Are there any Christian ladies out there who feel like they're all alone in trying to have sexually pure relationships with guys? I don't want to fall back into the trap of sleeping with someone before i'm married, i don't even really want to kiss them because it just leads to all that, but i seem to be the only person on the earth who thinks this is important. A lot of guys i know have told me to get professional help because i'm "frigid" and a lot of girls i know who claim to be Christians have told me to loosen up and stop being a fanatic. What do you think? Answers need to be vaguely intellegent please.
2006-11-07 07:43:43 · 10 answers · asked by make_every_second_count 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well... if u are trying to keep a relationship but do absolutely nothing intimate, ie hug, touch, kiss, explore.. u are pretty much negating every person on earth. human beings need to feel attractive, and wanted by their partner. of course u don't want to "give it up" too soon if that is important to u..but just because a girl wants to kiss and touch doesn't mean she wants to have sex all of a sudden! as long as u make sure u know what line not to cross, u need to loosen up a bit. unless u want to stay alone forever..because a RELATIONSHIP is something intimate.. u cannot "control" the level of intimacy but stopping anything physical like kissing! that is like, the basic foundation of any relationship, even when ur in high school... having a first kiss is not considered the next step is sex. u just have to know ur boundaries, and so does the guy u date.
if u want to try to have a RELATIONSHIP w/ someone w/o kissing, ur gonna have a hard time getting to know that person on an intimate level. it is not impossible, but it is hard. and i think most girls are looking to have someone they can Trust to do those things with....not someone who they don't want to kiss until they get married.. u know? =T.....
think about guys and girls in this way: men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love.
if u don't want to have sex, that's fine. just show him love and affection and appreciation in different ways, but don't completely NEGATE the human touch and intimate things that can really make a relationship grow into something MORE. then u will know if that person is the one u want to have sex with, and u will wait until u are married.
***Remember...the more you STOP yourself from doing something, the more you won't be able to control it! you may just have a relapse one day and have sex w/ a guy after trying to "control" ur kissing, and then go overboard and u'll be miserable! but if u know how to test boundaries and not go overboard, u will be much better girlfriend and person. this is why parents shouldn't be too strict; the children will want to do everything that seems "rebelllious". but if they learn and experience things on their own, they will find a Balance between what is right and wrong, and parents can Guide them. so u must do the same in a Relationship.... explore w/ your partner what is and isn't a boundary, and make the decision TOGETHER to stay virgin until marriage. but don't discount yourself or someone if they have gone farther than kissing.. u end up making too much out of nothing, and judging them or yourself over technicalities instead of real things. good luck.
2006-11-07 07:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that sexual promiscuity has invaded all areas of out culture today, even amongst the Christians. Yes indeed, this is a very sad state of affairs. You should not let geys define who you are, whether or not you are "frigid." Guys have a totally different perspective on all this than do females, because each sex faces different potential consequences and feelings from the act. So, I do not even think it has much to do with Christianity per se. It is all about respecting yourself and your body, and preserving your innocence until you have decided to unite your life with a significant other. Hope this helps. Good luck!
2006-11-07 15:49:40 · answer #2 · answered by Justin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a common dilemma for Christian girls. How far is too far? That's a personal question, and for you it seems that beyond kissing is too far. I'm not going to blow smoke at you and say that you've just not found the right guy, blah blah. Based on your personal choice, it will be difficult to find a guy who will not want more. Your best chance is to find a guy in a church who has the same commitment that you do, but don't expect it to be easy.
Of course, generally speaking, the harder something is, the more rewarding it will be when achieved.
2006-11-07 15:51:25 · answer #3 · answered by jwb674 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm making up a role play with this ID, so Kradori Hyde isn't real. She's only a fantasy. In reality, I am a Christian girl who is saving her virginity for her wedding night and her first kiss for when the minister says "You may now kiss the bride." Yeah, some would call me a fanatic and a prude, and though I might be a fanatic for Jesus, I'm no prude really. Nevertheless, right now I'm avoiding romance and waiting for God to bring it along in His time. I'm trying to learn to be wholly in love with Jesus, though I'm presently struggling badly, which is why I have this fantasy ID. You're not alone, though you may feel like it. Drop me a note if you like from my profile page.
2006-11-07 15:52:51 · answer #4 · answered by kradori_hyde 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'm a christian and experience this too. for one, make sure you're dating guys who actually love God and know His word. just because a guy calls himself a "christian" doesn't mean anything. if he loves God, he'll do his best to honor Him and you in your relationship.
remember that the world's standards are not ours. so even though words like "frigid" are hurtful, you don't have to answer to those guys or anyone else. just know that you're doing the right thing and pray over finding the right guy.
i've been so traumatized in the past about guys getting on my case about waiting for sex that i went through a loooong period of not dating since it was easier. now that i'm back where i need to be with my confidence in tact, i'm ready to meet better quality guys.
2006-11-07 15:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by cy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
keep up the good work and if a guy really wants u he will respect ur values that is a good way of telling what the guy really wants i did that to my husband before we were married i told im from the start he wasnt getting ne till we were married and if he didnt like it oh well and he said he didnt care about that we kissed and he tryed to do more but when i said no he respected that and stoped and didnt even get mad so keep it up i am all for u and ur values but u have to pray and stick to it and practice saying no alot
2006-11-07 15:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by ms dextre 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you should do first is ignore the first two responses.
Now i understand where your coming from, its ok to do what you think you should do, but its also ok to have a boyfriend (but someone who likes you for who you are not some guy that wants to have sex) a lot of christian girls can date, but sometimes it is better to date someone who is a Christian like you. it also depends on you if you are ready to have a boyfriend or not, good luck, and God Bless, hope i helped yuou out a little bit, :o)
2006-11-07 15:55:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im hearing you dont worry about what they say do whats right they are going to be the ones with aids and hiv. Dont worry!
2006-11-07 15:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by sexy j 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how about a guy who can understand the words "not right now" you know, there are some like that.
2006-11-07 15:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are lame...girls who dont put out suck!
2006-11-07 15:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 7⤋