Latin Translation?

Question

I'm trying to translate the Emerson quote:

The sun only illuminates the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and heart of the child.

I translated it as:

Sol oculum homini solum illustat, sed in oculum et cordem infantis lucet.

Does that look about right? Does anyone have any suggestions for how to improve it, even if it's as simple as changing word order to make it more realistic?

Answer 1

My name mentioned? You are kind, Jeannie :)

To avoid the sol solum problem you might consider using a different kind of emphasis by using ipsum instead of solum. Alternatively, just by placing "oculum" emphatically at the start, you could probably leave out "solum" or "ipsum" altogether.

I also prefer illuminare over illustrare as the latter more often has the figurative meaning, 'illustrate' or 'explain'.

For "man" & "child", "vir" & "puer" are possible. "Puer" doesn't have to mean boy. If using "homo", "hominis" is needed here.
"Heart" is often rendered by pectus figuratively in prose. If you are going to use "cor" note that it is neuter and therefore does not have the form "cordem".

The meaning behind the second part of the quote may be better translated without attempting word for word so here are some ideas..

Oculum solum hominis sol illuminat sed oculum pectusque infantis lumine perfundit.
~Only the eye of the man does the sun illuminate, but the eye and heart of the child it imbues with light.

Oculum ipsum viri sol illuminat sed animum pectusque pueri lumine perfundit.
~Just the eye of the man does the sun illuminate, but the heart and soul of the child it imbues with light.

Answer 2

I would be leery of putting solum next to sol, as then it could be mistaken for "Only the sun illuminates the eye of the man..." which does not have anywhere near the same effect. She did correct your verb, though - the word for illuminate is illustro, with an r. So it should say illustrat. But on the whole, very nicely done. If you were wanting something spectacular, contact zlevad. He has a real talent for that sort of thing.

Answer 3

Sol solum illustrat oculum homini, sed lucet in oculum et cordem infantis/liberi.
The idea is that the Romans liked to put the emphasized bits at the end of a sentence, I also like the alliteration at the beginning.

Answer 4

I think that it's "infantes" but I'm not sure. Still, good job, it looks fantastic.