Is it adultry?

Question

I've been married for 6 years and we haven't lived together for almost 3 because of finacial problems. He also has had a bad drinking problem and a bad temper especially when hes drinking. He's been to jail to many times and I even paid for his attorney the last time to get him out of it and it worked but now he's back to drinkng, not as bad but he is. I have slept with someone else before but I swore to God I wouldn't do it again but my husband and I aren't and he's being a real jerk lately but thats no excuse. I'm trying not to but it's not easy. Is it even adultry if he doesn't believe in God and the bible?? And please people don't send me mean and hateful answers, I really would like some honest, caring answers, maybe even someone who knows what they are talking about.

I know a lot of you say leave him but its just not that easy. I have asked for forgivness and I believe God has given it to me and I'm trying not to do it again. I'm really trying. I'm not a horrible person. My husband does these things but then acts so wonderful and I would feel horrible just leaving him because he's going through so much. He already feels like a loser. If I leave him I think that would be the last straw for him. But I know I can't stay with him if he continues to drink. I know that much and if it happens again I'm going to have to leave him. This has gone on for to long. I really want to make it work, I do but he's not making it easy. He won't do counseling or AA, also he doesn't have time either. So I guess time will tell. God will help me.

Answer 1

Yes, it is adultery....you should seek a divorce and remarry before having sexual relations if you are worried about committing adultery; but try counselling first...... because the Bible says having sex with someone else while you are married is adultery; and sex outside of marriage is fornication.

Answer 2

Okay, I'll be honest. I was an abused wife. I know the drinking the meanness, the bad temper and probably a lot more.
The thing is, no matter what he does or doesn't do, that does not mean that you can forget who you are. Adultery, yes I'm sorry but it is according to almost all churches and religions, you are married. I cannot suggest to you divorce or separation because those are personal choices, I made those tough choices for myself and by the way, the church frowns greatly on that too. That isn't the important thing, what is important is that you have to live with whatever you do, it has to be right for you no matter what the cost and it sounds to me that you aren't in the best situation anyway. You have to determine now if you are worth something. OF COURSE YOU ARE! Take control of your life and make what you want of it with or without him. Keep yourself safe, I've been there, I know you know what I mean. Frankly, you don't need the complication of someone else being involved. Talk to yourself and say out loud what is going on. At the same time listen and then what would you suggest that the person telling you that, do for themselves. You'll get the answer that is right for you.

Answer 3

hi, i believe that it is. I think that by you asking the question, that you already know that really - it is. Sorry to be blunt about it. I know how hard it must be with all that you have been through, you said that you weren't finding it easy; well find something to do with the time that you would end up going to see this guy.
Your husband doesn't believe in the Bible, but I take it that YOU DO. There are MANY Bible verses that say you shouldn't commit adultery:
HEB 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
EXO 20:14 You shall not commit adultery
Hope that this has helped you; remember that God is always there and you can always talk to Him, and he will be listening.
I will be praying for you.
God Bless.

Answer 4

Adultry is a legal concept, as well as a religious concept, so depsite whatever anyone involved may believe, yes, you did commit adultry. It's highly understandable why you did, but that isn't an excuse.
The real question here is, why are you still married?
Your marriage is, to all intents and purposes, over. You are separated, and he has severe problems that are not going to improve no matter how much you try to bail him out or make excuses for him. The best thing you can do for everyone involved is to end the relationship and get a divorce. Then you will be free to live your life and make things better; your husband will be free to ruin or repair his life as he will.

Answer 5

Personally, to me, it sounds like he hasn't been fulfilling your needs. While I don't think cheating on a spouse is ever a good thing - I can totally understand why you did. Have you considered getting a divorce? It sounds to me like you're miserable and your marriage has already fallen apart. By staying married, it's hurting you and possibly him. You have to do what is best for you because you deserve to be with a man who loves you and takes care of you both emotionally and physically. Sure, some people would call that adultry, but quite honestly I just think it's a sign that you can't be with this guy any more. You know you made a mistake, you feel bad obviously. But you have to forgive yourself and make a pact with yourself to never do it again. It sounds like the only way that will happen is if you remove him from your life.

Answer 6

adultry isn't strictly a religious issue, it's a divorce issue also. The bigger question is, why are you even with him? You can look at this question two ways, one:he is an absolute jerk and there seems to be little love lost between the two of you, you don't appear to be happy with his behaviour, or maybe it's more than just his behaviour. two: You kind of owe it to him to leave him if you comitted adultry, there is a lie between you that if he knew would probably cause him to leave you. I'm not being mean, I'm probably coming at this from an entirely none religious perspective because I'm an atheist. Most of religions views on marraige and sex were established by men to benefit men because throughout the ages women had basically no status, so the rules would never really benefit them. You really need to ask yourself wether or not you want to live your life worrying about the every whim of a bearded fictional wrathful alien in the sky? Leave him but be careful how you leave him- look up the laws in your state regarding alienation of affection and illegal discourse.

Answer 7

Yes, it is still adultry.

A better question would be why you stay in this destructive relationship. He is not going to change and unless you want to spend the rest of your life getting him out of jail and putting up with his getting drunk then get out. He is abusing you and you do not have to accept that.

You are what is known as an "enabler". You help him with his behavior by bailing him out of jail and allowing him to abuse you. Next time he goes to jail, and I hope it is soon, let him stay there. Maybe being Bubba's girlfriend for a bit will straighten him out some.

If you do not do anything else, join Al-Anon. It is a program for those who are in a relationship with an alchoholic (and that is what your husband is) and it will help you cope with what you are dealing with.

By the way, stay out of someone else's bed until you get a divorce. You sound like you believe in God and the Bible and you know that going outside your marriage vows is adultry. You don't need this community to tell you that.

What you do need is love and reassurance and you can get that at any church. Even if you have committed adultry one time, God will forgive you if you ask for forgiveness. None of us are perfect, there are just the forgiven and the unforgiven.

I hope things get better for you and that you heed the advice to (a) get out of this abusive relationship and (b) join al-anon. God bless you.

Answer 8

God is a very Forgiving God and all you needed to do is ask Him for Forgiveness and I firmly believe He did. I sympathize with your situation and many good women have been through this and survived. Hopefully, one day your man will wake up and smell the coffee. Depends on his age. A friend I know, has the same situation , and when her drunken husband turned 50 years old, one day he just up and quit drinking. The couple is so happy and the woman stayed with him through thick and thin. They are living a good life now . She told me how happy she is that she didn't leave and file for divorce. The man is ashamed for what he put his wife through for many years, He once told me that he had thought of suicide many times, and especially , when his neglected wife had filed for divorce. He said if she would have divorced him , the only thing left for him to do is kill himself. She shudders to think that the divorce would have driven her husband to suicide. So hopefully, you can do the right thing and help this man to heal. If there are children it is even worse. Standing by your husbands grave would leave you for the rest of your life with guilt. Keep praying that the Lord will Heal your man. At night when he is sleeping, place your hands on his head, softly and quietly ask God to Heal him. Do it as often as you can. God answers prayer, if sincere. Also He Forgives. He says: Think of Me often and I will give you Peace. Also-- Ask and Ye Shall Recieve ! Don't give up, keep praying and asking. Take care and may God bless you and your husband, Always. I will say a prayer for the both of you !

Answer 9

It is adultery, but you are really in a bad situation, and you are at least trying to do what is right, though you find it hard. I think you should definitely refrain from sleeping with anyone until you divorce your husband. It will make it difficult for you to come out ahead in a divorce if you have slept with someone else and this is found out. It can mean you won't be entitled to alimony if you have committed adultery.

God will forgive your past actions. Just try to do what is right now and seek a divorce. That's my advice.

Answer 10

It's adultery. Question is, is adultery that bad in the circumstances? You'd be better off getting rid of him. Once he's out of the way, sleeping with someone else even before you're divorced isn't going to make any odds either way. Don't let some stupid "faith" stand between you and personal happiness. This is the only life you get. Make the most of it the way your useless husband hasn't.

Answer 11

Regardless what he believes, you are the one that has to live with your actions. I am not saying that it is or is not adultry all I am saying is do what makes you feel good. You are obvously going through a pretty rough time right now and your husband sounds like an ***. Take care of yourself and do what feels right to you. It will all work out in the end.