Me and my husband have been married for 5 years may of 2007. We got married in the basement of city hall at the spur of the moment. I was eight months pregnant and we had been together 2 years. At the time we could not afford a wedding so we put it off. Now I feel we are financially stable and I wanted a wedding, so I told my husband. I explained to him that me and my dad would pay for it and he did not have to do anything but stand there. He told me no he is not going to have a wedding cause if we did not have one at first we don't need one now. I want to wear a wedding dress, and have a reception. Should I leave the issue alone or keep trying to convince my husband. As a woman I think I desrve a wedding. Am I wrong and what should I do. I had already started calling places and looking for the reception hall. Please help!
2006-11-07 13:15:22 · 27 answers · asked by Sexy Seductive T 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to try and talk to him sometime when he is calm and there is nothing stressful going on. Ask him why he is so against having a proper wedding? Explain to him that it is every little girl's dream to have a nice wedding. Tell him that he should be proud that you want to marry him again...this time in front of family and friends. Tell him that you want everyone to know that you are still very much in love with him and that okay, the first marriage was because of the baby coming...but this time, it is because you love him and your child and want to let everyone see that this was always a marriage of love and that you want to let everyone know it...complete with pictures and memories that you can show someday to your child so that she doesn't feel like she was the only reason that you got married.
Tell him that you have always wanted a real wedding...complete with everything.....but that you agreed to the quickie wedding way back then because it was the "proper" thing to do since you were having a baby to make sure that the baby was "legitimate" in the eyes of society. If he loved you enough to do that back then, then he should not deprive you of the dream that has been yours since you were a child.
Good Luck!!!!
2006-11-07 13:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i can understand why you want the big ceremony and long dress, its what every girl dreams of i think but remember its just a ceremony and most people that plan a big wedding always say that they wished they had just eloped. if your husband doesn't want to do it well that would certainly take the joy out of it and make it more stressful for you. if you didn't have a traditional ceremony i bet you didn't have a honeymoon either why don't you and your hubby take a romantic vacation and have a huge anniversary party when you get back??? you can still where a dress and your husband might feel more comfortable with the idea... he will definitely have to agree to what ever you do. While wedding ceremonies are nice they will NOT make your marriage any better and if your husband is that opposed to the idea it might make it worse you should definitely try to reach a compromise. good luck and congrats
2006-11-07 13:33:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are entitled to have the wedding of your dreams!! Do NOT let him say no, and drop the subject. The foundation of marriage is compromise, as you know. You need to talk to him. Find out exactly why he doesn't want a wedding. I know he said it was because he didnt have one the first time, why now. But circumstances are different. You also need to express to him how important this is to you.
Maybe he has a problem with involving your father and yourself. It sounds like you may make more money than him. This could be a pride issue. He may want to be able to pay for the wedding all my himself, and give you the wedding you so desire, but is unable at this time. But with you insisting that you and your father will pay for it, is insulting his manhood. This information you may not get out of him, (as you know men don't really talk about their feelings too much). Try to read his signals. Good Luck, I do hope you get your wedding though.
2006-11-07 14:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by ba13y13ea12 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every woman does want a wedding but at the same time I think woman should think of that before they get pregnant. Just because you get pregnant you don't have to get married. You are supposed to be married before you conceive a child not after your already pregnant those are the marriages that usually do not work. Do what you would like. Good Luck!
2006-11-08 03:22:13 · answer #4 · answered by I'm Married!!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck, most guys are a one time only regardless of type of wedding. Sure you don't need one now but it would be a fun party for the reception. Yes you do deserve a wedding. Maybe you could make it a renewal of vows. Keep trying to convince him but be gentle.
2006-11-07 13:34:01 · answer #5 · answered by bramblerock 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you sound a little like a spoiled little girl who missed out on a party. If your husband is so against it, then you may plan a wedding only to find the marriage over when it's done.
You certainly did the right thing by marrying and providing your child with a family and a married mother and father, and I commend you for your decision then and for deciding every day since then to honor your vows. Marriages are not about weddings. They are about waking up every day and deciding to honor your spouse and the vows you made to him.
Whatever his reasons, he is against the idea now. You do not have the right to jeopardize your child's home and family for a party that you think you deserve. Act like a responsible adult and realize that you are one of 3 members of this family, and your whims are not the guiding force in decision making.
2006-11-07 13:24:11 · answer #6 · answered by TXChristDem 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Maybe not a wedding, because you are already married, but possibly a vow renewal celebrating your 5 years of marriage. You can still wear a beautiful dress and have a lovely ceremony. GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-07 14:12:38 · answer #7 · answered by LondonNubie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being a bit inconsiderate. You have told him that he is not going to be paying for anything (in your words, all he has to do is stand there) and he still doesn't want to. He should consider the fact that it's your dream, as well as many women's to have a wedding. Ask him why he's so against it (I mean really against it, not "if we didn't have one then.." because that sounds like an excuse.) and try to work it out from there. There might be a different reason that he really doesn't want one. (money for other things, etc.)
2006-11-07 13:54:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT CALL IT OFF...why doesnt your husband want to partake in the wedding? you need to figure that out first because if you push him, it will only get worse. dont let him just give you no for an answer, you need solid proof. he is just sounding lazy to me anyway...
you need to explain to him that at first you didnt have enough money. now, you do. and as a woman, a wife and a mother, you two deserve a wedding. together. cake. friends. music. the whole thing. for god sakes, you could say you are renewing your vowes!!!
i hope you do continue to plan it. good luck!
2006-11-07 14:48:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just explain it to him if all he has to do is stand there i don't know why he'd be against it. maybe if you call it a vow renewal he won't be so intimidated by it. the word wedding can bring so many problems to mind and vow renewals are pretty simple. Perhaps if you promise to keep it your close family and friends and not go to huge either that would help.
2006-11-07 22:58:49 · answer #10 · answered by masterdvrsgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋