Three years ago I told my boyfriend that I would not buy a new house with him (we currently live in a house that I rent) unless we were married first. He has never questioned that. Well he has found a house that we both love, and can afford. And its a shame that we cant get it cuz were not married. He got angry with me when I told him to not even worry about calling about it cuz i wasnt moving. Hes known this for years, that I wasnt going on a mortgage with a boyfriend and that I wasnt gonna just let him buy it and split the mortgage cuz I get no credit for that. And now hes angry with me. Weve been together for 4 years, and he still doenst want to get married yet, but he wants the perks of a wife. Am I wrong for standing my ground? Am I wrong for looking out for myself? Too many of my girlfriends have come cryign to me in the middle of the night needing a place to stay cuz they have no legal ownership of the house they live in cuz they werent married to the guy. Opinons?
2006-11-07 08:41:01 · 35 answers · asked by Let ME be President! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think that your definitely doing the right thing. Keep standing your ground. It's hard enough to figure out what happens to the house if you divorce, but if your not even married and you break up I honestly don't know what happens to the house. The only thing I can think of would be to set up some type of agreement with a Lawyer before you buy the house stating that you are both owners of the house prior to marriage. I'm not really sure how it would work because I have no background in law. Do not put any money into the house if you do not have some type of contract worked out or aren't in the very least engaged. I don't understand why he wants to buy a house with you, but doesn't want to be married to you yet. Living together is one thing, but you really don't want to buy a house with someone you aren't a business partner with or aren't going to marry.
2006-11-07 08:52:01 · answer #1 · answered by student_doctor_chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You told him what was up from the very beginining so it's not like he can get mad at you for standing your ground on something that you felt strongly about before. If he's not shaking his ground about not getting married, why should you waver in your decision about moving into another house? I don't consider that being stubborn.
At the same time, the only reason you said you wanted to get married was because:
"I wasnt going on a mortgage with a boyfriend and that I wasnt gonna just let him buy it and split the mortgage cuz I get no credit for that."
Maybe he won't get married because the word "love" was never brought into the topic. All you mentioned in your above statement was about being split on credit and if thats the only thing concerning you, then maybe he feels like hes not ready to make that commitment yet.
But if you told him in advance about your feelings on the subject, then he can't get too mad about it.
2006-11-07 08:53:08 · answer #2 · answered by Isis85 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A proper contract would take care of that issue. He could buy the home and you could rent from him. If you are already renting, what difference would it make? Then, he also couldn't kick you out because you have a contract.
I absolutely recommend thinking VERY carefully before making a large investment like that with someone you are not legally bound to. However, if you do it the right way, it can work out just fine, even if you separate. If you clearly draw up a contract that states that you each have half ownership of the house and what happens if you split, then you should be just fine.
However, it is a big deal, so I understand being wary. I think you could work it out, though.
2006-11-07 08:49:34 · answer #3 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound a bit as if you are both being a bit stubborn. He for not wanting to marry you, you did not explain what his reason for not marrying after this length of living together. Regardless the pair of you need to sit down and have a long discussion about your present situation as well as the future. If it looks like a dead end then this may be a good time to put an end to the relationship. But if it looks as if there is still love, trust, security and a possible future then fight for it. Best of luck and please do discuss this with your man in a mature and honest manner.
2006-11-07 08:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buying a house together is pretty serious, It possible its right up there with marriage. Why doens't he want to get married? Its alittle confusing as to why he would get amortgage with you, but not walk down the isle. However you guys are throwing aot of money awawy by renting. With a home you at least have equity if you guys ever did decide to call it quits. I don't know what to say. My husbnd and I waiting till we were married to move in with each other. Good luck
2006-11-07 08:48:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong, but if you're currently living together, you're a bit hypocritical. I can understand why he's angry--- either you don't live together before marriage, or you don't. You're pushing it both ways, to your own advantage.
If you feel so strongly about this issue, live alone until you're married- you're the one getting all the perks of a husband without the marriage, too. Why are you continuing to live with a guy who won't marry you, yet blaming him for it? You both seem to want to have your cake, but without ANY real commitment or responsibility.
2006-11-07 08:53:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing you are being is stubborn. You are being smart and practical. Think of it this way....if he is willing to marry you and the two of you make a big purchase such as a house, you KNOW he is in it for the long haul. What good reason does he have to buy a home with you and not marry you??? He could promise the moon, but I wouldn't bite...he needs to put his money where his mouth is....get you a ring, and start a future with you!
2006-11-07 08:53:29 · answer #7 · answered by amanda r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL GAL I WILL TELL YOU LIKE THIS I THINK THAT YOU ARE RIGHT BECAUSE YOU LET HIM KNOW IN THE BEGINNING WHAT THE DEAL WAS, AND HE CHOSE TO IGNORE IT. NOW HERE IT IS 4 YEARS LATER AND HE STILL HAS NOT MADE A MOVE TOWARD MARRIAGE AND MAKING YOU HIS WIFE. YOU TOLD HIM YOU WOULD NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH HIM UNLESS YOU WERE MARRIED SO THEREFORE STANDING YOUR GROUND IS NOT WRONG AT ALL. SO I SAY MORE POWER TO YOU. THAT IS SO TRUE THAT YOU SHOULD NOT GO ON ANY MORTGAGE WITH NO MAN UNLESS HE IS YOUR HUSBAND. SO HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS MORE POWER TO YOU AND DO YO THANG GIRL. STAND AND STAND AWAY!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-07 08:51:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground. There is also the option of the mortgage being put in both of your names, that way you both have legal ownership, but that can lead to problems too if the relationship ends. I hope everything works out for you.
2006-11-07 08:51:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO u are not wrong!!! U are absolutely right!!! U should stand your ground.
I am just like u in the fact that that is something I have always said myself. I will not buy a house with someone who is not my husband for the very reason u stated in the end of your question.
If it doesn't work out, you're just S.O.L. with nowhere to go but crying to your friends house.
Don't douby yourself, you're doing the right thing. He knew this going in so he has no right to be upset. Bottom line.
2006-11-07 08:59:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋