My 11 year old daughter has brought me a bad report card yesterday,(again) how do i get her to be good?

Question

This has happened already, and she's already tried to hit me,and she's told me she hated me. Im so hurt by her not caring about good grades, I've even showed her the bad parts of town where people who dont go to school live. i've showed her the rich part where "good grades" live. I again took away her video games.We show lots of love at home. So I guess my question is, how do I punish my 11 year old?

Answer 1

AHHHHHH age 11. Gotta love that age. Kids at this age dont care about good grades. Children cannot see into the future like adults can, and they dont understand why we need to try harder in school. They dont know why we need fractions, or long division, "we are never going to use it in REAL life!" My advice to you is: Take her to walmart and get her some cool new folders and study things. New cool pencils. EVERYNIGHT study with her. She is under the impression that it is optional. You need to stay on top of her because it will only get worse. Maybe she doesnt know HOW to study.. yes that is possible. Teach her! Make a game out of it. My 12 year old daughter and I play the dime game. put 1.00 worth of dimes in the middle of the table, quiz her, and for everyone she gets right, give her a dime, and for everyone she gets wrong, take one away.Let her keep her money, buy a new piggy bank and at the end of the school year she could have enough for an IPOD or something. Teaching them good study habits now helps them later. In college, they dont care if you study or not.. heck even in 7th grade they dont mind it. 7th grade is usually the time that we try to let the kids stand on their own. If you dont turn in homework, we arent going to hound you... you just get a 0. This helps them prepare for HS. Make sure to teach her now, so that she can be prepared for later. To answer your question... I say, do not punish, give an ultimatum. Either your spelling grade comes up to a B or you loose your TV till it comes up. Punishing them for something that they do not know (how to study) only brings down the potential that they might have. Good Luck!

Answer 2

I am not sure what your asking, was it bad grades? or bad behavior?

For improving grades - You need to sit w/her and make sure she is doing her homework, also you need to be in contact with her teacher every day. Start quizzing her on up coming tests, try a more hands on approach, find out how it sinks in with her and use it. It will take some work but not to worry, it will pay off.

For bad behavior - Is there anything wrong with a good old fashioned spanking. Don't pay attention to those who insist that spanking teaches a child to hit, quite the opposite. All the children around me (there are a lot) who have a problem with violence, are not spanked at all. All my girls get spanked from time to time. They don't ever hit each other. Just make the spanking a planed event, rather then a reaction. Take them in a privet room, pull down pants/underpants, put them over your lap and spank there bottom good. After words give them a big hug and explain what behavior is acceptable in the future.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Is your daughter a 6th grader.... and if so, is this her first year in middle school? It can be a hard adjustment to make. I would first ask the teacher to see if she is doing her homework... this is always a good place to start. I would also ask her teacher(s) if they see anything going on with your daughter in school (is she paying attention, does she rush through her work, is their any social issues). Keep in mind in elementary school the teachers practically give out good grades and by the time they are in 6th grade they have to begin working for their grades (I say this as a former 6th grade teacher). As for punishing your 11 year old... I would only punish if she is not doing her work.... maybe you can spend more time with her helping her study. This is the age where a lot of children learn for the first time "how to study for tests".

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

You need to find out why she's getting low grades. She may be struggling in school. It can be more than not wanting to study. Schedule a conference with her teacher. Talk to your daughter. Ask her why she's not doing well. Is there a something else that's been bothering her?

Once you have that information, it will be easier to handle. If she's having difficulties with a subject matter, hire a tutor, ask about after-school enrichment programs. If she's just not caring about her studies, you need to take away priviledges (tv, phone, outings, games, toys, etc.) Make a homework and studying schedule for her and make sure she sticks to it.

Now as for her trying to hit you, you need to nip that in the bud now, before it's too late.

Answer 5

Are you helping her study...do you know if she's having difficulty in certain subjects? She may be having trouble in school...some problems that could be preventing her from concentrating in class (bullying, etc.). Before you say she's bad, and punish her explore all the things that could be going on. Maybe she's having a hard time understanding the material, and has just given up. Yes, you should let her know that good grades are important, but I think you're wasting your time driving around town. Why don't you talk to her teachers and see what's going on.

Answer 6

Hunny, if that child is trying to HIT you then you do have some problems. You're about 11 yrs too late with this problem.

You need to buckle down and take away all privileges until she gets her grades up. No TV, no extra-cirricular activities, no friends over, no going to friends houses, no NOTHING until she gets her priorities straight. Get her extra help at school. Sometimes it takes tough love to straighten a kid out. Don't make her feel like a bad kid, though. But remember YOU are the parent! A co-worker of mine tells their very strong willed 11 yr old that "This is a dictatorship and not a democracy!"

Answer 7

Try this it worked on my 9 year old! I was always telling him the same thing, and yelling at him about his grades. Then one day I did something a little different, I sat down with him and asked him what specifically he was having trouble with in school? I sat down every night to help him, and I talked to his teacher, and let her know what he was having trouble with. You need to go by the school at least once a week to keep up on how she is doing. Have her checked to make sure she doesn't need glasses either, because that could be a big problem. My son was too embarrassed to ask the teacher for help during school because he didn't want to look stupid to his friends. Just make sure she knows you think she is smart, and you support her, and will help her.

Answer 8

You need to have a conference with her teacher and find out how she is doing in the classroom. You need to find out if she is at grade level in her subjects, is she testing well, and how she interacts in class. She may have some learning issues that have not been addressed. Many times, children in this age group get overwhelmed as teachers stress about getting them ready for middle school. You, your daughter and her teacher need to figure out what she needs to do to improve her grades.

And, don't go around telling her that because you're poor that you'll have bad grades or if you're rich that you'll have good grades. She needs to know that class has nothing to do with how hard you try and the effort you put in to your schoolwork. Even the poorest of kids go to college! Just my opinion!

Answer 9

You're the parent. Do YOUR homework and find out what's going on at school. Maybe bulling?

Does she need tutoring? The school can provide that.

I wouldn't punish her for bad grades but the hitting has to stop.

Sounds like she is frustrated. Be consistent with disipline and homework. She needs something that makes her feel good about herself. any hobbies? music? sports?
When you saw the report card, what was your reaction? Disappointment, anger?
sit down with her and ask her what YOU can do to help her with her schooling.
Time is ticking away.

Answer 10

I had trouble in school when I was younger. My parents started to help me with my homework (not doing it for me but were a sounding board for it) They even got me a tutor for subjects they couldn't help me with (I used a tutor from grade 7 to grade 12, andit was worth it!). They worked with me to study, and tried to make it interesting for me to learn. Sure It frustrated me when I was that age, but I look back now and it did help alot.

I agree that you should reward the good behavior. If the good behavior gets a small pat on the back, it's not noticed. If you celebrate every little acheivement it will encourage more. One thing parents do today is alot of negative reinforcement, they focus more on the bad things thatn the good things. That doesn't help. Yes, correct negative behavior, but reward greatly when things are done right. Her bad grades may also be due to a learning difficulty too. You may want to get that cheked, but try the positive reinforcement first.