I've been married 7 years. Every Thanksgiving its the same thing. My family stuff is at 12pm and always has been. Every year, we have rushed through my family stuff to go across town to his grandma's. It never fails -my husband's sister pitches a fit (she is 20) to have the family there at a certain time. The past 3 or 4 years, when we get there, no one is even boiling water. My husband, me and our kids are the only ones there. His sister, who made all these plans isn't even there. We make an effort to get there at the time they insist we get there, and its like they don't even remember we have plans! Last year I was asked the day before to cook the dressing. Its crappy that my sister in law doesn't even go help her grandma get the food going. So is it bitchy to send an email to everyone saying that we aren't rushing through my family stuff this year? I also said AGAIN that if I need to cook something, let me know early. So, what to do now?
2006-11-07 11:44:49 · 26 answers · asked by MomOfThreeBoys 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it's about time your sister in law is not the only one who decides how thanksgiving will go. why should she be the one to decide, when she herself doesn't follow her own rules?? email, to me, doesn't seem the answer. why not just call your sister in law and tell her that you just can't make the 12 o'clock time - it's just too rushed and let her know the time that is good for you. if she puts up a fit, just tell her to begin the festivities without you and you'll join in when you get there. as far as making something, don't wait for THEM to tell you what to make, tell your sister in law i'll be making (whatever you care to make) so make sure no one goes to the trouble of preparing this. don't let her run your family life, when she doesn't seem to be able to run her own life. grandma will understand, if she loves you, because, i'm sure at one point in her life she went through the same dilemma. families don't change that much from generation to generation. make sure this sister in law doesn't ruin your holiday because that is what it seems she is trying to do. family plans do not revolve around her. good luck and make sure YOU enjoy thanksgiving.
2006-11-07 13:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sticky situation - I've been there! First , is your husband of the same opinion? If he is then you two need to be in agreement on what your actual plans will be . Also remenber that after 7 years you two should also begin starting holiday traditions of your own . If you are going to try to do both and you need to prepare a dish , fix it early and drop it off early ( hell, even the day before with instructions on how to reheat, of course) . Remember you can not be in 2 places at one time. Alternate whose family you will spend which holiday with , or decide to host your own event in your home . As for whether you are being bitchy or not - it's all relative. Someone ,somewhere will be offended . In laws can be a real pain in the ***! Good Luck!
2006-11-07 11:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by margie c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a few options. Invite them all to your house next time.
Or have Thanksgiving dinner with one and Christmas dinner with the other one.
I DO think you might call whomever you are dining with a week before and find out what they want you to bring.This way there is no last minute demands on you and you can feel a part of the plan.
Also, this is a time to be thankful for the family and friends you have around you. Choose wisely and Happy Thanksgiving!
2006-11-07 11:49:19 · answer #3 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's not bitchy to let your family know your concerns, or to ask them to follow through with the plans as they set them or set them differently. You should, however, be sensitive with the issue and try not to offend. Maybe instead of " we're not rushing through the family stuff this year" you could have approached it another way - in a way that doesn't sound accusatory but still let's them know it bothers you. Sorry I can't think of anything more specific to say, it sort of depends on the specifics of the situation and the people involved.
2006-11-07 11:48:50 · answer #4 · answered by daniel.foster 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry, sounds like a typical dysfunctional American family, or it could be the other way around, where everything is all ready and in place, eat and go home. Family they are a wonderful bunch, all having there own little dramas, being played out in the seasons of the holiday. Happy Thanksgiving, take it with a grain of salt or stay home and cook your own meal. peace.
I AM
2006-11-07 12:02:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say a thing. Until she announces what time she expects you. At that time I would calmly say, I'm sorry we'll be attending dinner with my family then. We will try to stop by for desert or coffee. Unfortunately you and your family sound like they have been getting the short end of the stick. At the very least you could trade off going places each year. One year to your relatives the next to his. What about combining and having his relatives and yours dine together?
2006-11-07 12:27:38 · answer #6 · answered by jblonde 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you, and all of your relatives, need a reminder that Thanksgiving is a holiday to be thankful for all that you have, spending quality time with your family, and relaxation as well. It's not about deadlines and complaining about who does what. You should talk to all of them at once and ask how Thanksgiving should be spent, after you are done with your family activities. Good Luck
2006-11-07 12:10:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't get it...It's been 7 yrs.Why didn't u put your foot down and say we will do grandma's this year and whoever next yr and so on...I can't believe u haven't tried that...This way isn't working so let the one that is chomping at the bit to be first and then whom ever does it the next yr...Don't u think u guys have forgotten the meaning of Thanksgiving anyway...
2006-11-07 11:56:41 · answer #8 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think they should take in consideration that you have family too. and yes let them know basically you guys will get there when you get there. and call them at least 2-3 days befoe thanksgiving to see if they need you to cook something that way if they decide to call you at the last minute you can feel okay to say no and thats why you called to ask them ahead of timeand now you don't have enough time cause your already making some stull for your mom or who ever.
2006-11-07 11:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bitchy - they should respect your family time as well. It's not the end of the world if you guys are a bit late - big deal. Maybe your husband should make the call / email or whatever so they can't interpret you as "the bad person"
I hate family dramarama, it's so unnecessary!
2006-11-07 11:48:11 · answer #10 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋