help 15 daughter pregnant.....how do we help understand she shouldn't keep it...she is too young?

Question

we told her its her desion to make bet we will not be raising our grandkid....we will be good grandparents but not parents to this kid and she will have to move out....the boy ( 16 ) lives with his grandparents....turns out she had x-rays during the 1st month...she has a week left to make up her mind

Answer 1

Perhaps some life experience would help... do you know anyone who has a very young baby? You could ask to "borrow" the baby for a few hours to have your daughter (with you right there) take care of. Maybe look and see if there are any schools in your area for pregnant teens (call the school district) that she could go observe in to see how hard it is for these girls to finish high school and have a baby. 15 year olds think they have the world figured out- and a baby would be wonderful to have! They are so cute and cuddly and love you unconditionally... but they are hard work. I had my first at 23, had worked with two year olds in preschools for 7 years prior to that, and still wasn't prepared for an infant. Give her lots of background to make an informed decision... take her to talk to a birth choice/planned parenting center who can help you get in contact with the kinds of info she will need to know. What are her options? Abortion? Adoption? What is right for her and your whole family- because if she keeps this child, that means you will be a parent all over again to an infant- your child will need lots of backup from you. Are you willing/able to do that? Do you have room? Will other siblings of your 15 year old be affected? What about her schooling? These are all questions you as a whole family will have to consider. Good luck!

Answer 2

Maybe you need to understand how to be more supportive. Fifteen is a physical prime for having a baby. It's a hell of a lot easier than being twenty-five and having baby, at an rate.

And not to sound superficial, but come on . . . think of the university scholarships she'll get now (most foundations give preference to young mothers, racial minorities, etc.) And all the friends she'll make when she brings her little one to school and everyone wants to get in on the cute baby action. It won't be long before your fifteen your old starts thinking hard about making the world a better place now that she's bringing a child into it. At fifteen, she's probably got the youth and energy to do it, too.

You know, I've been there. Some people (fortunately, no one related to me and no one whose opinion I placed much value in) were awfully discouraging. Turns out, a baby is 90% cute and 10% effort. And aside from the laundry bill, they're intially pretty inexpensive, too. All you need is a good set of cloth nappies, and a best friend/cousin/sibling/parent/some other trusted person who loves the baby to spend a little time with him/her and free up a bit of her time for homework and the like.

Answer 3

Tons of love, prayer, and support. You need it, and she needs it! My husbands mother got pregnant at 15, too. The father has never been in his life, but his mom kept him. She had help from her parents the first couple of years, and when she met his dad (not the biological) and married him, my husband was adopted by him. Happy ending.
One of my best friends got pregnant young in high school. She knew she wasn't ready for a baby, and the dad wouldn't stick around, either. She made the extremely mature decision to have the baby and give her up for adoption. Sure, she wonders now how she turned out (it's been 15 years). Is she happy? What does she look like? The usual questions anyone might have. She has another daughter now that she kept (another unplanned pregnancy - she's married to the father but was told she couldn't have more kids.) Another happy ending.
Ultimately, you will have to support her in her decision regardless. Just help her to make as educated a decision as she possibly can! Our local high school has a daycare facility for young mothers. I was appalled when I first heard of it. However, like it or not, there are unwed mothers in high school. And now the district has offered a way for those teens to STAY in school! So, maybe they're dealing with a bad situation in a good way.
My prayers are with you, your daughter, and every person faced with this difficult situation.

Answer 4

The question really should be, why can't you let her live the consequences of her actions. I'm sorry, but this is something only she can decide, and if she feels mature enough to deal with a baby, why shouldn't she try. If you force her to have an abortion ( which is what I'm assuming you want her to do) she is going to hate you forever and always be wondering what it could have been like had she not had her baby murdered.
Be more considerate, and if your honest, isn't your decision based more upon the fear of YOU being judged rather than your daughter. People can surprise you, especially where babies are concerned, so give her the chance with her baby.

Answer 5

I am not sure if I understood that right.. Hmm.. Anyway.. If she wants the baby why not let her keep it? I had a child at a younger age than that kept him, worked and everything to take care of it. I finish HS went on to college and I am still in school.. Don't try to talk her into anything, you don't want to be the ones blamed for the rest of her life if she makes the wrong choice.. If she mentions abortion encorage her for adoption so she gives her baby a better life than being killed before it had a chance.. Aborting a child when you are 15 that could cause a lot of psychological pain now and when she is older both.

Answer 6

If she is set on keeping the baby there is not a lot that you can do. If you try to force her to give the baby up for adoption (Abortion should not be an option if she is against it) all you will do is alienate her from you. Just try to get her to think about her future. Ask her if she thinks that she can work, and finish school while taking care of a baby. Just because she is pregnant it is not the end of the world. With some support she can still finish school and go to college.

Answer 7

I got pregnant when I was 16 and had a beautiful baby boy who changed my life. I was a rebellious teenager always in trouble and who knows where I would be if I didn't get pregnant. I am now 27 and I am so glad I never gave my son up. It was hard being a single mom but I grew up really fast. I worked my butt off to support us and now he is 10 and the best kid ever! Try and be supportive. My mom was and I thank her for that every chance I get. It may be hard right now but think of the wonderful grandchild she will bring into the world. It's not the baby's fault so don't take his/her life. If worse comes to worse give the baby up to a good family.

Answer 8

How far along is she?

While she is "grown up" in some standards, it's always hard to see your baby pregnant.

I would suggest that she spend time talking with adoption clinics. There are adoptions where she can chose the parents of her child.

You need to explain to her that raising a child is hard, and that you won't be able to be a mommy/grandmommy to this child. She is just a child herself!

Just talk to her, and listen. It may not be a bad idea to let her talk to a psychologist to help her work through her difficulties. Do NOT rub it in that she had sex young or it pregnant. That's a duh--now you all need to figure out what to do next.

Answer 9

We are not here to judge. Why shouldn't she keep it? I know of girls that have done a great job raising thier kids and that were 15 and one younger. Just be there for her. Do not put her down. Give her positive advise. (not that adoption isn't good) If she really wants to keep her baby. Then let her. Just be there for her as a parent. She'll learn. We all do. Heck, I was 24 when I had my first child and I wasn't ready yet. Who is? We learn! Love her and the baby. You and your daughter will get through this. Who knows? Maybe you'll regret ever posting this. Keep your head up.

Answer 10

Oh, god... I don't know what to tell you. If you rag on her to get an abortion she could run away from home.

Fifteen is to young to get a job. You'll most likely be doing a lot of the raising if she has the child. Is the father of the child supportive? Have you spoken to his parents? My advice is to get a financial agreement from them to start giving your household money to help with her extra pregnancy food and medical costs, if you can't get her to abort. I really wouldn't press it. She has a life inside of her that she loves already even though its just a little bundle of cells. Do you want her to blame you for a possible lifetime of guilt?

You really need to get a plan in place, a written child support agreement with a witness from the father's parents if he's not yet of age. Just incase you can't convince her to put the baby up for adoption.

I feel adoption would be less painful in the long run than abortion and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. And 10 years from now, she can say to herself: "I never killed anyone." Because abortions give people guilt that stays with them for the rest of their lives.

Please above everything love and support your daughter. Don't press things just mention her options and let her know, if she keeps the baby this is her child and she'll have to look after him.