Is Age Difference a Deal Breaker?

Question

For Guys Only:
A friend I know is in a serious relationship with this guy...but he doesn't know she is ten years older (he's 30, she's 40). When she first started going out with him (three years ago!) she didn't realize there was an age difference. When she found out, she was "in too deep" and afraid to tell him. He hasn't ever asked her how old she is. They both seem really in love. Honestly, I would think they were the same age if I just met them...they both are good looking. He's got crow's feet & she doesn't. She has now become paranoid that if he finds out he wouldn't want to marry her. We keep telling her to just tell him. What do you guys think? Does age matter if a woman is a hottie? What about for a serious relationship/marriage? She says that since most women live 7+ years longer than most men, it makes more sense to marry a younger guy.

She hasn't lied to him about her age...she's artfully dodged the issue for a while. Also, she doesn't want kids, but he's "undecided" on the kids issue, leaning toward no...

In response to the "hot babe" comment...Salma Hayek is over 40 and most guys of all ages consider her a babe.

Answer 1

Atomically speaking, we are all the same age. We are all as old as the universe! If you study physics you will realize that every atom in your body is as old as all the other atoms in the entire material universe. So from a scientific standpoint, "age difference" is irrelevent.

Many cultures do not keep track of birthdays. Perhaps we'd be better off doing the same. And obviously, "age difference" matters less in relationships as time goes by, both percentage-wise and psychologically. A 26 year old is 62% older than a 16 year old, but a 40 year old is just 33% older than a 30 year old, even though in both cases it is a ten-year difference.

I say stick with the "don't ask, don't tell" approach. Wait 'til she has to fill in the blanks on the marriage license, and if he freaks out then and wants out, she will have to deal with his immaturity!

Answer 2

What would bother me most is that she chose to keep this a secret. It is difficult to remain attracted to a liar, despite the reason.

But to answer your question, while we see a few of these relationships that seem to work, where age is just a number, guys are naturally attracted to same age or younger women. When he finds out, it could be a deal-breaker. Regardless of her current appearance, there is a mental stigma that most guys won't be able to get past. We all want to be with a 'hot chick', right? A 'chick' is generally younger than I am. I know it sounds shallow, but to disregard nature's way doesn't help to face the facts, however sad they may be.

This combination of being an old liar tells me that when he discovers her secret, it won't be a good moment. However, there is a lot to be said for timing. If I were her, I'd give him the best erotic sexual pleasures of his life, then as he rests in a dazed state of sexual bliss, face the music and see what happens. If he remains with her through the next day, maybe he'll stick.

Answer 3

Seems a little strange that they have been together for 3 years and he doesn't know her age. How do they celebrate her birthday? He may very well be aware of age difference and be comfortable with it without discussing it with her. If it was me I know that I would appreciate this woman being honest with me, and in reality my respect for her would increase because of this honesty. Providing this fella isn't expecting any kids in a relationship I'd gamble that he would be fine with this difference, especially after being together for 3 years.

Answer 4

Well, the situation has a couple of points. Has she purposely lied to him about her age? If he has never asked as you say then it should be okay. It isn't an outright lie but it is sort of iffy. Age, to me, is simply a date with one exception; having children. If he seriously wants to reproduce, then at 40 she is pushing the edge. Of couse she still CAN, but the window is narrower.

If having biological kids, as oposed to adopting them, is important to him, she needs to be honest with her age. If it is not an issue for him, who cares how old she is.

Answer 5

I'll bet he knows and either just doesn't care or likes the fact that she is older. I'm sure that somewhere in the course of normal conversation a "remember when" comment came up and he realised that he wasn't born when what she is talking about happened.

Answer 6

Just tell him and if he bounces, then he is not for her. It seems to me that everything will be ok. The age difference is the last thing to worry about in a relationship these days.

Answer 7

My fiance is a 300 and sixty 5 days youthful than me. We started relationship whilst i grew to become into 17 and he grew to become into sixteen. i'm now 21 and he's 20. it is not a huge age huge difference. i think of it is that state of recommendations we women have; that men must be older than them. a minimum of that's how I felt. i grew to become right into a sprint sketchy at first approximately him being a 300 and sixty 5 days youthful, yet once you initiate relationship, you are able to no longer tell. you do no longer even think of roughly it. that's a plus if this guy you like acts older than his age. you like to tell him you like him. Ask him if he desires to allure to close out. Make plans with him. Then make plans on my own with him. text fabric him stunning issues like "i'm able to't wait to allure to close out :)" or "on the instant grew to become into somewhat relaxing :)" or "-hugs-" You pronounced whilst he texts he comes out as pissy. call him. call him up and make plans that way. Ask him to pass to the videos. detect a stay overall performance you the two might desire to pass to. prepare at the same time. do no longer harass him, nevertheless. text fabric him first and ask him if he desires to allure to close out? Make plans then. once you ask him to allure to close observe the version along with his texting. Does his pissy vibe disappear? You wont comprehend until you attempt.

Answer 8

she shouldn't have lied, but age is only a number and it shouldn't be a deal breaker

Answer 9

nah its fine unless hes upset when he finds out