents. She maybe getting snotty at you because she may want your time and this maybe her way to get it. She gets snotty at you, you get angry and she has your time! Talk to a shrink and set some time a few days a week to talk to her or do some activity with her or the three of you watching a movie she picks out. Okay so it's going to be some teen drivel but at least she'll probably ease up on you. I know I was a real snot when I was fourteen to sixteen and That twas because I was in high school and my parents thought they could extend their office hours and cut our family time. Kids/teens don't talk about things they react to them.
good luck!

Answer 5

Discipline. I know you may not like it and she DEFINETELY won't but it's the only way. That's what my parents do when I'm being snotty. Take away her P.C. or playstation two. When she doesn't say Thank You for something say that you'd like her to. If she doesn't share something the next time she asks you for something say "I"m not going to SHARE MY money". Make her start doing chores as a punishment and tell her you won't deal with this kind of talk. Seriously I know we kids hate it but tell her about when you were growing up. How much better she has it. IF nothing works you can always go with the whole grounding thing and take away ALL her privelages that will definetely get her attention.

Answer 6

She doesn't have everything she could possibly want. You are spoiling her with things. What she needs is your time, and her bio dad's time. Try to make some mom/daughter time doing things away from the house, just the two of you, where you can listen and she can talk (and vice versa). The time is so much more important than the things.

Most 11 year olds are snotty anyway (wait til she turns 15..you think you've got trouble now? ha).

Answer 7

I would suggest getting a book called "signs of sexual behavior" I'm not sure who the author is but it has sexual signs in it. There is also a sign language book called "signs of drug use" This book shows signs for drugs, alcohol and related materials. This is another necessary book for that time in a childs life. They need to know about the dangers of drugs. As for the talk about the periods, I would suggest maybe talking to a deaf woman and asking her how to explain it best in sign language. Maybe having a deaf woman explain it directly to her would be an option as well. Here is a "Gloss" of the way you could sign this conversation basically to your daughter. (a gloss is english words representing signs, just in case you didn't know that.) YOUR BODY SOON CHANGE WILL. YOU NEAR OLD CHANGE GIRL BECOME WOMAN. WOMEN HAVE PERIOD EVERY MONTH. PERIOD MEANS WHEN VAGINA BLEED. NOT HURT, BUT YOUR BODY MUST BLEED TO CLEAN ITSELF. (though this isn't a "technical" cleaning, it's the best way to explain that the lining of the uterus sheds when no egg is implanted into the uterus., which is why a woman has a period..) YOU MAYBE HAVE STOMACH CRAMPS. YOU NEED WOMAN THINGS. TAMPONS, AND PADS (these signs are in the sexual behavior book) I really hope this helps. I'm very glad that you are concerned and interested in your daughters language. Too often parents of deaf children learn no sign language whatsoever and depend completely on lip reading. So kudos for that! If all else fails, talk to your family doctor with your daughter and have an interpreter present. That may help a little because most interpreters are pretty good at explaining things to children in a way they can understand. If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me! I'd be more than willing to help. I do have the two books mentioned above and If you would like, I could scan some of the pages and email them to you.

Answer 8

It sounds like she is really hurt over your divorce and may just be crying out for attention.

Instead of buying her love with material things try to spend quality time with her. Maybe have a day for just the two of you to do something fun together. Go to the park and have a picnic, cook her favorite meal together etc.. Something special to help bring back your mother/daughter bond. If you invest more time into her then maybe her attitude will be more appreciative towards the things she has and more appreciative towards you.

As far as chores are concerned she is old enough to have a little responsibility and she may actually enjoy the fact that she can accomplish something that is expected from her.

I wish you luck and hope that things get better between you and your daughter.

Answer 9

It sounds like your daughter has a picture perfect life for the most part. but one bad problem with this is that she probably takes it all for grated. When she gets snotty with you or others take away some of the those nice things she takes for grated. She should have more respect for you and your wonderful nurturing you give her. Maybe some sit down family time and talking could help find out why she's so angry, and if she is unwilling to talk to you guys about her problem I suggust counciling for her or a thrid party she can talk to. With her age she's going through hormones can be to blame. Other then that you guys seem to be doing a good job with her. Be patient and understanding, communations a beautiful thing, along with teaching her reponsability for her actions towards other.

Answer 10

maybe you should try some good old fashion punishment for her bad behavior. not by giving her a TV. also she is 11 you said, why doesn't she have chores? when she is snotty with you or your husband, there needs to be punishment along with trying to find out why she is acting this way. communicate with her, her reason for being snotty with you today may not be the same reason she is snotty with you tomorrow. maybe you are so busy giving her TVs, VCR, and PC instead of giving her, you! why not after dinner have her do the dishes with you, it will give the two of you time to chat and at the same time she has done a chore.give it a try, and it would not hurt if your husband did something with her too. but as i said when she acts that way, she needs to have a punishment along with communication.

Answer 11

First of all, speaking as a mother of two grown daughters, you're not doing her any favours by spoiling her like that...the world isn't going to cater to her by giving her everything on a silver platter. I see NOTHING wrong with making kids work for extras, especially extravagant ones like you described she has,,,that might take care of the snotty attitude. I think she should also have regular chores, such as setting the table, cleaning her room, etc. That just helps her to know not to expect society to take care of her and to stand on her own two feet! I would take all of her fancy things away from her, personally, until she changed her attitude and became more respectful. This is just appalling!