My family is old fashioned. They think if you get a girl pregnant you should marry her. Well, my fiancee got me pregnant. At the age of 17 we are having the wedding in October. Also my older brother got his girl friend pregnant and they are engaged. Do you think this marriage will last. We are madly in love and want this for our child. I grew up without a father, I don't want my baby to.
2006-11-07 07:07:21 · 32 answers · asked by Daphne C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Marriage is not going "fix" what happened. I respect that your family has these beliefs, but lets be honest, the odds are against young couples in this situation. I certainly say, give this relationship all that you have, do the best you possibly can for this baby. But marriage can be a costly thing to get yourself out of if it does not work out. You dont need to be married to be a father. You are both very young and have a lot of living to do. Please reconsider getting married at this point. I really do hope it all works out for you and your fiancee and baby. But it will work out because you put into it what you expect to get out of it. Not because you are married. Good Luck
2006-11-07 07:17:32 · answer #1 · answered by his temptress 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's no need to rush things. Statistics show that the younger you are married, the more likely you are to be divoriced.
I have an 9 month old son, and I am not married to his father yet. We are beginning to plan our wedding for September, but it was outr decision, not because of the baby.
Actually, when we told his parents about the baby, the first thing they asked was if we were going to 'do the right thing' and get married, but we didn't want to yet.
It is very difficult to have a baby, especially in those first few months, and many couples do break up then. That happened to a close friend of my boyfriend's, and sadly, he now sees his little girl only on the weekend.
Two couples I know married because of a pregnancy, and they are both now split up. One ended in divorice, and one was actually annulled because they were both underage and she lost the baby.
Also, even if you do get married now, there is no garauntee that your baby will still always have his or her father around. If you would divorice later, it is likely to be messy and have a bad relationship between the two of you.
And you may begin to resent the baby for beign the reason for the marriage, and that can lead to all sorts of problems that no one even want to think about.
Shotgun weddings are a silly redneck tradition, and having a baby is no reason to get married.
I say put off the wedding for at least another year, and if the TWO OF YOU, not your families, still feel that getting married is the right thing, do it them.
Good luck, and congratulations on the baby! They are hard work, but such incredible miracles!
2006-11-07 07:25:34 · answer #2 · answered by Queen Queso 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Age isn't really a factor. I went to high school with a couple that had been together since the 8th grade and are still married to this day. (I went to high school over 20 years ago). I got married when I was 19 and the marriage didn't last a year. Neither of these involved children, but I just wanted you to see what I meant about the age factor.
What matters is the commitment to the marriage and family you and your boyfriend are willing to give. I wish you the best! Good Luck!!
2006-11-07 07:26:03 · answer #3 · answered by dct1218 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your age and pregnancy aside.... would you marry this man?
If your answer is Yes, then go for it.
However, If you would say No (or even "I dont know")... Dont do it.
Your mother's views are a bit behind the reality, studies show that children raised in a single parent household did better than those in a two-parent household if the parents were not happy together.
Marriage is hard work, so is parenting. Can you take on both at the same time and work together to succeed? Only you and your fiance' can answer this.... I say sit him down and talk with him very frankly.... if you cant communicate with him in this manner, then you will not succeed... communication is key in any marriage, whether youre 17 or 57.
Good Luck.
2006-11-07 07:32:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it because of the baby. If the marriage turns out to be a disaster, your child will feel in the middle of everything.
If you do get married (personally, I think you are too young to really know what you're getting yourself into, but exceptions have been known to happen) do it because you have seriously thought it through that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Do you want to live with his flaws, annoying habits, and differing views? Can he live with yours? Be realistic and try not to rush into something that can be disastrous in the long run.
There are worse things than growing up without a father. My children are forced to visit a father they cannot stand to be around and who treats them like idiots.
Also, being unmarried does not mean that the kids will not have a father. I know of many active fathers who do not reside with their children and things have turned out fine for everyone.
Anyways, do not give in to pressure. Not from your family, not from his family, and certainly not from him. Make your decision your choice.
Good luck.
2006-11-07 07:22:34 · answer #5 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think your marriage is going to last.
Studies and statistics show that most people who get married because of a baby--especially teenagers, even if they're older teenagers like you--will end up divorced in no time at all.
You're madly in love now, but in time, you may start resenting each other--or worse yet, your baby, even if it's still unborn--because of all of the lost opportunities you will face/faced because of the marriage and the baby.
2006-11-08 13:30:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea. Marriage for the sake of a child is never a good idea. Yes, both parents needs to be involved for the sake of the child but the marriage will likely cause more problems for the baby than will joint custody.
If you had talked about marriage before getting pregnant you might be ok. If not and this is mom and dad forcing you into this, get a pre-nup.
2006-11-07 07:46:21 · answer #7 · answered by bubb1e_gir1 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's possible that it could last, but you and your future husband will have to work very hard to keep your relationship. It would also serve you very well to have a strong and supportive family to help you adjust to this huge decision. I agree with you in that it is important to have two parents for your child. Don't take anything for granted. If you are madly in love, do whatever it takes to keep that flame alive, for there will be days, weeks, months and even years, when it feels like the storm of discontent has vanquished the fire that you now cherish. Best Wishes~
2006-11-07 07:19:43 · answer #8 · answered by Finnegan 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Young couples statistically fail. I am usually super-liberal, but in this case I would be very old fashioned. I agree you get a girl pregnant the least you can do is marry her. You two might not work out, that's okay. People say couples shouldn't stay together for the kids, and I agree, but they should at least give it a shot for the kids.
2006-11-07 07:22:13 · answer #9 · answered by The Teacher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you what will happen, I can only tell you what happened to my parents. I am now 16. That was my father's age when I entered this world. My mother was 18. They got married because they wanted me to have a proper family. They loved me very much and still do. However, they didn't like eachother that much, and so it fell apart. They got divorced when I was in 8th grade. There are many factors that were in their situation that aren't in yours, so think hard. If you are determined to have the child and to raise it together, then make sure the baby isn't hurt later in life.
2006-11-07 07:14:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋